Birth without a support person

Hey I havent but I am due soon. Good luck and im sure the midwives will be great. Is there anyone else who can go with u x

1 reply

My mom could watch my son, but she hasn't seen him very much, and I wouldn't want her with me when giving birth..we go back and fourth alot and she has a way of really stressing me out. I think your right, midwives will be supportive in techniques. Especially being alone. Thank you for the support ♥️♥️

Done with my daughter ( well was an emergency c section) , will do alone again . But i just dont have a partner huni .. so really , not feeling like i want anyone else but baby’s dad there

2 replies

@Bre'Anna :) true.. not the end of the world ;) just need to try and set the mind on it

I imagine it can be hard accepting..lonely. But when you do it.. incredibly empowering.

I did it wasn't that bad I wanted my partner there but because of covid restrictions he wasn't able to but the midwives were very supportive and it wasn't as bad as you think it would be ☺️

1 reply

So you weren't permitted to have any support person in the room? I feel, you are in so much pain, and honestly there wasn't much my partner could do to take any of that away. That maybe, my mindset will be stronger alone because, yanno he usually makes everything better, and in birth, noone can besides oneself anyways. If that makes any sense haha 😅

you got this girl! do you have parent/sibling/family member or close friend that you would be comfortable having there with you

1 reply

Thank you for the support ♥️ I just don't have any else I would feel comfortable with giving birth. Also, my son hasn't been watched by anyone else very much and he has another baby coming home and I just want him to feel the most love and ease as possible. I have thought..am I incredibly out of the ordinary for this decision?

If this is something your partner agrees with then go for it! However if he wants to be present for the birth and you deny him that opportunity 😬😬😬....i know my hubby would neeeeeeever forgive me if i didnt let him go.

1 reply

He agrees that he wants my son to be as comforted as possible as he knows he hasn't been watched by anyone very much, and knows big changes will follow the birth. But, it will be hard because it it something that is beautiful to be shared with him. So there is a loss there. But with our first born in our hearts.

I had my son alone, the midwives were lovely. Honestly i was in my own world with the pain and everything it was fine

2 replies

Exactly how I believe it will be. Not much else you can think of other then making it through and delivering healthy baby. Was it by choice?

Yes it as by choice think that made it easier instead of that unexpected panic of having to be on my own. Good luck with what ever you decide x

Its a tough choice and I hope I am not in that situation in July when I'm due. My baby will just be 2 years old and a month when the new baby is born. I'm looking at a c-section again. I had one with my last(which is not why I'm looking at having one again btw. I know vaginal after c-section is an option) and I was TERRIFIED. But I told my husband he doesnt leave the baby alone no matter what. He and my mom were both in the hospital, but only he was allowed in the surgery room. And my mom was in the waiting room incase any emergency decision needed to be made. Which for me, would be my biggest concern with going to the hospital alone. Make sure all decisions are documented before you go. And make sure they have your partners phone number before you go in so hes able to make those decisions if needed. Hopefully they are not, but anything can happen during birth. It's always best to be prepared

1 reply

I am so thankful for the tip. Leaving the phone number so they can call my partner in case of emergency decision.

I just went through this. We had my son stay with my BIL & SIL so he had cousins to stay with, and he did better than we expected. Being in the hospital with no help, will be extremely difficult, especially when you’re sore and trying to take care of a baby. It’s great to have an extra hand there.

2 replies

I have a friend who recently offered to watch him, but he has never even met her or her kids. Thinking of maybe having all of us spend time together, but hard with COVID. But, I appreciate this perspective, as long as my two year old is safe then I am sure he will work through his time away.

I literally cried after I delivered her, because I was so upset I couldn’t see my son. We FaceTimed him after she was born, and he barely wanted to talk to us, he was too busy playing 😂 I couldn’t have done it without my husband there. I was so tender after birth and my tailbone feels broken. It was hard to get in and out of the bed, let alone when I was trying to breastfeed her, and realize I needed something. My husband had to hand me everything. Not to mention once you’ve had an epidural, you can’t get out of the bed while in labor. The nurses aren’t in there with you, and they’re not good about having a room with a table right next to your bed. I could either have the tray next to my bed, or my baby. So my drinks and stuff weren’t next to me.

