Marriage ultimatum HELP

I think you are being very valid. I would feel the same way!

valid. i can see his point of view as well, but it simply doesn’t stand as strongly against yours.

It’s your mums house if the tables were turned would be put you on the deed to his mothers house ? Don’t be fooled he’s being toxic & trying to manipulate you

Wanting to keep the family together doesn't mean you have to add him to the deed. You can continue to be a family regardless. Your gut is keeping you from doing something for a reason.

Absolutely not!! Of course he’s furious cos he would never get the opportunity that your mum has so kindly given you!! Pls don’t make the mistake of putting him on the deed!! You will regret it in years to come!

Honestly to me it seems that pretty valid to want to at least get engaged when doing the deed for a family house. It’s also a bit sad if he doesn’t seem to help out much in the relationship already too because after having a baby if he’s around you’re gonna want him to help contribute to that aspect of your lives as well. I would say make whatever decisions you have to that’s going to be the best for you and your baby. If he’s abusive to you (verbally or physically) is that going to be good for you and a baby? Obviously I don’t know everything going on and I’ve never been in that situation but sometimes you do have to be selfish and make whatever choices are going to benefit you and now your baby because as a mom you’re the one that has to advocate and protect that child

If he’s good to you he’s going to live there forever isn’t he? So why does he feel threatened? Is he planning to misbehave once his name is on the deed? I will strongly advise not to include him. He has not even given you a ring and see how entitled he is already.

What if you add him on the deed once he has paid off the 20% down payment and closing cost your mother gave you. Make an addendum. I personally wouldn’t add him if there wasn’t a commitment or he stopped being volatile but what happens if he doesn’t and you part ways and he literally takes your childhood house from you? Maybe go to a family lawyer you always have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best but be smart and not emotional about it

Valid for sure, I wasn't put on the deed with me and my boyfriend and while I was upset with the way he went about it I understand that the house was originally in his grandmothers name and when it comes time that we actually marry then we can talk about it. If your boyfriend wants to abuse and bully you about this, even with the promise of later on you can add him to it, then you can show him to that lovely new door that won't have his name on it.

Very valid, but don't force him to put a ring on it. It will not work.

If he's the one putting money into the home and the only one doing it right now I can understand. I could want my name on it too. If he doesn't pay with the money he earns you can get the house because you wouldn't have the income.

When my husband and I were engaged we bought our first house, but I was not on the deed. We were together for 4 years and had a solid relationship and still we chose not to put me on. Honestly it’s smart financially, but figure out how you will be able to afford your payments if he does choose to walk away. The fact the he is even threatening to leave if you don’t shows his immaturity and lack of commitment to YOU in the relationship. I’m sorry you’re having to deal this with what should be a happy time. 🤍

Don't do it..get out fast..he'll never change being abusive..probably get worse..trust me in this..

I wouldn't put his name on it Especially because it's your family home.

Stand your ground! He is being very manipulative, if he leaves you over not putting him on the deed. That shows where his ‘commitment’ is, you’re about to have a child. Best he stop acting like one! Especially with the name calling and fits!

I don’t think he really has to go on the deed. My husband and I bought our house when we were engaged but since I had better credit, I was the only one on the deed / mortgage. I am still the only one on the deed. Our finances are combined fully so at the end of the day he’s paying for the mortgage too. Our loan guy told him he could be on the mortgage too but we wouldn’t have good of interest rate but some guys need that. My husband said “f*ck no I rather save our interest and we aren’t breaking up so just do her”. If there’s any possibility that you’ll leave him (which sounds like there is) I would say don’t do it. Because he then will be entitled to half the hosie

1st husband was pissed off. I didn't put him on the deed to my house. Guess what, glad I didn't. We got a divorce, and he tried to take my home that he paid not a penny for or into. Don't do it. He's trying to manipulate you.

Simply don't put him. If this is your mother's place it has a special value to you that one day you'll have to split with him worst case scenario. I just bought a house all on my name and I didn't put him in the deed or any house paperwork. I bought this house with my effort and he didn't put a penny in it. So no!

