What do I do? šŸ˜…

So basically I told my partner he wasnā€™t allowed to buy anything for baby until the 20 week scan when we find out the gender. We found out early at 17 weeks but I told him he still has to wait til the 20 week scan ā€œfor confirmationā€ but really itā€™s because I still donā€™t feel ready. It was a struggle convincing him to wait this long tbh but Iā€™m high risk and have literally been having dreams of the worst happening. This is going to sound so horrible but from the start of this pregnancy I didnā€™t think it was meant to be. Iā€™ve been having issues since 5 weeks pregnant which have *mostly* settled but not completely, Iā€™m scared. We were trying for this baby and although itā€™s horrible to say itā€™s even more horrible to feel but Iā€™ve just had such a bad feeling about this pregnancy since finding out like I donā€™t think babyā€™s gonna make it šŸ˜¢ Iā€™m 21 weeks tomorrow and have the 20 week scan when Iā€™m 21+3 weeks. I donā€™t really wanna start getting stuff for baby yet I kinda want to wait til my 28 week growth scans start but heā€™s excited to start getting stuff in because this oneā€™s a boy šŸ˜… idk I just donā€™t feel ready
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Realise youā€™ve probably had the scan by now. How are you feeling about it all? Completely understandable and normal to be scared. Iā€™m also classed as high risk and so hard not to worry or let your kind run away with you. Often I think those feelings come as they are our worst possible fear. I donā€™t think thereā€™s a right or wrong and up to you and your partner. Could try getting some basic things like wipes and see how you feel? And then building it up from there as opposed to anything gender specific :) x

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