in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Retroactive jealousy OCD

This is incredibly hard for me. First thing of many I’m posting incognito because I hate myself for being this way. Therapy is probably in my near future. First off I want to say I know how ugly it is to be this way and I know it’s a problem. That’s why I’m here posting about it, opening up, and looking for some words of encouragement. My boyfriend is the best. Hard working, honest, faithful which leaves me no reason to question or worry, and is absolutely in love with me and our son. I’d say our only “difference” is he’s not as sexual as I am and sometimes I take it to heart. He’s 35, I’m 24. Big age gap that leaves room for a maturity gap too but still, he thinks I’m great so I guess I’ll take it lol. SO…. I hate that he has a past. Was security for a strip club(was the best job for the hours and pay for what he was trying to do back then), slept with one of my friends before he knew me like 5-6 years ago😬, and so on. On a bad day I’ll dig these things up and go ballistic. Some days I’ll feel just fine. But it’s starting to wear on even the most patient guy I’ve ever met. I think I’m looking for someone to explain to me in a way that makes sense for ME, why this isn’t something to worry about. I will quite literally make myself sick thinking about how he hooked up with my friend drunk one time 5 years ago. Please take it easy on me, I know how absolutely stupid this all is.

Show your support

You’re not stupid for having feelings but you have to think everyone has a past when we get into relationships we have to realize that what happened before us no longer matters we can’t change the past we can only show you with actions to make you believe what is real and what matters. You say he’s the best so allow yourself to truly believe that and try to focus on how he treats you and y’alls child which will ultimately show that the past really is just that. Unless him or the friend give you reason to believe it’s something more just try to see that you are the person he choose to spend and make life with ❤️

It’s not stupid, your trying to understand your feels and there’s nothing wrong with that. But think of it this way, how would u feel if your man was holding onto things neither of you could control because they’re in the past. Sometimes we just gotta let things be where they are and in this case it’d be the past. Also ask yourself what unhealed trauma do you have that’s causing you to react that way. Sometimes it’s not even the situation that makes us feel the way we do, but it’s a trigger response to something that unconsciously remains and hasn’t been healed yet. Therapy is amazing so I’d suggest it even if it takes you a while to find your ideal therapist. Best of wishes hun💗 also your definitely not the only one who has thoughts like that, I’ve been with my man for 3 years and sometimes I gotta stop myself from getting mad at a situation that has nothing to do with me. And thankfully I’m in a space where I can talk to him about how I’m feeling and he leaves a safe space.

You can’t live in the past. It’s not healthy. He had a life before you, just as you did before him and there is a large age gap between the two of you. Same as my husband and I. If I thought about all the women he’s slept with, it would drive me insane. So I just let it go. I think therapy would definitely benefit you to work through and cope with your issues, whatever they may be and just keep in your head that he is actively choosing you. He has a family with you. He loves you. He didn’t do that with anyone else.

My husband claims himself that he was a whore before me. He has been with sooo many women it makes me really insecure some days. I remind myself on those days that he chose me and continues to choose me every day. Unfortunately, since he fathered a child with one of those women, she is still in our lives, however minimally since she isn't exactly the most active mother to her child. My husband also self-sabotages his life when it is going well, and nearly cheated on me when we were first together and I was convinced it was impossible for him to do that. I get worried when I feel everything is going well now, but remind myself he chose me and still chooses me. If he were to do anything, it would be out of self-loathing.

You are not stupid. Being annoyed by something turns to anger which settles into resentment. The hardest thing to overcome. I’m no therapist. But I try to avoid the thoughts. Ignore them.

Girllllll I’ve been there when I was younger too… now I’m 33 years old and what matters is the man he is today. It’s hard to focus on the moment and not think about the past. You said some really power statements in the beginning of your post, “My boyfriend is the best. Hard working, honest, faithful… and is absolutely in love with me and our son…” The age gap and gap in maturity definitely play a role and only life experiences bring about maturity so my advice is to have a conversation and start by showing appreciate for all of the positive things you mentioned and then ease into talking about your sexual needs. Maybe he’s overwhelmed and it’s taking a toll on his sexual desires. But a conversation is definitely the way to go. I would even write it out first. And for you as an individual, yes therapy for sure! Thinking about his past to a point where you’ll go “ballistic” that’s definitely a you problem and it’s not fair to him. It’s time to heal this part of your spirit, find

Out why it matters to you how it makes you feel and how to resolve it. Therapy is great for this type of healing.

I wish you all the best! And remember to focus on what’s current 🤗