BM Talks About Me To The Kids!

I always suspected it but I was on three-way with my husband’s BM and his older daughter from yet another marriage. We hung up and she immediately called my number back and said, “See, I told you that his wife calls all the shots so when you want something done, forget asking your dad! You have to go to her and kiss up to her because it’s clear she’s the one that wears the pants in that relationship. He just sits back and lets her make all the decisions.” I was quiet to see if she would go on.. that’s when she realized she had called me back instead of her “stepdaughter” (former) who is now my stepdaughter. So I say, “You do realize that you called me back, right?” BM immediately starts to explain, saying she wasn’t trying to badmouth me, she was just trying to tell SD that she needs to be nice to me. I’m like.. that wasn’t the context of what you were saying AT ALL but whatever. I noticed when her kids first came around me, how sweet and loving they were and then over time, they started acting apprehensive about being around me so I long ago suspected that she was saying things about me. I wonder how deep it’s gone and what else she has said about me. The worse part is, my husband was standing right there when it happened and I had her on speaker and he didn’t stand up for me or anything. So I said, “You need to say something to her about talking about me to your kids.” And he acts like he didn’t hear what she was saying. How would you feel? Would you have a conversation with her about it since he seems to be brushing it off? Or should I just let it go?

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If it’s affecting your and the kids relationship I would have a conversation with her if he is not willing to address it

Not sure if it is worth him saying something to BM. She is going to do what she wants and she will just think that you made him say something and probably tell the kids. You can tell him you were hurt he didn’t defend you. He could have a conversation with his kids about what happened and explain that married couples are a team and make decisions together which is why you are involved in all decisions.

There is no point in talking to her when she is in that head space. Time will heal, lead by example and never lose connection with the kids. The truth will always prevail. My husband put a disparaging clause into his divorce agreement, perhaps something to consider? I’ve gone through it all, called all the names, it’s been nearly 7 years. Sometimes we want our man to speak up but it’s traumatizing for them too. You got this mama!