Accepting my new normal is a hard pill to swallow

My son is about to be 3 soon. His father and I have not been together technically for about 2 years maybe even more. We were living together the entire time until about two months ago. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I have been the sole provider the entire time. Since day 1. He hasn’t worked in almost 10 years. He left his career to explore entrepreneurial work , trades and anything outside of 9-5. When I met him he wasn’t working he was studying trades. I gave him $$$$ and I invest which he lost. Long story short he hasn’t been able to get a job although he saids he’s constantly apply , interviewing etc. the level of resentment I have made me become a nasty towards him and we would argue a lot. Being a mom is hard AF although I love it. But living with a man who not helping me financially and ima struggling was killing me literally. He would cook , clean , hands on dad but in all honestly I find that to be basic like what we’re all suppose to do as parents. So when I said that to him he would accuse me of beating him down as a man etc. and I really have started to believe that I’m this horrible women , selfish etc. but dang I grew up with men that provided , protected and lead. So that’s what I expected. Anyways I asked him to leave because we needed to create change. It’s going on 4 years still no financial he’ll he accuses me of only wanting money, but I’m not asking for material stuff I’m asking for help with rent , bills , diapers basic things. So it’s just been extremely hard to accept I’m a single mom now. He’s comes from Friday -Monday to help and hang out. He cleans , does meal prep and anything else I need help with. I feel guilty that he’s doing that and has to take the bus 4 hours ride because he doesn’t have a car. But I just couldn’t take living with him anymore. I’m so scared of the future , being a single mom raising a boy. He is in his life saids he always will be and will help when he’s working. I just fele so crushed , like my femininity has been stripped , and like dang I was not with taking care of or atleast our son. My perception of love is so different now. I don’t believe anymore and will focus on just me and raising my son. I’m 41. I’ve had love , great love in my life so I don’t need to persue that. Any tips ? I feel so alone , I am in therapy but I’m anxious , scared and don’t trust my decisions.