I just cant do it anymore 😭

Im a step Mum to a teenage son with Aspergers (diagnosed at 10 - he’s now 18). He lives with us full time (as his mother couldn’t cope) and I’ve been Step Mum to him since he was 5. Its getting so much harder with age 😭 I just feel like nothing ever makes him happy. Me and my Husband try so so hard to do anything and everything we can to make his life easier/better for him but nothing ever seems good enough, its like we’re always doing something wrong or something to piss him off. It’s just so draining. He’s been very difficult to live with for the last year, almost feeling like he’s the parent and we’re the children because he knows EVERYTHING and we’re always doing things ‘wrong’ compared to how he wants them done. Last night ended in a big row because he decided to make a ‘deal’ with his brother playing a game of Monopoly. He was being very forceful, so we reminded his brother, he doesn’t have to accept deals, its his choice. And well, the sh*t hit the fan! We’re the worst parents in the world, he hates us, we HAVE to stick to the rules….And it went on for hours! Him crying and screaming at us because he’d made a plan in his head and we didn’t agree with him. Honestly I feel like the older he’s getting the more challenging it is. I like to think ive always treated him like he’s my own, and raised him being very mindful that his thought process is different. But im just struggling so much at the moment. Im waking up crying because I just dont want to do it all again. I dont want to live in a house where everything is controlled by him, through fear of him having a melt down. Not to mention the fact its driving a big fat wedge between my Husband and I. I just dont know what to do to make it a more comfortable situation for everyone 😢 Recently its crossed my mind to leave. I just don’t know how much more I can take before I snap 🙁

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Here’s the thing, Go with your son flow, but tell his brother the real deal later on. You have to flow with his diagnosis not go against it. It’s already hard on him enough that he is dealing with a lot of it and for the rest of his life. Try to take it easy and see the world from his view. Invite yourself in. In the meantime seek guidance, help and professionals that are experts in this and can give you resources and teach you resources to deal with an intelligent cool rockstar!

I have 12 daughter with autism and other needs and she just recently started saying I hate you when she gets in mood and stomp off. I know what you mean it's hard and more challenging when there growing up. My daughter was alot easier when she was little.

If he is 18, he can live in a supported living place, it might make him happier too

He’s gotta find ways to satisfy his desire for independence and control that doesn’t involve controlling other people. Here’s what I would do in reaction to this incident if I were you: I would banish Monopoly from our household. I would replace it with paper trading /stock simulator app, and get the whole family to play it - everyone picks their own strategy and a “win” for them doesn’t require other family to lose. Make sure to tell him it’s not illegal for his brother to “copy”‘his strategies. If that happens and he complains, tell him that’s the real point of the game. There are some pretty famous investors/tradeds like Michael Burry (confirmed Asperger’s diagnosis), Jim Simons, Jesse Livermore, and John Paulson who have achieved some of the highest returns in history. None of them came from money. They had to convince people to invest in them, so copying is a good indicator that you are winning. It might be fun to watch “the Big Short” (2015) as a family. Good luck!