A mum’s story

I always wanted to be a mum. It was just one of those things. While the girls of my age had big dreams, goals and aspirations… me saying “I want to be a mum” was a bit embarrassing so I never said it out loud. But my nearest and dearest always knew… my big dream was to have a family, my own eco system. Where I had my own little ones to raise, cookies to bake. And then, by the passage of time and struggling for 4+ years I had my first born. I cant not tell you everything came to me as if this is what I was born for. Although sleep deprived and tired and exhausted… and obviously an unpaid job, but my baby’s smile made everything worth it. His giggles washed away my sorrows, his hugs made the saddest day the most brightest. Then came my daughter. At first I was hesitant, I was scared to think is it even possible for me to love another child as much as I love my first. To my surprise, love only grew. It expanded like the universe. No shame in admitting the love isnt the same for both kids, for they came in very different circumstances. I became more confident with the second one. More experienced, more understanding of their needs. But one things is for sure, the part where they both hug me at the same time… part of me just wants to never let go. Motherhood for me has been hard in the average way it is for so many women. The sleep deprivation, the feeling of not being alone but a little lonely sometimes. But it has been so many good things too. It has made me stronger, it has made me patient, it has made me forgiving and it has given me purpose. And when I weigh the positives with the negatives, life doesnt seem so bad after all. Some people say having children is selfish, it isnt a lie. But its the best possible kind of selfishness… because the happiness and the warmth I get from my kids… all that love I feel for them, money cant buy. The life I want to give them, the people I hope to see them grow into. It gives my life purpose. Without them I dont think I could have been this fulfilled. So this is what it feels to be a mum for me, what it means to me. And if I had to do all of it all over again, I wont change a thing.