My partner is ALWAYS asking if I'm cheating.

honestly. That’s a personal problem he has within himself. he’s probably cheating and trying to reverse it on you so you won’t know. there’s only so much you can take of that person accusing you. personally i would leave. that’s unnecessary stress to deal with .. when there’s someone out there that will trust you and communicate their feelings and not accuse!! I’m sorry you’re going thru that! You deserve better

@Safia he has a LOT of past trauma with this. That's why I'm trying to really help him and stick it out because he's an amazing father and an amazing partner (when he's not in his head and feeling insecure). I really love him and I really want to make us work but lately every time he asks it just feels like a punch in the gut

I agree with safia and Niala. My husband used to ask me this in the beginning of our relationship because we were both in the military and stationed in different countries and there is a lot of cheating period in most military relationships we saw. He didn’t ask me daily but the few times he would ask I would look him in the eye and say. “ I never have cheated and I don’t plan on it now. I have never given you a reason to doubt me. If you think I’m cheating you can leave or believe me because I haven’t done anything and if you don’t trust me we can’t have a functional and healthy relationship.”

@Ashley I like this but I'm scared to give him the ultimatum of "trust me or leave me" because I don't want him to feel like he can't come to me with his feelings.

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There’s a different between healthy conversations about his feelings and accusations. But if you are having a healthy convo about feelings then ask him what actions of yours make him feel that way and give him logical justification for those actions or work on them if necessary

Thank you guys. We're gonna have a talk tonight about that difference between accusing and discussing. Fingers crossed we can get through this

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Could either be severe attachment anxiety, looking for a way out, or projecting. Either way communication helps. Try to ease him mind by letting him know small details throughout the day

It doesn't stop. Not even after 16 years. It will sneak into every argument. What would happen if you turned it around and accused him every day for as long as you can until he breaks down and listens to your feelings or leaves?

I appreciate you all for the advice. We had a really big conversation last night, and.. it was hard for him to take any kind of accountability for his actions. I poured his drink wrong and he got visually upset with me for it, told me he asked me 3 times and I still got it wrong. This was before we could even talk about the jealousy thing.. He really showed his true colors last night. We're on a break for right now while he sorts out his anger and trust issues. I told him he needs to start seeing a therapist before we try again. He's been receptive, not sure if it's just to keep me around longer or if it's because he genuinely wants to be better for his family, but he agreed to my conditions and is going to work harder to figure his shit out. We've agreed to stay monogamous during this break and focus only on ourselves. He lost his boyfriend privileges for a while and won't be able to spend the night or borrow my car until he takes actual steps toward bettering his mental health. This is his last chance.