The only reason I'd advise against it is honestly u want someone there that can advocate for you and your baby in the event you can't. Even if you have swap out him being there a few hours at a time labor can be a long process but anything can happen at anytime and u want someone who knows you and your wishes even if u are unable to express them yourself

1 reply

Thank you, I appreciate this.

I was alone. The midwives are great and honestly you’re just so focused on pushing a tiny human out that you don’t really care about who’s there or not. My baby daddy was working far away and made it to the hospital after I gave birth. And besides I felt even way more empowered knowing I gave birth without a support person

1 reply

Yes 💪 I agree. So so empowering. And you have to have yourself. And to me, that will make me feel stronger and better able to handle the pain.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about this decision as well. My son will be 2 when my next baby is due in June. I’m planning to hire a doula so I have time to become comfortable with her before labor. Maybe that’s something you could consider? My son is very attached to me and I’m concerned how he will feel /handle being away from me. Since his birth-the longest we have been apart is about 2 hours and no one else has really spent significant time around him. I’ve also asked my husband to stay with him. However, in my situation my husband wants to be there for the birth but has agreed to leave immediately afterwards to be with our son. Some people I’ve mentioned this to think I’m crazy but I just know I won’t be at peace worrying about my son. So Just wanted to say I understand and you aren’t alone in considering this 🙏🏼

2 replies

This makes me feel so relieved to here someone who can understand where I am coming from. Others may not understand who have had thier children around other caretakers. Just, honestly, needed this mutual connection/ understanding from another mother. Thank you.

Yes, I’m here if you need anyone to talk to ❤️

My husband was out of town when my water broke at 34weeks 6 days. I had a c-section alone since he was still traveling home. The nurses and doctors were AMAZING and made me feel so comfortable being alone. They asked what kind of music I wanted during surgery and let me be on the phone with my mom and dad (out of state) during surgery so that was so nice to have them! The nurses even took pictures when she was being taken out of me and when she got weighed and measured. I am so grateful for them, they were able to give me the experience of having someone there with me. Although it was fine doing it alone I’m Praying our next one due in June my husband is home!

My hubby left the hospital to go and get some thing from home when I was having contractions. The nurse said for me to wait for him to get back but i was feeling such a pressure to push I didn’t care if he was in the room or not and she started wondering about to try and delay it so he wouldn’t miss out! All I was thinking was get this baby out! 😂

I'm doing this in April. I'm fairly confident that I can manage it - my husband wasn't terribly helpful last time anyway, as he just got so overwhelmed. I'm taking a solo birthing hypnobirthing course and I actually think I'll have a pretty calm experience

4 replies

With me as well?

Would you mind sharing what course you’re taking? Is it helpful?

I had to give birth on my own as my partner was kicked out of the hospital just before being taken to theater to have a forceps delivery! I couldn't thank the midwifes and other nurses and drs in there with me because they were brilliant!

🙋

How does your partner feel about not being there during the birth of his baby? I know my husband was extremely supportive and head over heels already during my pregnancy. He wouldn’t have missed it for the world. If you think he’s ok with it then I say go for it. My nursing staff was so kind. I personally could never do it alone and I pride myself being independent!

3 replies

He wants to be there, but he also wants our first born toddler to be the most comfortable as possible before baby's arrival. And he knows we don't have anyone really..who he has ever been watched by. We are a pretty close knit family is three and he is very attached to us.

But he does really want to be there, so I am torn. We have some months to think deeply.

I’m super independent and work on the road a lot. I’ve taken care of myself most of my life as per choice. Currently 23 weeks pregnant however I could never birth this baby alone. Unless something happened and he couldn’t be there. He is half the reason I’m pregnant now, has been supportive throughout and is equally important to our unborn child. I couldn’t take that experience away from him. That’s just my thoughts if I was in your position.

1 reply

Thank you for this perspective. Needed to hear.

