Do you already have kids? How old are your step kids?
While they are going to live with you full time, you do not in any way become their mom or take her place. She is just in another physical location. The more you really grasp that idea, the better you will relate to the kids. They won't just suddenly love you like a mom and be happy to spend so much time with you. In fact they will miss her a lot, and you will catch a lot of those negative feelings because you are there. The more you honor her and build your own separate relationship (like an au pair, perhaps) from the beginning, the better off you'll be. Good luck. 🍀
I think this is a discussion you and your partner need too have a serious chat about. It’s a massive change for them and you and you shouldn’t be judged if you ultimately decided you couldn’t cope I personally couldn’t. However on the other hand this could/probably result in your relationship ending. There’s a lot too think about tho if your not around who will be doing child care?
@Nai yes I have one daughter who is 11 months. My step kids are 11, 9, and 7.
@Melanie she really doesn’t have a choice bc they’re married those are her children too. Can’t imagine turning my step kids down bc I don’t put them at the same standard as my own kids, that’s messed up. Also incog they are older, that’s good ages to bring in. At least there’s no diapers or tantrums. They will be in school, you’ll form a new healthier routine for them then they probably had with mom considering she just wants to abandon them. Anyone who says “I didn’t sign up for this”… you in fact did when you married someone with their own children. This is a blessing in disguise, you will be the one to decide how things go from here.
I’d do it, child support can factor in later if you want it. Also if this is something you can handle emotionally, because loving yourself is number 1 priority ❤️
@Amanda Brown were not married yet but we have lived together for 2 years so we feel married and plan to get married but aren’t.
If you don't want to you don't have too, doesn't mean you love or care for them any less. That's a huge responsibility.
No one can judge you if you can't do it. You definitely need some support cos you may not be able to do it alone. Mostly, if their mum does things differently. There will be hard days, also fun days , your husband will need to step in and help, or if he has any other family that can also help out. Love them as much as u can and expect nothing in return, so disappointment or resentment doesn't come into the picture.
This is literally my dream. This is what I want to happen 😭
@Amanda Brownshe does definitely have a choice. That’s so strange too say,but like I said it could mean her relationship could end. She didn’t sign up too be a full time parent, if he was a single full time dad when she met him of course. But. This wasn’t the case it’s a big change I certainly wouldn’t judge and I know a lot of other mums wouldn’t either. If she doesn’t think she could cope that’s something she’ll have too discuss with her partner and go from there
If she were married, no she doesn’t have a choice. You don’t choose when to be a wife/parent. But she commented that they aren’t married… but *feel* married. This is what it means to be married. Those are her kids too if she considers herself married to him. They’re also their child’s siblings. It would be wrong to leave a relationship over this, yeah it would be a big change but he better give her a ring bc that’s the ultimate representation of loyalty and commitment. 🤍
@Amanda Brown you always have a choice regardless of marriage or not. It would be sad for someone to stay in a marriage when they weren’t happy. Not saying that me.
Well yes, essentially one would have the choice of either leaving their husband/partner and splitting their family so he can take on his bio children without you, or to be supportive of their partner/husband in this situation and lovingly welcome the children into their home as a family. It would be odd to expect your partner to deny his children a place to live just because you don’t approve of it. I guess what I was trying to say is, the children would be moving into the home whether you like it or not and it is your choice whether you will be staying. Can’t imagine leaving someone you love because of that, or thinking you have any say over the matter other than when will they be here so we can make space? Again, not saying you because you seem to be accepting of it which is great. But hypothetically, those are the choices to anyone who doesn’t seem to get my point.
Take pride in it. Be the mom they need. 🤍 it’ll be a lot but it’s worth it.