Advice

I know this feeling I'm sorry to say bo matter he's going to be sensitive about and is going to take it to the heart. I had to talk to my husband about it with his mom. He was paying one of her bills. I had to get on to him because in her case she would go out to eat with her friends, she has bought new fridge, stove, and dryer. Now a new couch. Than complain being short on money. Here we are not going out to eat, our dyer is handy down from his dad which is use we have had for 10yrs. He got mad at me when I brought it up but in my case I got him to see what he was doing Which she would continue doing what she was doing if he was going to pay. In your case she can always hit up food banks and some churches help too.

@Dawn she does hit those places up and she gets food stamps. She also has her baby daddy living with them right now so he should be helping her out. My husband loves helping people and I love that about him but sometimes he doesn't understand it hurts us.

how would you feel if your kid did that to you share what you have with the less fortunate what an amazing husband you have. there’s literally cultures and religions around sharing food you won’t stave in a developed country you can get some sort of government help if it’s that bad but if you can help someone out who is needy i don’t think you should be so greedy about it. sorry but you said she’s LITERALLY ON FOOD STAMPS!

@Zo We are on assistant as well and have a special needs child who only eats safe foods. If it wasn't his safe food I wouldn't care but he only eats these foods. She also has a lot more support than we do. We only have each other. She has her other family that helps her. We are struggling financially as well and dealing with medical issues that make it hard to work. So sorry if I do sound greedy but my kids come first. If my son will only eat that food and it is the last bit we have I don't want to give it up. We gave her tons of stuff in the past week and I gave her money. Also, paid to get her baby's daddy's car out of the impound. I don't mind helping other people or giving anything extra that we don't need to others but when it comes to something that will impact my kids I do care. We both love that we both help others out but I do put my kids first. Sorry if it is greedy that sometimes we need to focus on making sure our kids are taken care of instead of her all the time.

right so you didn’t say this stuff and why are you giving her money if you don’t want to? and why don’t you go and tell your husband all this if it is as bad as you said. your initially message didn’t have these, why is it so hard to tell your husband if the above is the case. pretty black and white to me …

@Zo It is hard to tell my husband because he doesn't listen. It is always his way or no way. He does what he wants. I didn't think it was important to have to say all that. It isn't that I don't want to give her money. It is that we don't have the money to give. I gave it to help her out but keep asking for more and more when we don't have more to give. That is what my issue is. I did mention my son is hit or miss with foods that it is his safe food. Also, that I love helping her out. But my husband did agree we shouldn't give her the food because we know our son will eat that food. It isn't like she doesn't have food. She has food.

@Shaq thank you. He completely understood where I was coming from when I just told him my thoughts about it. I was overthinking the whole thing as I always do. He agreed that saving the food for our kids is best. He also understood I wasn't saying we should stop helping her all together. Just not to the point it hurts us or our kids.

Please ignore people who don't read posts properly before they comment. I feel that it was very obvious before you added the edit that you are happy to help when it's not taking things from your children. I'm glad you had an honest conversation with him and that it went well. Why did they stop talking? Does his sister know you are on assistance and dealing with medical things? Helping is all well and good when you can afford it. I hope things improve OP.

@Hannah Thank you. That person really frustrated me because I know I put that we weren't in the spot to help and she made it sound like just because his sister is on assistance that she is entitled to our help even though we aren't in the spot to help. She can definitely have some chili we made that isn't a safe food. They stopped talking because they didn't agree with each other on a lot of things so they always fought. She does know. Maybe not about my medical issues. I don't know if my husband told her that or not. But she knows his medical issues and our money struggles. As well as our son having special needs which takes a lot of money and extra time. But thank you.

You are welcome, OP. You mentioned everything you needed to before the edit. Some people just don't read the whole thing before they comment. No one is entitled to other people's money or belongings. If she is aware your husband is dealing with medical things that cost money, you are also on assistance and that you have a special needs son, then she is kind of an AH for taking so much. Hopefully, your husband continues to put you and the kids first 😊

why post something if it frustrates you when others have a different opinion? you knew what you wanted to do …you also edited the posted initially some information was missing which why you clarified above. and just because the other person is agreeing with you doesn’t mean you can be on your high horse she also said she understood you BEFORE the edit button hence she also confirmed that your original post you sounded mean and vindictive to someone who has barely anything.

also don’t @ me i won’t be responding. i stil think you’re mean to his sister if it was YOUR sister you would be doing more.

@Zo, it absolutely does not confirm or imply that. I don't think OP did anything wrong. She wants to help his sister, but financially, they aren't currently in a position, too. You can't give what you don't have. What part of that makes her mean? This is insane to me.

@Zo Well I'm going to reply back to you anyways. I don't care if you respond or not. But I only added the edit to kind of hit at you for how you were being rude. Honestly, I don't think that editing was really necessary, but I did want to try to call you out for kind of being rude. It isn't my fault that you have the lack of common sense to put pieces together. Like it should be common sense if somebody isn't in the spot to help. There must be other things going on. I shouldn't have to put every single part of my personal life in detail in this post. I put the stuff I felt gave enough information without revealing too much personal detail about my life originally. Enough information for a person with common sense could piece together. Obviously other people could piece together it. You're just the only one. So I think you're the issue. So maybe get off your high horse and learn some common sense. Or at least learn to read.

@Hannah She is just bitter. I agree the edit of mine wasn't necessary because people who actually read it and had common sense could piece it together without me having to give up a lot of personal details. I only edited because I wanted to call her out without actually calling her out. The edit was unnecessary. But let her be all bitter and think what she want. If I am mean for not wanting to help this one time then I'll be mean. My sister in law and her son is definitely enjoying the leftover chilli we gave her. Chilli isn't a safe food for my son. Which the whole post was supposed to more saying I don't want to give her my son's safe foods. Not that I want to stop helping her altogether. But I guess Zo didn't understand that.

@Zo One less thing, she said that I mentioned everything I needed to before the edit and that some people AKA you don't read the whole thing before they comment. So I don't see how that was referring saying that I was being mean or anything like that. Because from my understanding she was not confirming that my original post I sounded mean and vindictive. From my understanding she said I didn't need to edit it and you didn't read the whole post. That it was very obvious before I added the edit That I was happy to help as long as It doesn't affect my kids. As a mother I make sure my kids always come first before giving something away that will hurt them. By the way his sister loves me. We are like sisters.

It's ok, Incognito, just ignore her. I literally said that "it was very obvious before the edit that you were happy to help." The fact that she translated that sentence to mean I agreed you were vindictive and mean is some wild mental gymnastics. It says more about her than you. You have done nothing wrong.