Feeling lost

Me and my bd broke up over a year ago. I can’t seem to find time to date and when I’ve tried I haven’t been able to actually like any man. Even the ones who in most aspects seem to be really nice guys there’s just nothing there for me. I still miss my ex and grieve the family we built together. He’s around about every other weekend to see the kids, hasn’t had his own place to live most of the time we’ve been broken up so he doesn’t take them overnight or anything. I’m just so confused on what to do. I never wanted to raise my kids like this where I’m the only parent most of the time and constantly struggling to do things as a mom because I’m tired from doing it all. I’ve been considering getting back with him lately but I feel like I would be so embarrassed to do that cause he really didn’t treat me great all of our relationship. It was just so much easier to parent together and our oldest kid was way better behaved then so I know it’s takin a toll on him as well. Mostly just wondering does this feeling of just being lost and alone ever fade?