fear of tearing ! 💥

I had a 2nd degree tear and I didn’t feel a thing! I was numbed for the stitches afterwards and I also didn’t notice the recovery as my biggest issue was haemorrhoids

I had the exact same fear. Ended up getting an episiotomy and a 2nd degree tear. I was so drugged up that i didn't feel a thing, and a week and a bit later, healing is going well. Some mild discomfort but they give you pain meds to go home with and I would just say be careful when you move around to start off with (and take stool softeners!) Xx

Try and do perineal massage, it isn’t guaranteed to stop tearing but it will help x

This is why they advise you to do perineal massages. I didn’t do them and had an episiotomy with my first and I didn’t really feel anything as they numb you for the cut and they numb you for the stitches. I was in pain afterwards when sitting down and walking. It took about 10 days to feel better. I was told my second baby was large so they wanted to induce me and stressed the importance of perineal massages to try preventing a tear from a bigger baby. I couldn’t reach to do them myself so my partner used to do it for me every night before bed. I didn’t tear or anything with my second

same as above, you really don't notice when it happens! i found the recovery very easy too

I was also terrified of tearing so I did perineal massage from 35 weeks, which I absolutely hated doing but I made myself do it every other day. It did eventually get easier, but when it came to birth, I ended up having to have a lower forceps delivery so also had an episiotomy BUT no additional tearing, which was good! No idea if that was because of my prep or not, but recovery from the episiotomy wasn’t that bad. But I think I also had haemorrhoids (honestly, was too scared to look/find out) which felt worse, but all recovered 3-4 weeks after delivery

thank you everyone. i’m currently practicing hypnobirthing so ideally hoping for minimal pain intervention. really interesting what everyone’s said about the recovery time and think perineal massage is looking like a likely option

I've had 2nd degree tears with all 3 of my kids, but that was NOTHING compared to the pain of hemorrhoids! 😣. Omg, it was horrific, that's the thing you wanna worry about more!

I had my baby Friday at home with 0 tears or grazes-avoid birthing on your back & coached pushing. Follow your body mama, & wishing you all the best 🧡

Don’t lay on your back when giving birth. With my second they had me sitting up (comfortably) and I didn’t tear at all. It seems weird but I promise it’s not!

Perineal massage, eat 6 dates a day from 36 weeks, pelvic floor exercises, don't accept coached pushing, just do your breathing techniques x

I used coconut oil down there daily from 32 weeks on- it softens the skin. I had a first degree tear. The hemorrhoid is the worst it feels like the baby comes out of your butt lol. Don’t be worried about tearing it happens- part of the process

I think this worked for me - don’t be scared of the next contraction. The more I relaxed and didn’t strain because of the fear of the next contraction, the better it was for my body. I had a very small tear (small enough that it wasn’t classified to any degree) and I think having this mindset helped me. This wasn’t the only thing I did but I think this played a massive part.

If you are planning unmedicated, the “ring of fire” part, when baby’s head is emerging, will sting like crazy. It’s best to go slow and steady to let the opening adjust. I’ve had two unmedicated births, both times I had zero tears. Perineal massage while pregnant helped as well! You can ask your provider to use oil and warm cloth too to help. Oh also, use your voice… your throat opening directly helps your vagina opening.

Question for who commented: Does everyone who had vaginal birth gets hamorrhoids?

@Priya no

@Priya in all honesty, I don’t know a single other person complain of having hemorrhoids in real life and hardly any online either, so when it happened to me I was really shocked and did not expect it at all! I didn’t even pack anything in my hospital bag for it🥴 but I’d say no, it seems like most don’t get them

I had a 2nd degree tear and didn't notice. When they say stop pushing, listen, though 😆 this is where my tear came from

@Priya no, I’ve had 2 unmediated vaginal births and never got haemorrhoids

I had an episiotomy and honestly the healing is fine. I didn’t feel it because I had a spinal block. I use a peri bottle each time I go to the toilet to keep it clean. I will say I developed a large cyst near my wound the day after but this went away on its own without treatment. Honestly my biggest complaint is haemorrhoids. They are that annoying they completely masked the episiotomy

tearing is a natural response, i was really scared that it would happen and unfortunately it did. i strongly believe that the drs/nurses trying to tell me when to push and trying to direct me contributed to the tear, because i was feeling very overwhelmed and not listening to my body. less intervention, less stress in the moment should help your chances, also not pushing on your back should help. but if it does happen, you’ll be okay and it will heal ❤️

@Amanda thank you! 🙏

@Shay thank you! 🙏

@Sophie thank you! 🙏

@Priya i didn’t get hemorrhoids from birth, but i did get them like a year later after never having it before 🫠

@Izzie I agree with what you said actually, because for me, I wasn’t allowed to just listen to my body because they refused my unmedicated birth then when I was too drugged up to not be on my back, it caused my son to keep going back in again over and over, I went onto my side as it was more comfortable and my sons heart dipped, however it was the only way to get him out so in the ned they told me to go back on my side however because of my sons heart rate I had to push as hard as I could and birth him as quick as I could for his safety.. so that’s exactly what I did, I just kept pushing regardless of anything as I kept thinking my son could die.. low and behold a 2nd degree tear and hemorrhoids! I do feel it all could have been prevented if I was able to listen to my body and go unmedicated like I wanted!

This was my biggest fear. I wasnt scared of the pain of contractions or pushing but of tearing. Being able to listen to your body definitely does help. I took the epidural but it didnt work on me so I felt everything. I tried everything under the sun to help prevent tearing from breathing techniques to different labor positions to raspberry leaf tea to exercises..I tried it all. I still tore 🙂 2nd degree tear, 11 stitches. I'm telling you this bcos it really is not as bad as we make it out to be. Going to the bathroom after was scary but definitely not how I thought it would be. Try to just focus on having your little one here, nothing else matters when you're holding your baby for the 1st time🥹 You're going to do great! 💕

Always discreet diapers, fridamom downward peri bottle, fridamom witch hazel healing foam, dermoplast pain itch and burn spray, and tucks medicated cooling pads were life savers