I’m considering this too for the same reason. We have a 2 yo too. I feel like if my husband isn’t with him (especially at night) I’m going to be worrying more about him than the baby.

I've had a few offers but as a single parent I'd be more than happy to do it myself with just the midwife team. My sons dad (not this baby's dad) has offered to be there so my dad can stay home with my son and have him overnight etc if needed, he can be a bit flaky but I'll take him up on it if hes free 🤷‍♀️

I had to have my baby alone in July. It was pretty tough at times, but her and I made it out healthy and safe. I’m a single parent, my daughter is the product of assault, and my own mother is the cause of a lot of mental and physical health issues so having her in the room would have made things harder and more stressful on me, I think. If I ever have another, I might just do it alone again unless I meet someone. You got this mama! Your nurses will be there and they are some of the most amazing nurses who work in L&D. Good luck! ♥️

Yeah, so we went back and forth about this. I’ve come to the conclusion it’s important for your spouse and the baby to have these moments at the beginning. It’s also important to me my husband is there in the rare instance something we’re to happen to me. My daughter is extremely attached to us I’m a stay at home mom and have been with her non stop since birth and sleep in her room every night @2yo but we’ve eased into it and let her stay with someone who isn’t us gradually for a couple hours. You can also find someone to watch your daughter for the labor and dad can still bond with newborn and leave after..? That’s our plan if our daughter is overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

I did with my 2nd kid. Only BC my hubby was with my other kid keeping him out of the room where I was. BC they won't let them in during the birth

I would look into hiring a doula in your area as your support person, Doulas are someone who there for you emotionally, physically and informationally. Typically they go to one or two pre natal appointments and are there during your labor/early hours of postpartum. If you have questions feel free to reach out to me. Having someone during labor to relay on is significantly better than doing it alone.

I think for the sake of a day or 2 you should have your husband with you, I had my third child a week ago and although the whole birth was pretty smooth sailing there was a moment where I'd dilated from 3cm to 10cm in about an hour unexpectedly, I had an epidural but could feel my body pushing the baby out and if it wasn't for my partner being there I don't know what would have happened because the midwife was no where to be seen and I wasn't within reach of the buzzer to call her. When she left the room I was still only 3-4cm so she wouldn't have come back for a good while to check on me 😩 so it was just aswel he was there to go find her because my baby was on his way out. Defo have a good think before you decide to be alone xxxxx

1 reply

Thank you for sharing ♥️ I am definitely thinking I need to find a way for him to be there.

I feel the same way too because honestly I kind of just got myself right now my Aunt is unable to be in there with me and I have no other friends. so what I did was the hospital where I would be giving birth I asked for one of the nurses that I know to give me a tour of the Maternity Ward just so I know where I'll be and what to expect. she's really pretty knowledgeable she probably won't be the nurse delivering my baby but she is very familiar with everyone there so I feel at peace about that

I didn’t CHOOSE to but I had to give birth without a support person in April due to the pandemic. I 10000000% percent would NOT recommend. I thought I’d be fine bc it was our second and I thought I was a strong independent person but it severely impacted my PPD and PTSD. Not having that bonding experience with my husband OR with my daughter was awful. Having the nurses be the first ones to see her and hold her instead of my husband, not being there for the first time he met her bc they whisked her off to meet him in the other room without me, not getting to share those special first moments with our daughter together. It was all very isolating. I don’t get to say “remember how it felt when we met her for the first time?” Or “remember how much she cried, or how beautiful, etc etc.” no one was there. I was totally alone. Maybe some women can handle it. I thought I was one of them. But I had unexpected lasting effects from it. Dont underestimate the importance of your partner there.

5 replies

My partner actually agrees we came with the decision together because my two year old is equally as attached to him. However I do appreciate the perspective especially hearing those first moments and I'm sorry that those were taken from you. when our first was born he had swallowed some meconnen and had to be taken away and I couldn't hold him for some time and that was hard.

Also as others said, I think it’s wrong to intentionally rob your partner of that experience. The baby is equally his and he deserves to be there too.

