My daughter doesn’t like my partner!

Is there anything your partner and her could do one on one to build up a better relationship? At 12 I bet she would like to go shopping and have a few treats! My step son is only 5 but I try and do an activity with him one on one when we have him to maintain our bond.. even if it’s just sitting and watching his favourite tv program with a hot chocolate and chatting about his day .. is there anything she’s said to you about why she doesn’t like him?

Hi Jemima, he said it’s like Groundhog Day. They can have fun playing a board game for example and it’s all laughs and the next time she sees him or even the next morning she goes back to ignoring him again. So I have to remind her of her manners all the time - regardless of what she thinks of him she still should say good morning/goodnight as she would anyone else. I asked her if there is something about him I’m not seeing and she said she just doesn’t like that he’s a distraction. She wants me basically all to herself. And she is totally love bombed by me daily

As someone who’s parents went through a divorce as a child I was around the age of 3/4 - when my mum tried to get back out there and find someone (I was around her age) I never approved or liked the person she dated even after he consistently tried - I didn’t want her getting back with my father but I didn’t want anyone else in our life either . It’s hard to explain and even come to terms with why - still to this date i can’t explain why but it did come to that they split up and my mum is still single to this day ( she is only 44 ) and I do regret it as she could have had someone by her side . - he didn’t live with us and he didn’t even have other kids . It would take time I would say just give her space but do make her understand that he is important to you and she doesn’t need to like him but she does need to be respectful . It might take years for her to understand that even though you have someone in your life she wouldn’t be left behind or loved any less .

Hi Anna, sorry you went through that and thank you for sharing. I agree with everything you said, and I can see this is going to be a very long process. I hope when she’s older we can talk about this openly. It’s so hard knowing she’s unhappy but I’ve also told her that me and her dad deserve to move on and be happy

I HATED my stepdad as a tween/teen for no reason (he hadn't done anything to cause me to hate him) but I was SA by my mums 2nd hubby so it was that insecurity causing it. By the time I was 17 I ADORED him and have continued to and I'm now 46, hes my dad, my kids grandad not step anything as he's the best father figure I've had. Get you daughter the help she needs to process the divorce, give her time with you alone and reassure her that you're always there for her and I'm sure as she matures I'm sure she will come to accept the relationship as it sounds like she thinks he's what's stopping you getting back with her dad so that's your priority in helping her move on whether you stay with your partner or not otherwise this will happen with each relationship

Thanks Heather. I’m so glad I found this app and asked this huge question !!!

@Nadia I also have a daughter a similar age (12 next month) and their hormones are raging too which won't help. But as a mum of 4 2 who are now adults (28 and 24 as well as a baby) it does get easier in time

Nadia both my kids have issues with my Husband. My eldest (14) says he wants me and his dad to get back together. My daughter don’t like him but is respectful to him. It has taken 4 years to get this far but try to make them have time together too. I often send them to the shops and she will fill up on treats 😅