Advice for managing behaviour

Does he attend school yet?

He’s started at pre school recently

Good. Get him in full time, this will help. Sounds like he needs a routine and stricter boundaries. School will be great for him once he settles. The teachers will give you feed back too on what works so you can continue this at home.

I don’t want to just palm him off on someone else though. I want to be able to enforce stricter boundaries at home

Not saying to palm him off 😂 but school is good for boundaries. Exactly what kids this age need in my opinion! What I mean is the teachers will be able to help you. Otherwise I suggest less screen time, reward chart (stickers) etc etc. whatever he likes go with that. Worth a try??

I just can’t see the benefit of chucking him in pre school more… We don’t have much screen time as it is - we try to do no more than an hour a day but even on our worse days it’s no more than 2… Sticker chart could work - I might try that!

I do understand you and I'm going through that when I feel more stressed and anxious. It's almost like he knows and then makes everything to make me feel even more stressed. I'm normally able to talk to my son and explain why he can't/shouldn't do something. Just go down and look him in the eyes when you are talking to him. Make sure that he listens to you and that feels listened to. Try to understand your child. They don't listen if a basic need needs to be met (sleep, food,etc). I give him natural consequences. If he throws his toys for example: in case he breaks them I put them immediately in the rubbish, if he doesn't break them they go to the garage for a period of time or if he outgrown them they go for charity. Sometimes kids misbehave because they need attention. Try to include him in whatever you're doing. Cleaning windows with white vinagre (non toxic), mixing things if you're cooking, vacuuming, give him something to scribble/paint next to you, do a puzzle together.

Also very important! Empower him! Give him a couple of choices. "Do you want a quick shower or a bath?". "Do you want to put your shoes alone or do you want my help?". "Do you want banana or apple?". This will become part of the way you communicate with him. Set house rules: "in this house we don't hit each other", "we are kind", "we listen", "we don't yell at each other", etc. Just a few (3 or 4) so you don't overwhelm him and he can repeat them over to you. Remind him of the rules when he breaks them. Be consistent and don't break the rules either or if in a situation or other you do break them, apologise and set things right. Give the example to him!