ODD?

Have you looked into PDA? It's a nervous system response. There are professional that believe most ODD diagnosis are actually PDA.

I’ve dealt with it with oldest for years too. Unfortunately I have not found much that helps. Therapy and special help at school. She’s good for anyone else but me. This has been a struggle for us for years too.

I would first get your child tested for adhd/autism if you haven't. PDA can go along with that. Then try to tackle the pda. I'm still learning about pda, there are lots of youtube videos with what looks like good advice you can check out.

He has been tested for ADHD & was on medication but I truly don’t think it made much of a difference as I don’t think that’s his true diagnosis. I don’t beleive he has PDA either as his behavior is based on being manipulative, competition for attention, vindictive, lies and blame others ( sets scenes up then will blame another) just very malicious. He was expelled in Kindergarten & it has been an uphill battle since. It’s not always about the task at hand, but his actions & words to adults and his peers.

Wow, I don't know how to help, I've never heard of anyone being expelled in kdg before. There are different medications to try for adhd, not saying that's what it is, just that if it is adhd and he doesn't have the structure it could get worse. But it's hard because ODD is a resistance to authority figures, too.

@Sarah I know it’s honestly crazy, and yes I 100% don’t beleive he does have the proper structure. He was referred out to a behavioral school in 1st grade, but his mom refused to enroll him as she was afraid of what other people would think. But has gotten into drastic trouble in school already, threating his teachers life, throwing chairs and other students etc. We only have him every other weekened so it’s so hard to help.

:( I do wish you the best of luck, just keep bringing it up to his doctor if you can, and follow what they suggest for now. Keep records in case they can be pieced together later if you're not believed

I have a daughter with autism, her behavior could be considered oppositional. She is in play-based ABA therapy five days a week after school and it’s really increased her attention span, comprehension, communication - foundational skills to cooperate with another person. There is also something called the RUBI Institute parenting classes, again meant for parents of children with autism, but specifically geared toward disruptive behaviors and how to handle them. It’s not punitive, it takes a lot of effort from the parents, and you basically have to become like an observational scientist of your own child, But seeing how the alternative is equally hard path, if not more so, I took that trade off and feel like it’s worth it.

I heard somewhere that when autistic people have conflict, they talk about it as if they are an observer of themselves having the conflict with you and them. Such as if they were in a role playing game - like dungeons and dragons - with you having the conflict, but they have stepped out and are trying to solve it from the outside while you are still in it. The person who was talking about it said it drives neurotypicals nuts, but the autistic person is trying to solve the problem in their way. Additionally, the autistic doesn't get the gist of what you are saying on an argument and nitpicks meaning in each word bc that's how their brains work. Blew my mind!

Additionally, many adult autistic won't see the why factor leading up to something, but only the outcome, and have an emotion based upon the outcome.

@Sarah you just described me to a tee!

Oh no, so you are step-mom, maybe? Best first-line treatment would be lots and lots of exercise - I mean a LOT of exercise. Swimming, running on a track, trampoline park, ice skating/rollerblading, long muddy walks on a nature trail. No “organized” sports. Maybe shooting hoops or playing catch. It’s all about letting him move his body to blow off steam and release dopamine - he will be more well-regulated and easy to deal with. You might be exhausted, so a child minder could help with direct supervision.

Kids do as well as they can. A lot of what looks malicious isn’t simply because their brains aren’t developed enough to process everything that an adult can. Kids can’t necessarily communicate their internal stresses well so it comes out in other ways. I got my kids into play therapy and regular meetings with the school psychologist as well as OT for particular needs. https://therapistndc.org/aba-is-not-effective-so-says-the-latest-report-from-the-department-of-defense/

@Susan yes & yes we get out a lot as best we can. Lot’s of walks, outtings to the beach, the creek, etc. we live in a great area where we have all of these amazing things to offer and he does well, but it’s not always everytime. There is ALWAYS some sort of conflict- while at the trampoline park all he can think about is wanting pizza and icecream from the vendor ( so this goes for any other fun places like that). & will give up the fun activity to sit & pout. While walking in the woods it’s him refusing to walk with us and then becomes verbally disrespectful ( we don’t keep him on a leash at any means, but when were walking in high populated areas he needs to stay closer). When he was younger he would throw fits and sit down & refuse to move until picked up. I have my son and they are five months apart & my son never has any of these issues. So it’s hard to balance between the two. Now I have newborn baby, and we still have made the effort to get outdoors but it’s still the same😭

@🍉 Rowena he is not autistic! And if he were wouldn’t the school point that out by now and recommend him to be evaluated? He’s well known at school as he’s gotten into drastic trouble which even resulted him being expelled in kinder.

That makes it really complicated. Sounds like it’s really, really exhausting. I don’t have any answers but hugs and sympathy from me.

Unfortunately, it can be misdiagnosed—especially if it presents differently than the stereotypical profile. PDA (sometimes misdiagnosed as ODD) is a subset of Autism. It’s a nervous system disorder that requires a delicate approach and understanding of how hierarchies can affect the nervous system. https://www.drdonnahenderson.com/post/grow-your-blog-community