Jealous of my Niece
Show your support
(my niece is trached and at home, but doing really well thank goodness) I’m not saying support didn’t go where it was needed, but I AM saying it still hurts that my story was never my story due to the unfortunate circumstances. I’m also not saying it doesn’t/couldnt change, but in my situation and from my experience- it has not. I have even vocalized it to both my sister (who totally gets why I feel that way) and my mom (who still doesn’t understand why I would have needed help or still do) and at the end of the day sadly, I carry guilt for even feeling this way. It’s tough to feel alone and unsupported. To feel like your kid will always be second priority to family. Even if your sister needs more support than you, or if you’ve always been the “handle it” daughter, we still have our version/story and need any version of support that can be given. I still to this day think being ignored heightened my PPD. Flash forward to 18 months we don’t really need it, but it still def stings.
Your feelings are definitely valid. especially since your 3 month old is also very interesting because he is also learning to do new things… & i’m not saying that bc she’s a little older, her doing/learning new things isn’t interesting because every milestone is! but the feeling of watching a baby grow and learn to do new things even if it’s just them learning how to scream is so amazing and beautiful and i think they should want to be apart of it. they obviously have a different connection bc they helped raised her but they should evenly want to be around and help out w ur son too. but look at the end of the day you are going to feel a way about it bc i would too but don’t stress it too much.. they’re the ones missing out and i know it hurts but you enjoy your baby and watch him grow. maybe they’ll come around eventually… and if they do i hope you guys are able to have a conversation about it so you can tell them how they’ve made u feel. you and him matter!!
I’m sending you a huge hug. Although my story is totally bonkers and completely different than yours, I understand that pain to my core. I would suggest expressing what you feel and have felt and if nothing comes from it, moving along and cling to those who do show up for you. My husband and I are thick as thieves. Our bond is so very strong because we have been through so many “firsts” and so much navigating alone. There is, somewhere somehow, always a silver lining. 🤍
@Anisah so well said 👏🏻 🫶🏻
@Erinn ty my love! i read ur reply too!! im sorry for what u and ur sister went through. and i know that ur sisters situation is different and needed a lot of support but so did you… she needed 110% and u still deserved to get 100%. i went thru something else but i was definitely left w the feeling of being lonely and unsupported during postpartum and it sucked. I also am glad u spoke up but i don’t think you should ever feel a way for saying how you feel. Your feelings didn’t make you selfish. you’re allowed to feel how u feel. out of all people too your mom should’ve understood where you were coming from bc even tho u didn’t have it as bad as ur sister. moms should understand how post partum makes a woman feel. what it could do to you. so to not have your close family there for support HURTS. also, our babies are all innocent. they all deserve the same amount of love. it should never get to a point where they could end up feeling like a second priority.
@Anisah the 110% to 100% example is the best way anyone’s ever put that. Thank you for that. Really, thank you!
@Erinn 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
@Erinn @Anisah this conversation was so wholesome. Love the support and validation you guys were able to provide each other. I haven’t experienced this (yet and hopefully won’t) but if we do, this was very helpful to read to understand how to navigate feelings and situation. Grandparents will be meeting our baby for the first time this month (also our first baby but 2nd grandkid for them).
@Thi congrats on your sweet baby!! Wish you well & hope you receive all the love and support you need during this time 🫶🏻
My little sister (who is also my best friend in the world) found out she was pregnant weeks after me. We were both due in March 2023. Me being 3 weeks-ish ahead of her. At the time, we were so excited being pregnant together. Her having a girl me a boy. Her baby came 3 months early due to HELLP syndrome and preeclampsia. They spent 10 months in the NICU. When I delivered at my normal date (but now after her due to the emergency) me and my kid were completely abandoned from mostly family and honestly friends too. Of course my little sister and nieces situation was fragile but anything I went through as a first time mom felt, of unimportance. My mother’s energy only went to my sister and her little one. When she would come in town, she would swing by say hi and then spend endless hours with my sister and her little one. It was really hard, especially after wanting and praying for my baby for so long. My mom still to this day only really caters and cares about my niece and sister.