How do you cope with a partner being suicidal? 😔

My husband has been struggling mentally since last year and I tried to support him as much as possible. He has referred himself to NHS mental health service and is currently on the waiting list (it’s been 6 months). March was the hardest month for us due to us moving house last minute and the following week, him having to travel out of country for work. I never go on any work trip but this time he really wanted me there. I knew this job was very stressful for him and so we decided to make a a trip of out of it. It’s a 7 days work trip and we only got to day 2 when he had a mental breakdown and I had to call his boss and begged him to sent my husband. Luckily his boss understood us and the situation and booked us the next flight home. I also rang my MIL as I’ve never seen my husband like this and didn’t know who to turn too. She’s was an absolute star and stayed on the phone with me most of the night as I cried my heart out to her because my husband wasn’t communicating with me at all and I didn’t know who to turn too as I was overseas. My MIL offered for us to come stay at hers so we got rest and she could keep LO entertained for us. My husband contacted his GP when we got back in the country and the GP said they would chase the referral but we haven’t heard anything. My birthday was the following week and we were still staying at my MIL. We did something simple for my birthday and he wrote me a card and before opening it, he quietly told me not to read to out loud and I was abit confused at first but when I open it up and read the card and one of the lines said “ I won’t be here today if you weren’t there with me, I would have probably me 6 foot under if it wasn’t for you and I’m a grateful for you” that’s completely took me by shock and I was sick to my stomach. The idea of him not being here has made so anxious and I tried asking him about it in private but he doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel like I’m leaving in fear each day and every-time he leave the house on his own am very anxious and when I ring and he doesn’t pick up, I panic and think of the worse. His not ready to talk about it which I fully understand but am not doing okay… it’s affecting every aspect of my life and I feel like I can’t breath.

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I'm so sorry. Can he change his job or career? No job title is worth feeling like that and sounds like a lot of his stress comes from work as you and mil are clearly supportive. Try to get him to talk a bit even if it's just yes no questions he can shake his head or nod. To find something he can do like put a fridge magnet a certain way to let you know he's feeling self harm thoughts if he can't bring himself to talk. So that you know to not leave him alone with any hazardous objects like ties or knives. Get him out in fresh air every day especially sunny days, especially in the morning. For a lot of people these thoughts get worst at night and they feel fresher and brighter in the morning. Lean into that and remind him in the night that there have been days during this year he has felt better and there's every chance he will feel better again. He will laugh again. Try to make him laugh, watch stupid videos and movies. If he can focus. If he can't then he needs to be signed off work sick. The gp can do that

My husband has depression so I understand how you feel completely. He’s now got this under control and has had for the past 5.5 years, through the use of medication. He also accesses the NHS talking therapies, however this isn’t enough alone - ultimately, the medication is what he needs to stabilise himself. Has your husband discussed potential meds with the GP? I know they’re not always the route people want to go down, however I have seen the difference that these make to my husband’s every day life. He will likely be on them for the rest of his life, as are some of his and my family members, but for some people they’re just what’s needed. I really empathise with you as it’s such a tricky situation 🫶🏻

My husband has bipolar so I completely get how you're feeling. It can be very overwhelming at times, and feel that everything is on you to fix. Just remember that you aren't there to try and solve all the problems but to support your husband whilst he battles through. You'll find that things do get somewhat easier for you, and ultimately you have to trust that he will let you know somehow when things are bad. You can't force him to talk, and unfortunately the more you push him into talking to you potentially the more closed off he'll become. Show him you love him still, that you'll support him through it. It's scary but things will get better