BM denying visits now wants more money.

Hi just after some advice on what to do and where to seek advice (citizen's advice or solicitor?) A bit of back story...I have 2 step children that live 2 hours away. Up until last Sept we were having them everyother weekend and during half terms. BM randomly said it will change to once a month. We said we weren't happy with this which resulted in SS not talking to us and SD hasn't been allowed to see or visit us. (Think alienation from the BM) Fast forward to now, she has messaged asking for a review on the money she gets from him as we aren't having them. Nothing is done through CSM. What can we do? We want to have them. It seems all of this has been orchestrated just so that she can get more money and ice us out now that she has a new partner and a new baby.

Show your support

Argh this is horrible I’m sorry. I think I’d prob advise talking to a solicitor and going down the route of a child arrangement order through the courts. I’d keep trying in the meantime and have a record of all the attempts to increase the access (texts etc) x

We were thinking of getting a court order. Just unsure on how to proceed with getting to that. She isn't a nice person to communicate with. Every attempt at seeing the kids she has either said no or influenced them to say no. Would you respond to her message saying something along the lines of... "Happy to review it once we sort out visits as we want to have them" and then wait for the shitshow?

I think if you have an initial chat with a solicitor they will Usually do that for free and then you can decide if you want to pursue them supporting you. I’m pretty sure the process is filling in a form and filing it with the court (we haven’t actually got to that point But if you have a look at the legal queen on Instagram she’s very helpful on this). Our approach was basically to reply to say ‘no our agreement is this and we want the children to have a relationship with their dad so we will Stick to the original arrangement’ and essentially turned up to collect them even if the door wasn’t opened etc. and then all of that was recorded. I know it’s hard when you live so far as we are the same. I think just constant check ins with the kids as well if they are old enough with their own phones etc even if these go ignored. Obviously this is all pretty stressful and you have to protect your mental health as well. Let me know if you want to chat xx

And sorry on the money front, yes I’d just maybe ignore that request for now as if your intention is to have them as per your current arrangement. If she goes through CMS then that’s her prerogative (don’t know if that would be beneficial to you or not) but I wouldn’t be changing things unless you are mandated to (just my view though, I know every situ is different) x

Before you apply for court you will have to attempt mediation - so it may be worth trying that first anyway? If BM refuses to participate in mediation then I wouldn’t waste anytime in applying to court as the waiting times are very long.. have a search for local mediators and give them a call tomorrow and they will advise .. it usually costs around £100 for your first appointment and if BM doesn’t want to try and sort it out that way and you end up in court.. it’s around £50 to get the certificate from the mediators to say you tried and mum didn’t engage .. and then it’s around £250 for the C100 form which can be filed online to start the court process. Sorry you’re going through this.. it’s a rough road x

I would say that before finances are discussed contact is the primary concern and you would like to be able to start this up again. Perhaps suggest that this be discussed in mediation as it hasn’t yet been resolved and if a resolution can’t be reached then you are looking to apply to the courts. I think if she applies to the CSA and the courts are involved they won’t do anything until court has resolved contact.