AITA?

So my daughter is 17 months and I don't give her too much sugar very rare she has sugar. So when she gets it it's a treat. We stick to meal times and snack times other wise she refuses to eat her dinner before bed. I don't feel heard or listened to. I went out on Saturday with my mam stepdaughter and little sister. My lottle girl eats the same time everyday this just how it falls with her nap. So 11 comes and my mam tries to give her a sasuage roll and I kindly asked her nit to give it to her or she won't eat her lunch and if she doesn't eat it she will get wingey until she had her dinner. She then proceeded and gave her some chips after I asked her not to, completely ignored me infront of other people in the shop. She then proceeded to give her a chocolate homemade biscuit from a stall I asked her not to otherwise she won't have her lunch. Continued to give her half of it. So my pushchair was covered. In chocolate. Then on the way down to my nanas for Easter craft I asked my littl3 sister to just ignore my daughter so she would go to sleep or she'll be really wingey and I hate to see her like that because she's tired. My mam then continued to give her the other half of the chocolate cookie. Before she gave it to her I asked her not to because she needs to go to sleep or she will be ready for bed far too early and it will cause me problems later on that night. Completely ignored me again so as suspected she was a nightmare on the nighttime because she was over tired. When we got to my nanas she gave her chocolate while I went into another room I walked back in and said to her why have you give her chocolate when I've asked you not to her reply was because I'm her nana and that's what they do. My mam then asked my nice to come ask me if aria can have more chocolate and I said no and that's 3hat she told my mam then again did it anyway. My little girl wanted to play outside so I asked my mam if she would pop her shoes on and watch her for me for a few minites while I went to the toilet. When I came back the door was open I knew she went outside but my mam and my older sister was sat on the sofa not watching her in the garden where there are wasps bees and anything she could pick up! So I went out and seen my cousin was watching her... she's 10 and wanted to play so I brought my little girl in for a few minutes to see if she wanted to do some crafts and she did a lottle then wanted to go back out but my auntie took her out and was playing with her so I could finish her work. She then got wingey so my mam gave her a cuddle to try get her to sleep but she doesn't like the cuddles to sleep anymore and if you just lay her down she will nod off herself. She didn't care what I had to say. She then started to cry but I know her cries and it was a cry like she was hurt so I rushed in to see if she was okay. My auntie did the same and I said what's happened all I got she's a baby she's allowed to cry. And I said to my mam I only asked what was wrong with her am I not allowed to do that and she dirty looked me. There was more but you get the jist. Am I in the wrong? No matter how many times I ask her nit do to something in unbelievable and I don't see her very often because of this. You can be honest if I'm the problem then I chill abit but if I'm nit the problem I jave no idea what I'll do 😣

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I'm sorry that your family is disrespecting you so much. They should be listening to your wishes as their mum. It is hard to advocate at times but I wouldn't have even allowed for it to have happened a second time, I would have put myself between my baby and the other person. If you are struggling to advocate for yourself and daughter when in the company of your family I'd maybe take a step back from seeing them for a while. Going forwards every time they ignore you, remove yourself from their company. They may eventually learn or just start doing it behind your back which obviously is a whole other problem.

@Jess I did try to stop her the other times but by the time I got to her she'd already ate it 😣 my child could eat for days! I'd done this when she was a couple of months old and my mam didn't contact me for 3 months didn't even ask about the baby and I got the blame from it from my older sister because I was apparently upsetting her because I wouldn't let her buy things that I didn't like. Now I see it as of I don't like it pick something different she's my child and I birthed her I dress her how I feel is comfortable, she's always in leggings because she just so adventurous the puffy dresses jist aren't for her they get in her way and gets frustrated so that's how it goes if I don't speak to her and I have a very gossipy family so I'm always in the bad books. I think I'll try and not contact her until she contacts me and see how long it lasts. Thank you!

Hi, I really do feel for you and it's not your fault that they behave that way towards you. Sometimes blood relatives aren't a great family and I think you'll feel a lot happier and less stressed by distancing yourself. I hope you are able to build a new family with people who support you instead of take over your parenting choices. You deserve to have support from those you cherish. If it makes you feel any better I cut off all of my dad's relatives after he died because they were horrid to my step mum. I didn't have to and they still try to contact me and it's been 7 or 8 years now but I haven't forgiven them for how they treated her when grieving. You're more than welcome to private message me 😊

The only solution I see to this is you physically being with your daughter at all times. Don’t take your eyes off her and be close by at all times. That way no one can do something with her you’re not happy about, she won’t be crying for an unknown reason, and most importantly no one can give her food that you haven’t approved. My daughters got allergies so I’d be absolutely livid if someone gave her food like that! I left her with my friend one time for about 2 mins to go to the toilet and when I got back she was eating toast with dairy butter, luckily she only has a mild allergy to it but I learned my lesson and won’t be doing that again! After the first instance of the sausage roll I wouldn’t have allowed her out of my sight for a second, I would say to leave but I understand that can be difficult if you’ve got plans with family!

But now they know they can’t be trusted you need to keep an eye on her at all times with them, a simple ‘no thanks!’ To offered food is plenty, you don’t have to explain yourself about meal times and naps etc, remember you can always just turn around with her and walk in the other direction and no one can stop you, they’re not entitled to you and your daughters your presence x

@Jess aw, I hope you are okay dealing with that! My partners side is amazing they always asked before giving her something as they are scared of choking which I 100% love about them and my dad and Stephanie is the same they only give her what I give them, I think it is time to distance and see how it goes thank you so much! X

@Lauryne thank you! I guess she can have toilet trips with me 😂 honestly she's that fast now with her running I get so many steps in by the end of the day, see I don't know if she does have allergies we have tested and done a few but some of the other stuff we don't eat so we never tried her with it, a lot of the time it's more stress when I'm with them because they don't help watch her while I go do something quickly where my dad on the other hand and my stepmam they are great as soon as I pull up they are getting her out the car and watching her and say mam needs a break so should we play with this one or with the doggies, family can be hard, I've never left my mam to babysit because I can't trust her I guess I should have took that more in Thank you xx

If that was me I’d be going nuts and I’d end up saying “carry on not listening to me and I’ll stop you seeing her!!” I hate it when grand parents think they can do what they want!!! Pisses me off so much. Feel for you!! Xxx

@hannah and I have thought about cutting her off she does so many things I've asked her not to but if I went to family gathering it would be very awkward and I'd get a lot of family telling me to stop doing what I'm doing xx

Yikes! Honestly I would go no contact with her but that's me.

You know your child better than anyone. If they can’t respect that then they shouldn’t be trusted to watch them or spend time with them. Trust is a two way street and they are certainly not demonstrating trustworthy behavior. I don’t think you are in the wrong. Chocolate not only has sugar but it also has caffeine. That affects toddlers much more than adults. It’s not the same as giving a full size adult junk food. Set boundaries and stick with them. Your child is not a pet. They are a human you are trying to raise up with healthy habits. They are not your child’s mother. You get to make the decisions!

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