MIL “joking” about taking 5mo to get her ears pierced

Ever since my MIL found out were having a girl she was asking constantly about getting ears pierced. My partner pretty much lets me make the majority of the decisions surrounding her upbringing because I have more experience with kids and will be doing the majority of the child care as a SAHM. He grew up in a very toxic household with an abusive father so all he knows is he wants to break the cycle and is game for any parenting methods I want to implement. The ONE thing he was super passionate about was waiting until our daughter is old enough to ask for her ears to be pierced. Recently my MIL has been really pushing for 1 on 1 time with my daughter, we’ve declined because we don’t really need any babysitters and I don’t like being away from her due to severe PPA. I am still working on spending time away with her while she is with my partner who I trust fully to take care of her. It really doesn’t help that my mil “jokes” about taking her for her ear piercings. I really feel this isn’t a joke because of how pushy she’s been about it and don’t know how to navigate telling her that these “jokes” are only making me more uncomfortable at the thought of her being alone with my child. We’ve had a few discussions since my pregnancy and birth about her obsession with babies, I honestly felt like an incubator to her. I’ve even “joked” back that if she ever did pierce her ears without our consent that she wouldn’t ever see me or my daughter again. Because she seriously wouldn’t. The jokes have persisted. We will be seeing them again on Sunday and I just know she’s gonna make a comment about getting my babies ears pierced again. Any advice on what to say -ideally in the hopes of putting the topic to an end? MIL doesn’t handle any confrontation well. During my pregnancy when we said we wouldn’t be doing things that she suggested or informed her that recent studies are recommending against what she says due to it being unsafe she cries and pulls the “I guess I’m just a terrible mother then” - and I feel like calling f her out on this will end similarly. If ever we have a disagreement with her we need to talk to her as though she’s a toddler and remind her that we don’t hate her but we don’t like the specific behaviour. I honestly don’t want to see my in laws at all because there are other issues with FIL but idk how to handle this anymore because I know it will just blow up in my face.

Show your support

Shes your daughter. Stop making "jokes" in return. Be very clear. "We are not piercing her ears until we feel she is old enough to ask for that. If anyone pierced her ears without our consent they would never be allowed around her." If she says something about whatever and you feel like doing something else and she pulls the "guess I was a terrible mom" I'd just say "we all do the best we can with the information we have. I have this information and based on that updated information I can choose a different route for our daughter."

I would calmly remind her that you and your husband are the parents and she is simply a grandparent but has ZERO entitlement in making decisions for your child and state that her constant remarks regarding it are making you both think that she would not adhere to your boundaries and therefore until she has stopped pushing said boundaries she will not have any contact alone with the child. I would explain You have decided together AS HER PARENTS that you will not pierce her ears until she is old enough to understand and if she dares try to do it behind your back you will have her arrested.

I might get a bit petty and tell her she is allergic to metals so earrings are a no go anyway as per doctor’s direction. That and I would just never let her have unsupervised time with your daughter ever. If your partner is supportive if these jokes start up during the visit work out a code word ahead of time and just leave. You’re not obligated to listen to your MIL make jokes that are not at all funny and spend the day uncomfortable. It really depends how close of a relationship you want to maintain.