Don’t know what to do anymore
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When my lo gets like that, kicking, hitting, screaming i have learned she is totally overwhelmed or totally overtired. That's how she acts out. I used to get very angry, push her away or screaming back. Until her teacher told me this: They are toddlers. They are leaning. They don't know to react when overwhelmed and over tired. They are still learning. So everything your daughter acts out like that she is telling you: Mommy, help me, I don't know how to behave in this situation! That broke my heart. And I started dealing with the situation totally different. Instead of being mean back, pushing away, screaming or getting angry, I quietly just sit down on the floor and wait. I am quiet. I just sit and wait for her to calm down. Even if she is hurting me, all over me. Once she is calmer and quiet, I say: Are you ok? ..... yes /no Would you like a hug?
And 100% of the time, she will say yes, and come over to me for her cuddle. I will hold her and quietly and calmly tell her... Are you a little calmer now? Was it too much for you? How do you feel? Angry, frustrated, sad, upset, tired.... I give her the words and help her describe it so that she can understand what she is feeling. I also try and explain exactly what i think she mught have felt. E.g. do you feel frustrated? Frustrated is when maybe you wanted to do something, but mommy said you can't right now, so it makes you upset and frustrated. Or explain angry or sad etc. So they have the words and understanding for next time. One time, I explained an emotion to my 3 yo. And she said to me: Thank you for giving me the word mommy. Now I know what to use next time. My heart melted.
So... whether or not you or your husband is right ot wrong, always remember.... Mommy, help me, I do not know how to behave in this situation right now. And just thinking that, will make all the world's difference to your emotions as well as his due to how you then behave towards him. Good luck mamma. You've got this. X
It’s really tough when they’re attacking you not to react! But like others have said it’s often a sign that they’re completely disregulated and don’t know what to do with themselves. You have to do what you think is best really. Personally I try to stay calm (not always possible!) and talk quietly to him to not escalate things further. I explain to him that he’s hurting me and that it’s ok to feel sad/angry but not ok to hurt people. We talk a lot about his feelings and putting a label on them and I regularly ask how he is feeling and why. We’ve practised saying sorry lots and when we say sorry we have a cuddle to help the person feel better. It takes a while but it is making a difference!
When my little boy started doing this I just try and make it in to a game by asking him if he wants to do it himself or mummy help him maybe try something like that? But it can be so overwhelming sometimes with kids try not to be so hard on yourself when you reacted when you’re upset it’s understandable and speak to your partner about how he’s making you feeling by saying stuff like that ❤️