I’m going to have to. My partner is a hard man unless you show the fecker a needle, then he faints 🤦🏻‍♀️ So he’s useless! My mum was all geared up to be with me but she had a heart attack looking after my daughter at the weekend 😭 she’ll be on her feet by then but I can’t have her stressing out and dropping dead on me the poor wee soul. I’m used to Doing the important stuff alone at my age so I’ll be fine. I wish I could have some company though for some banter 😕

I did! I was inducee but needed my husband to watch our other kids. Personally if I had someone else I trusted around I would have prefered my husband to be there. During wasnt bad but after when you wanna rest you cant because no one else is around to help. :/

I would feel gutted if my husband missed our baby’s birth. If you do have to go that route I would %100 recommend a birth doula to be there for you. If you have a friend or someone who has babysat before then maybe have them come over a few times to hang out with your little one so he’s comfortable to be with that person when it’s time for the birth. Good luck and best wishes for your birth!

I gave birth to my son with my spouse in the room but "not in the room". He was working. So it was just me and the nurses. I found it helped me focus more and I had him out in less than 20 minutes.

I gave birth alone without my husband due contracting Covid 3 weeks before my due date. He wasn’t able to be with me during that time. Thankfully I was only in labor for 5 hours but I did miss my husband being with me through it all.

I'm literally in the same position. We should chat about it because i've been really stressing about it! I am due next month and we have no one to watch our almost two year old which means my husband will have to stay with her. I'm having a c section again as a choice... my mom is supposed to come but I don't know if she will make it in time 😩😩

3 replies

Yesss this happened to me in December when i gave birth. We had noone home with our 1yr old so the hubby had to stay with him during my c section.

Can you please dm me to let me know how it went without anyone. I will have to do a c section as well. I have a lottle one that my husband will have to stay with.

That sounds amazing! Maybe a cellphone in the room so he can hear or see . Great idea momma

1 reply

Yess my husband was put on FaceTime as I was giving birth!!

In may 2019 i gave birth to my youngest on my own at the hospital. My husband was home with our 2.5 year old (at that time). The hospital was understaffed too and i basically labored on my own and gave birth without any medications. I have to be honest.It felt better being on my own because i am a shy person and not having to worry about others around me was good.

3 replies

I can relate to this so much and it's hard to find others who do. I find more strength alone where I can really center myself. I am a super introvert.

Im 13 weeks pregnant now again and will do it the same way all over again. I wish you all the best!

9 months ago I gave birth by myself it was intentional because my husband had to stay home with my at that time 2 year old daughter we live far away from family and we just moved there so we didn't really friends that I trust my daughter plus my second daughter came surprised us middle in the night and I even got driven from the ambulance because everything went so fast

2 replies

Thank you for sharing. So nice to hear relatable momma's.

yeah luckly I gave 30 minutes after arriving in the hospital birth and feel was better without him there would be too stressful

I had my husband in the room with me, but I will say that other than getting to look back at having shared the experience it wouldn’t have made a difference to me. He was super supportive and all that, but to be honest my mind was so much elsewhere it wouldn’t have made a difference 🙈 I do love that he got to share our son’s first moments though ♥️

I did it was the scariest moment of my life had no family or anything

That would be hard. You can do it but it's nice having someone there for you, birth usually isn't a super fast thing you could have him stay home with your 2 year old till you're mostly diolated then have someone watch him for the time he is gone and him go back and get your son afterwards so that it's only a hr vs a whole day. But I get not trusting people, Id be scared to leave my child with someone who isn't family. Another idea is you could facetime him during it, ask the hospital first to make sure they will let you. If they do then he could emotionally support you that way and also get to watch the birth.

