Ideas on “splitting” babycare with partner post-partum
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My husband generally likes to stay up late and I am the opposite so we played to our strengths. He would stay up until 2am with the baby downstairs (or sleep on the sofa if baby is sleeping). I was supposed to go to bed at 7pm, but that never happened. We would then swap, so I would go downstairs and sleep in the sofa with baby in the moses so that each of got some uninterrupted sleep and he was not too sleep deprived for work. It worked for the early days. I would pump or would make up a formula bottle for his shift. Eventually we moved to both sleeping in the bedroom at the same time, but that does mean that I am responsible for all night feeds (breastfeeding) so get less uninterrupted sleep now.
We formula fed, so we did a night each, then we’d get a solid night sleep each! And then when he went back to work, he’d do the late feed around midnight and then I’d do the early feed around 5am and we’d both still be sleeping a solid 6/8 hours each x
I breastfed & took nights after my husband went back to work when unpaid leave ended in 6 weeks. I still have nights 5 months pp due to work schedules as I have a hybrid schedule. When i need a hand & hes home he pitches in
Nighttime what worked best for all of us was cosleeping, ebf baby - cosleepy on insta has great resources ❤️
With our first, she was formula fed. She was in the NICU 12 days so he was back at work by the time she came home. Typically I changed the baby while he warmed up the bottle then I fed her and we went back to bed. This time, I’m breastfeeding only so I’m doing it all while he sleeps on the couch to handle the toddler if she happens to wake up or so he can get sleep for work
If you plan to breastfeed you’re gonna wanna do all the night feeds to keep up supply
I breastfeed. We did all together, when baby woke up he would go to the crib/next to me and pick him up and giving him to me, went back to sleep, finished feeding he would go up and put baby back on crib. Nappy change would be most of the time him, i would wake him and he would change nappy. Seems like him doing all, however, remember you'll be the one not sleeping because have baby in your arms, or with boob out in strange positions trying not to squash him. So yeah, my job was to feed, he got the rest. Also day time I would be alone all the time so didn't get help, he could only help at night
He will need to support you, feed you, keep you hydrated, let you shower, change diapers. All feeding will need to be on you to ensure success supply in the first 6 weeks.
My husband is also a teacher and didn't have paternity leave. I exclusively pump and he would wake up to change her diaper and put my pump together while I got her bottle ready. He'd also make sure my water was full. On weekends, I'd wake him up after she went back to sleep and I was done pumping to clean my pump so I could get just a little more sleep.
I would pump an extra time during the day and my husband would use the milk for one bottle feed at night so I could get a 6 hour stretch of sleep. We were waking our daughter every 3 hours to eat.
I exclusively breastfed both our babies and found the only thing that worked that wouldn’t mean I was extremely sleep deprived was SAFE cosleeping following Safe Sleep 7 rules. Highly recommend Sweet Sleep book by LLLI which explains the science and safety of cosleeping, and are also great breastfeeding resource. I did it from about 3-4 months with first baby as I was uneducated and scared, and from birth with the second baby. This means I’m actually very well rested despite breastfeeding day and night. https://laleche.org.uk
My husband changed ALL diapers whenever he was home, day and night. He would also rock our baby to sleep (when I had already fed her and she was still awake) and cook and do dishes. I was breastfeeding, so I was basically attached to the baby 24/7 (collectively 8hrs a day every 2-3hrs for at least 30min at a time). The only thing I was in charge of was feeding the baby. He made sure I was fed (easy food prepped for when he was gone) and he made sure the diaper was changed (unless he was gone). Now we are about to have a second one in November and our current baby is almost 15mo. He will do all diaper changes for at least the first two weeks and the cleaning and cooking, etc. when I’ve recovered enough (I had a long recovery the first time with a C-section), then I will share diaper duty. However, early PP is ROUGH. I was breastfeeding alll the time and, when I wasn’t, I was pumping. Our baby also only slept on top of us for the first 4 weeks, so we had to take turns sleeping.
If you’re breastfeeding you will need to do more of the nights and baby time at the beginning, it’s just the way it goes. If he can really step up with the house (dishes, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, tidying) that will be a huge help since you will be stuck under the baby a lot. And he needs to make sure you ALWAYS have snacks and water! And of course if he can do as many diapers and baths at possible that is a good way for him to have baby time when you aren’t nursing. The early days aren’t very glamorous for new dads, but the boring household stuff is what helps so much. Good luck and congrats!
@Kassia sounds like you have a great husband! Mine also did that and still continues to do everything he can when he’s home. It’s great to see other women also have supportive husbands who understand the demands.
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Honestly because I was bf and healing I mostly held and fed baby and his job was to make sure I showered, made sure I ate, did the cleaning and bathed baby, changed nappies etc. whatever needed doing that wasn’t feeding the baby was either his job or a shared job.
It took us a while to get to a routine but we realized we would have to be in separate rooms (living room and bedroom) to get uninterrupted sleep. Sounds simple but my hubs was scared I would fall asleep whilst looking after the baby.Its very tricky in the beginning especially when you don't have family support like that. It's interesting to see everyone's journey..Also as much as it pained I am not able to exclusively breastfeed- just is not possible for me but on the upside it makes it easier all round giving bottle too.I do night times i.e 12-6 then he takes over. Rest of the day split shift depending on work, appointments,cooking etc. And I try to get a day to myself (most of the day) by going out for my mental health
We initially split the night up (he’d sleep with her for the first half then wake me to switch around 2-3a). Then we started alternating nights, one of us sleeps with her and the other sleeps in our spare bedroom. We still do this! She’s 3.5 months old now & formula fed.
I co slept to make bf easier with all three of my kids, as they got a little older they would latch independently as I slept topless, so my sleep at night improved drastically. Your husband can take on nightly nappy changes, consoling baby, if not cosleeping picking up baby at night to bring to your breast (like a night nurse would) sit with up with you sometimes. Ensure you are hyrated
I just put the baby next to me with the boob in her mouth and we both sleep. (Following safe sleep seven). What my partner helped with was changing nappies. But not much..I do it better and faster so I decided to just take over the night shifts. He let’s me sleep in though (if the baby decides to sleep in too) by taking care of our toddler who is much much more difficult than the newborn.
My husband unfortunately returned to work after I think 3 or 5 days so I always took on all of the child care I am a SAHM and he works a physical job 6 days a week so I have to take care of the home it's a trade off and I don't mind. I EBF and we never used bottles for our children and it wasn't too much for me
My kid was an up all night, sleep all day baby and my husband worked days with no time off. I pretty much switched my schedule to be like the babys and I treated my nights as days and I did all the feedings/changings. My husband drives for a living so I wasn’t gunna risk him getting hurt in a driving accident from lack of sleep so I handled it. Eventually my daughters scheduled adjusted itself to be days up, nights sleeping. She still woke up here and there for bottles. I would do most of the feedings and changing still then, but if I was really beat would wake my husband to do it once. Thankfully, my daughter wasn’t the type to scream and cry. She got her bottle and went right back to bed.
@Agata 100% I’m grateful for my husband. If he wasn’t who he is, then I would NOT have another child. I always get super heated when I see useless men on here. 😭🤣 I’m sure you feel the same
@Kassia Yes ! I do get heated 😤
My partner did all night wakings for the first week, however we formula fed, so he was able to do that. It was great, I was very well rested and able to recover quickly!