I don't like having sex anymore.
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@Nicole I was the sex addict..not him. I was a sex addict before him. I know the difference between love and just sex. Sex is his love language (or so he says) not mine. I can do without sex. But I'm not sure he can. We used to have lots of sex. I was the one always on him...like borderline rape. Now things have suddenly changed for me. I don't think my man is wrong for wanting sex. I'm not apart of the man hater club, and I do not believe men should think like women. I just wish he was more understanding and wouldn't lash out and get angry with me when I don't want to have sex, or accuse me of cheating or assume I don't love him or I'm not attracted to him. Men have more testosterone than women which is responsible for sex drive. To ask a man to just forget about sex, and just love me for me is asking a lot. But he is not a dog. But it will prove how much he loves me. We have been together for 9 years. I love him. But I question if he truly loves me. I've asked him if something happen (like cancer)
....and I could no longer have sex would he still want to be with me. He said yes, but he would be sad, but he loves me. I just think he said that to make me feel better at that moment. I am high risk for cancer. I actually need schedule an appointment for a coloposcopy. I am afraid and I think that is killing my sex drive as well . But he doesn't understand. He's so stuck on the fact that if I don't want to have sex, that means I don't love him. This may be a maturity issue with him as well. I'm 43 years old, I know what love looks and feels like...and I don't think this is it. We used to have a connection, but I think it is gone now. Just like that. Why? Is it me? Is it him? My real question was if anyone has ever experienced a drastic decrease in their sex drive and how did they handle it. Not the difference between love and sex. I am also the problem here, not just him. I love my man and he has needs too. It's only fair that if I ask him to meet my needs that I meet him half way.
I understand. Mine was the sex addict. I always felt if I didn’t participate when he expected it it would cause issues between us. It’s a hit or miss thing. I’ll just explain what our oncologist told us. Sex can be so much more then intercourse. It can be a new way of intimacy w your partner. We can’t have sex now without condoms to protect me from his chemo meds. He has always hated sex w condoms. We have been together 14 yrs. The lack of sex after being “addicts” all those years isn’t even a thing now. Yes we both want it. And yes we both find ways to please each other outside of actual intercourse. I’m not saying it’s an easy task; however, when you love someone both parties come to agreement & understanding. Like I mentioned before, you find what love really is when faced with terminal situation. Life’s too precious to worry if you are good enough for someone so they don’t cheat on you hun. Sit true in your heart & pray about your situation. What’s meant to be will be.
@Nicole I do worry about whether or not he will cheat on me because I love him. If his needs are not being met, he's going to get it somewhere else. Or leave me. I don't want that, I want to try and fix things if he is willing. I hope to marry him and build a life with him in a professional way as well. I want him to be happy too. This isn't just about me. I hate seeing him upset. But you are right real love is proven when time's are there hardest in a relationship. We have been through some pretty terrible things together and made it through those times. I hope we can make it through this. There are actually times when I do really enjoy sex and feel like my old self again. He is SO happy when I am like that. But it is very rare. I honestly think this is due to perimenopause. I tried to explain that intimacy is more than just sex. He doesn't get it. It's about intimacy for me. It's about busting a nut in the morning for him. And that is the problem.
I totally understand. My husband has expressed his feelings about the lack of sex. I have NO SEX DRIVE whatsoever and I'm only 33. We had our daughter in 2020 and prior to that my sex drive wasn't high but it was enough. Since having our daughter it has slowly dwindled away. Mind you, I had a hysterectomy (they removed the uterus and one ovary) so that of course plays a part. I saw a doctor about this issue, everything is normal with me. I just never have the urge, so he always initiates sex which he hates being the only one. I don't feel pretty so you know that plays a part. I feel like my body is unattractive although he reassures me daily that he loves my body. But honestly, I could go on without ever having sex again but I do it because I'm married. I get the feeling of it feeling like a chore.
Hi @Jennefer I feel you in some ways here. Yes peri contributes to this a lot as your body is changing in some very interesting ways. Here’s what I’ve done/am doing to raise libido…. Much of what you’re describing is mental. Your thoughts and state of being are influencing your actions…or inaction. You’ve got to turn on in your mind. This is not just about sex….it’s about pleasure. Are you willing to be turned on?
First of all, a sex addict man is NOT LOVE!! It’s sex!! Sex is supposed to be a loving beautiful connection between two people, not expected. I’m not saying it has to be boring or it can’t be wild & crazy, it’s all still intimate connection. I’m 47. My fiancée also used to be a sex addict. We had lots of problems bc of it. Now he has stage 4 cancer. And sex isn’t even a thing in our relationship anymore. Survival is. Connection is. Love is. You have to dig deep to find out what sex really means to you & your partner. And what would happen if you lost it completely. If he isn’t understanding of your needs or the situation at hand, then he’s not the one to hold onto. Wishing you lots of love!