Anxiety over body image and bonding

i struggled bonding with my first, i had a horrible pregnancy and she wasn’t planned, i wasn’t emotionally ready for a child, it got really bad that i even planned to get covid so i’d have to give birth without my partner and then put baby up for adoption immediately after birth, was a really dark time. my labour was horrible which didn’t help and i had 3rd degree tears as well as an episiotomy and needed 2 transfusions. i was so unwell we had to spend a few days in hospital and i ended up resenting my daughter and blaming her for everything, which looking back i truly wish i got help sooner. thankfully my partner pushed me to seek help and now me and my little girl are best buddies, tho i am worried about how i’ll fare with my second, if i’ll struggle to bond again or worse, i’ll love them instantly and feel guilty for it🙃 feel free to message me or please seek therapy/speak to your midwife, don’t miss out on those precious first months like i did you’ll regret it so much

Feel free to DM me, having similar issues and am getting help from antenatal team x

I was so worried with my last pregnancy about bonding and just couldn’t connect at all with the idea of the baby being a person before being born or how to bond with a bump. In my mind I was just going to birth basically an alien I wouldn’t be able to connect with at all, I know it’s different for everyone but if it helps, for me the bonding happened after he was born gradually without any effort on my behalf. I think the idea of protecting yourself emotionally is completely understandable given what you’ve been through family wise x

Thank you so much ladies, I'm already feeling comforted 💗💜