2 replies

With the idea of him coming later you may also want to check with the hospital, I just know because of Covid some hospitals are super strict on coming and going, and people just “showing up”. I have to get a Covid test when I get there etc. just make sure it’s something the hospital would be okay with or could work with :)

I am so thankful for this message. Super helpful. Thank you fo taking the time to respond. I believe this is the plan. Have him come, when it is almost time to push, so he is there to see his baby girl arrive in the world ❤️

I gave birth during the first lockdown in 2020. Due to covid I couldn't have my husband with me. I'd had an awful pregnancy and orginally went in to be induced, but ended up having to have a c section. I wish more then anything my hubby had been able to be there to help keep me calm and be with our little one when he was rushed round to the special care unit. Juat wanted to share my story with you, because my birth wasn't the greatest and I really wish I'd been able to have someone with me. Xx

2 replies

Oh mama. That must have been a lot. How is your little one doing?

So sorry for a late reply. Little one is now 10 months and doing amazing. I still can't fully talk in detail about his birth without getting upset but I'm so glad hes here and hes happy & healthy xx

Im glad it was helpful. That's great he will be able to be there! Congratulations on the baby!

1 reply

Thank you 🥰

Not intentionally alone, which still upsets me, but honestly I think the doctors & nurses were so great and helped me through labor better than my "support" person could have.

I am in the same boat. It's very stressful to think about it. Especially since I will be having a c section. They keep you in hospital longer. Would love to chat with some ladies in the same situation.

So I didn’t go through with it. In the moment it was too much going on so I didn’t protest when my mom continued to be in the room during delivery. But I honestly wanted to do it by myself for other reasons. And reflecting back on it I think I could manage it. I think if you’re strong enough (emotionally strong) you can definitely do it! If you have a great treatment team that makes a difference too. My nurses were awesome and I depended on them more than my mom being in the room

2 replies

I think I can understand your reasoning 💪 and if my mom was already there anyways, I would have gave in too. Your very strong.

Thanks!!

I think you should try to get a doula it’s like having a bestie with you but if not I think it’s beautiful to do it on your own there’s nothing wrong with it it’s an amazing thing you all your focus is on the baby and you can’t wait to see your baby so it goes even smoother. It’s nice to have someone though exactly if something goes wrong, they know your plan and can be helpful. Even if it’s just a friend outside the room.

1 reply

That is actually a wonderful idea!

You will be surprised how fine your toddler will be without you and dad for several hours. My son had to go to special care, and I could go with him because I had a c-section. Thankfully dad was able to be with him in those first few hours of his life, when I couldn't. My first was an emergency c-section after a horrific long labour. Again, dad was there to do skin on skin, while I was in recovery. I honestly thought my eldest (22 months at the time) would be lost without us. He had ball! It was like he barely noticed we were gone at all. Not what I expected 🤣

2 replies

This is super encouraging. Needed this 🙏 thank you! I think you are right 😍 Ecsecially if dad comes mainly during pushing ❤️

For sure. I was in 24 hours before having my 2nd, but dad only came when he was needed. I did want to create that normalcy for my 22 month old. Also, it helps dad bond when they are at the birth. My partner was there for #2 and still struggled to bond, as he was so attached to our first and was scared that it would affect his relationship with him.

I actual was leaning towards having my baby alone. I’m kinda vain and I don’t want the father to see me like that. And my mom is a very Anxious person and I feel like she is either going to get on my nerves or stress me out even more. I plan to take my portable speaker, listen to music and just push lol. I know it may sound weird but I really want to concur this alone and see everyone afterwards....

2 replies

And that's ok!! This is your labour. Your pushing your baby out. It's your body, your pain, your space. You matter. Yes, dad does too, but he is a support person untill the baby is in this world. You are the one who needs to feel your best.

🙂

I was completely alone and honestly that made it lonely and it was difficult doing it all alone

Maybe consider hiring a doula. As a birth & postpartum doula myself, birthing alone is not an experience that any mother should have to go through. You deserve support and it’s totally understandable that you want your son comforted by his dad as you all prepare for this transition. If this may be something you are interested in, you can find one close to you on www.doulamatch.net 😊

Not intentionally but partner and mum was sent home as no sign then 5 hours later waters broke was taken to labour room 40 mins later he was here partner made it cut cord but midwife was amazi g keeping me calm. We joke about it saying he missed it cause he didnt want leave dog lol i later found out he actually took dog out first lol. Xxx