Nope. No reason for him to be on the deed. He's just paying until you get a job? I don't see why he needs to be on the deed and throwing a tantrum about it is kinda weird. If he leaves for any reason you owe him half which means you either have to pay him out half of the value or sell the house and give him half. Nope nope nope from me. I was engaged to my husband and we still only put his name on the house when we bought our first house. I see zero reason why and if your mom who is fronting the ENTIRE BILL atm doesn't want him on there then I don't see why he should be. He can always be added later or if you get married later he could be entitled to half. But he has not shown enough to be part of this at all. Stand strong if he leaves then he leaves and that's good because all he wanted was the house not you

I would not add him to the deed. I don't think I would even consider buying a home with him at all. Work on your relationship and develop a solid foundation of love and respect that does not involve verbal abuse, threats, etc- this will be the type of environment your child will be growing up in and learning from. Bringing a child into the world can bring a relationship closer but DEFINITELY challenges and tests it. Then add onto that a major financial commitment (in a pretty awful housing market) and relying on a singular income from someone who has already threatened to abandon you- seems to already be a messy recipe of disaster. Commitment can be seen and valued through other actions and behaviors and not simply through signing a piece of paper (mortgage or marriage). You are not being a "big hormonal bitch", your raw instinct is telling you (correctly) that something is not right.

Why are you still with someone that is abusive? Do think being married to him is going to change anything? Because it won’t and it would be even harder to get a divorce. Don’t put him on the deed and rethink this relationship.

Omg I didn’t even read the rest of the post, sorry. Sis, do not!!!! Put his name on the house. Pls don’t. Your gut is telling you no for a reason. Be safe and keep it in your name. He will get over it. And if he doesn’t, that’s his issue. He’s trying to bully and threaten you into putting his name on it. That’s not a great move on his part, and he’s freaking out about this for a reason. It should be your name only. If he leaves, then that speaks volumes on his love and commitment for his family. Seriously.

Don’t. Do. It. That house and equity can keep you and your little safe if things go south in this relationship.

I wouldn't be with him, also isn't having a child together enough of a commitment, the ring means nothing at the end of the day if the relationship is bad x x

You can rightly say to him that your mom wants only you on the deed and she's the one giving the loan and house and all that. He really has nothing to do with this deal at all. And perhaps consider that if your mom doesn't like him then there might be a reason why you shouldn't be with him.

you can put him on the deeds to the house but sign documents to say that that 20% equity is yours only if you were to split up and then he would only be entitled to half of the profits once sold and not the deposit which is all yours. Does that make sense?

Don’t do it girl. If the home purchase can wait until you start work.

Nope, don't do it! Abusive men don't change in my experience! You'd be better him leaving. Whys it always gotta be the woman putting into a relationship? 😤 Your mum should also have legal paperwork drawn so that if you do stay together he's not entitled to that 20% gifted by your mum if you broke up down the line. Always cover your back with people like that, hells take everything, given half the chance. 🫂

I would hate to see someone whose abusive and THIS pushy be put on the deed. He’ll make your life a living hell if y’all do end up breaking up at some point and then to have all that profit instantly /to potentially go through legal troubles? Spare yourself the troubles, you don’t even have a ring let’s be straight up here he’s not committing to you, he’s just seeing financial gain and seems like you’d be interested to do it so he could pay the bills which is also not fair, just wait until you’re working…can you afford house on your OWN if he were out the picture?

Tell him you’ll add him when you’re married lol. When me and my bf get a house I won’t be in the deed till we’re married

Definitely a smart move to only have you on the deed.. not only for your boundaries but also financially like Brianna said. If you have only you on the deed, he won’t have the debt of the mortgage on his credit file so if/when you guys need to finance something, he can have a better looking credit file and would be more likely to be approved than if he had a less appealing debt to income ratio with the mortgage on there. And that way he’ll have his name on things by himself too. Idk just a thought. I wish you the best, that’s a really rough situation💚

I don’t think you should put his name on it. He’s not even your husband, it just never ends well when women do that….sounds like you all should work on the relationship and if THAT gets repaired, move forward. But I don’t think you should put his name on your family home ( until the relationship is repairs an take your time to make sure that really happens). I think you will regret it…

Nooo don’t do it. Put your mom on the house if anything and make him pay rent. That’s fair and square.