Why aren't I more human?

I'm struggling financially. I literally have £10 until the end of the month. And there's no family to help. I dated someone who is now famous and I have a whole story about our relationship I could sell to newspapers for hundreds if not thousands. I'd rather ruin my already failing health than do it Why am I not going to do it? Am I literally one of life's losers living in fantasy land where being good feels right? I literally live my whole life thinking about others and God just craps all over me.
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U don't be a good person and nice person for something in return u do it because when u go to sleep at night and its quiet and u think about ur day and ur life n all the things uve done u get to go to sleep and wake up the next day knowing ur a good person and only a good person can raise a good baby. U do it to surround ur child/ren with positive influences and u have no idea the impact ur nice deeds have had on someone else's life something u said or did could have change the whole course of there life for the better, ans being a good person means that ur child will be a good person n who knows what kind of life they will get to lead because of it. If u started being selfish and not giving a ctap about people n started being mean and rude to people tomorrow when u go to bed at night r u gonna be able to fall asleep confidently knowing that ur actions could have had a negative impact on someone n badly changed there life forever?

Good people r good people because it's what right and it's how we live with ourselves we aren't good people so we can be rich and surrounded by materials. At the end of the day even of everything burns to the ground n u lose everything the one thing u won't lose is urself and u don't want to be left alone with the bad version of u. Hold on and ull find away to move towards nothing is permanent x

So…., who you dated?

@Willow thanks, Willow. This is ultimately it. Sadly, it's only when things start to get difficult that I appreciate that I ultimately like myself and that's the only thing that will keep me going when all else fails. The other 70% of the time I just tolerate.

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