As much as I get it

Are you sure he doesn’t want to do it because he secretly does drugs? It doesn’t look good not to do it. One you look guilty and two you look like seeing your child isn’t important. Who are you writing the letter to? The court or the lawyer?

Why did he lose visitation rights? If it was for previous drug use then it is appropriate that they would ask him to do another one

@Jen I think she accused him the drug use and the judge decided he needs a drug test and cannot have visitation until it is done.

@Christina I gotcha, if I were him I would just go ahead and do the test if he knows he will pass. Of course he doesn’t want to give into her demands but at the end of the day I’m sure he wants visitation back with his son

If it would help him feel better about it, tell him it's not his ex that is demanding it, it is the court. If he would like to press the issue, he can equally demand she also pass a test to resume visitation.

1/2 No he does not secretly do drugs. There’s no money to do drugs and he owns his own business and works from 6am-8pm every day yet we are still drowning. He lost visitation because she filed for custody. Court came, he did not have a lawyer, didn’t think he would need one considering he wasn’t asking for more than he had. Turns out she wants 100%. They ended up granting everything her and her lawyer wanted. We now have the lawyer, but this order was placed. I told him although she’s demanding it the court granted it. I wrote the email to his lawyer explaining his stance. Insiders understand why he isn’t doing it, but outsiders presume he’s positive. She has put us through so much. She is alienating that child and we have all the proof in the world. Even a text saying she knows he’s not on drugs. It doesn’t matter. My husband is emotionally and mentally done. He can’t handle anymore. He rather hurt her at this point than get the visitation back with his son, and although I don’t

2/2 agree I can definitely understand. It’s always going to be something. With custody and child support. She’s always going to want more, or change this or change that. She uses that child as a paycheck and a pawn to hurt. He can’t even talk to his child on FaceTime without her sitting right next to him. He is a stubborn ass and does let his ego get the best of him and he has made it clear he is not giving in to her demands any longer. He is free from her and won’t allow her to manipulate his life. Unfortunately the one thing she has control of is their son, and she’s ruining that child. I don’t know what will happen from here, to be honest I’m scared. He’s basically at the point where he said “he can come find me when he’s old enough and I’ll tell him everything and be there a million percent.” The child goes into the bathroom to try and talk to his dad and she will open the bathroom door and stand there the whole time. If he wasn’t with me none of this would be happening.

They granted the hair follicle They granted ONCE hair follicle done he can have visitation at mothers discretion every other Saturday from 10am-6pm. Pick up at mother’s house and drop off at mother’s house. Although she has a restraining order against him by manipulating text messages (lawyer working on that too). But that just shows how this court system is. They granted pick up and drop off at mother’s house with an active restraining order in place? Why? So he pulls down the street and goes to jail? He had his child every other weekend Friday- Sunday and one week night. Now this. The lawyer said it’s “erroneous.” But because he wasn’t retained for the first court date unfortunately there’s nothing he can do now to change the order, we have to abide by it then file a revisit. If he files the revisit without the hair follicle the judge won’t give him his days back. Husband said he’s done. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He needs to do it.. why would a court order that with 0 evidence?

What exactly did the BM lawyer say to convince the judge that a drug test was needed and BM gets 100% custody?

I live in a mother’s state and he didn’t have a lawyer. She got everything she wanted. He stayed quiet and didn’t fight back, all he said was he would like time to be able to retain a lawyer. Her lawyer got angry and said he doesn’t have time, he has today, and this is what his client wants. The lawyer said based off the restraining order he’s unstable, and it’s either drugs or an anger issue. Although we are at the end of the restraining order at this point (2 months left and he has seen his son up until this point). We have proof (that our lawyer now has) that the restraining order was put out fictiously. The judges never cared to look at it no matter how hard we tried. Now it’s being used against him. She photoshopped text messages. She knows how to work the system. It’s sick. It’s all a big game to her meanwhile he’s heartbroken. His lawyer wants him to just do the follicle so it can never be bought up again ever. Kind of like a haha bitch in your face type of deal. He refuses.

We have gone to the police station over it. Because even with the order she still texts and calls him. The cops said she is the victim on the order so she is not violating it. But if he responds he’s done. They actually helped us and told him to put a ring on my finger then I can get my own against her, then he would be considered the 3rd party. But she’s smart. The second he did that her threats to me stopped, and the texts to him stopped. In my state it’s not called a restraining order it’s called a PFA and you can only get those if it’s “domestic” in relation some how. Baby mom, ex, husband, girlfriend etc.

I have text messages from her saying he lost his family for good because he’s with me and she’s going to destroy him. She’s a sick individual. The lawyer said the last resort is to use the messages. I guess he’s not the shark type of lawyer but you get what you pay for and considering she’s getting $2k in child support a month although he only makes $2800 a month it’s all we can afford. That’s another thing. Child support is separate. We gave in his tax return and w2. But they didn’t use them. They used a number they made up and called it his “earning capacity.” They put down his earning capacity is $8k a month and put child support to reflect that. Hopefully that’s fixed too with the lawyer. I’m telling you guys as a woman, this court system is so fucked towards men. It’s literally a disgrace. I know a lot of men are dead beats but some just want to be dads. It’s so sad.

And I just want to add I know I’m going on and on and on and on. But thank you guys so much for listening. I don’t have anyone. We only have each other. I miss my bonus son so much but I’m trying to be strong because this is his son ya know? If I’m heartbroken I can’t imagine how he feels. I just don’t know what to do. My hands are tied here. I understand why he feels the way he does I do but he’s not going to change his mind.

I have a restraining order and my ex had to do a hair follicle test and none of those things would have been ordered without cold hard evidence. Not saying he’s lying but I would consider that there is information missing from the full story. Not Saying she’s not wrong but I don’t know that it matters what state you’re in there judges are educated professionals and they HAVE to follow a universal standard of law.

@Jesselee there is absolutely nothing missing from the story I can assure you. I have gone to every court hearing from the beginning and lawyer meeting since retaining him. She’s doing this because she wants to. The only thing I can think is my husband sat silently that day and didn’t say a word. He knew he was getting a lawyer and assumed all would be fixed. He didn’t think to say “hey I’ve had my son this whole time now the restraining order only has 2 months left it’s a problem, are we not seeing the bigger picture here?” His ex spirals. We got engaged she spiraled. Trying for a baby (child told her cause we had a talk with all the kids) she spiraled. She can’t handle him with someone else.

Ugh. That’s hard. I’m sorry. I genuinely hope it works out.