Are these things Step dad overstepping?

-wearing a “badass dad” t shirt -disciplining step kid and telling them what to do -being the one to tell real dad that he (stepdad) decided to keep child from school for xyz -telling real dad “this is what we’re going to do:” when deciding on a schedule. (Telling real dad when and where and how often he gets to have his child for “sleepovers”) -taking out of school early, attending teacher parent meetings and events alone (w out the real mom) -allowing and encouraging the child to call him dad, daddy, dada, and to tell people that he is her dad, and not even stepdad but just dad. -telling child that they are the “dad who is in charge bc I’m the dad who stepped up”. -real mom and stepdad telling child that he is “your new daddy” Mind you, dad has always been a constant in his child’s life and despite all of this, he doesn’t tear down the stepdad because he appreciates him loving his child. But this is too much imo. Dad is hurt by it you can tell, but tries to hide it so he doesnt upset child who likes stepdad. Any advice on how to go about this please?! Court doesn’t care…

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Imo only the last 3 are overstepping. I grew up with my bio dad in my life but my stepdad took the reins with a lot of things because I lived with him and mom most of the time. He shouldn’t be boasting about how much better than bio dad he is, but depending on the situation and court assigned custody agreement he has every right to do certain parental duties such as disciplining and school stuff.

It depends really. My middle son, calls my husband dad. His schools only know my husband and not his real dad. When it comes to visitations with his real dad, he goes through my husband to set it up. Not me. My husband is in the role of dad 99.9% of the time why would we pretend differently just because of blood.

I think some of it is too much if bio dad is actually in the picture. The goal shouldn't be to replace her dad. I know not everyone feels the same but I think a step parent should be able to follow through on discipline. When I was little my stepmom always did the wait until your dad gets home thing and I think it made me respect her less. My son was 6 when my husband and I moved in together and it was made clear that we were both the adults in the home and he was to listen to both of us. And we had conversations prior about what discipline would look like if needed. If it was something really big then we would discuss before deciding on a punishment. But I think my son and my husband have a better relationship partly because of this.

Last 3 were bad, I’d suggest chat gpt to navigate tbh, everyone is gonna use it anyway and if you can use something else do it. It’s logical and can actually help, everyone else will just give you opinions.

@Allexys that should be their father not your husband. That’s sad.

You don’t know what happened and why that’s how that works. Your situation is different, learn to put yourself in others shoes. Or at least not behave as though all women’s baby fathers are good men. A lot of them are bums, they’re not together for a reason.

@Ashby what?? I’ve been w this man for 7 years and he’s never once spoken poorly of his child’s mother. I thought they just fell out of love and he nvr talked about it. She’s the one who assumed he told me bs about her and started “defending” herself for no reason and would talk poorly to me about him.. and the. Bragged about cheating on him and “how many other guys I got and wanted me” while they were together like it was something to be proud of… everything I learned about their past was from her and my own experiences w her as herself and what she’s done to me personally after knowing her for so long now too. Not everyone’s baby mama is innocent. I thought she was. But even he admitted after I started asking questions that he “should have been more understanding and patient w her too and the mistakes I made”. At least he’s respectful and can move on and take responsibility.

Some are overstepping, some are not. What’s mum’s opinion as she’s allowing it/possibly encouraging it? As a step kid I never called my step mum “mum” (I was 9 when we met) but she was always allowed to discipline me and keep me in line. She had a say in my life as she was in my life as a responsible adult and carer. She did not however undermine my mother, she did not tell me to call her mum, she did not try to be my mum.

@Sarah she encourages it. She’s a monster tbh but hubby just takes it and ignores her since he doesn’t fight. She’s constantly saying awful things to him when she’s upset like how child loves her “new dad” more than him, doesn’t want him, and tells everyone he’s not her dad and stepdad is, or how she’s “scared of him” (she’s not. Seems opposite actually)

@Ashby sorry I thought you were talking about me lol. I get that it’s different but I mean sad in general bc it should be mom and dad and stepparents second. Regardless of who dropped the ball, or alienation. That’s why it’s sad. Not bc of who messed up but that fact that it’s messed up.

I’m assuming you are the wife of the actual father and step mummy to this little boy? I’m sorry he’s feeling pushed out by his ex and her new partner. It’s hard letting new partners into your kids life but he’s well within his rights as the actual father to make decisions on his son’s schooling. He can’t tell his son how to feel but he can be there as his father and hope sense wins out xx

His father went to jail for felony strangulation. Choked me til I passed out while holding our son. He got out and when he did I had already moved on and married. His father can rot in a ditch for all I fuckin care. So he’s lucky he gets visitation.

@Allexys oh I am so so sorry..