Feel like I’m drowning

Hi Moms! I’m a FTM and I feel like I am drowning most days! My husband is autistic and has a lot of trouble with emotions and I am struggling so badly with it. Our little girl was born 6 weeks early and was in the NICU for 74 days before finally coming home. I am constantly worried about her and wanting to hold her, but she doesn’t always want to be held understandably. My husband gets annoyed when I pick her up and she starts to cry, he tells me to just leave her alone and do baby things but I feel neglectful if I leave her in her bed or chair if I’m just sitting on the couch. Anytime she cries my anxiety skyrockets and I get upset when I can’t soothe her and have to pass her to someone else. I feel like I am failing so badly at this mom stuff and it’s killing me. He makes comments that I know he doesn’t mean to be hurtful but I am a very emotional person and tend to take it very personally most of the time. Comments such as “she won’t always need you 24:7” which I know is true as she grows but it breaks my heart. My husband is a great dad to our little girl but it’s been really hard being so emotional and he just isn’t. I don’t want anyone to think he is a bad person because he is so good to us both, he just doesn’t seem to understand the struggle of losing myself and feeling so overwhelmed when I became a mom. I would normally go to my mom for any help but she actually was injured a month after my daughter was born and had to have neurosurgery for a brain bleed. She is recovering and is doing well but she cannot drive and is not always fully mentally present. I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting, I just really needed to vent and I am maybe hoping there are other moms who know what I’m going through ❤️being a mom is really hard so far!

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My inbox is always open. Though this has not my exact experience. I understand being emotional and being misunderstood by others and even myself. Congratulations on bringing your bundle of joy home finally!

Would it be helpful to read to your daughter or parallel play nearby when you feel too distant from her on the sofa?

Sending hugs first few weeks of being a mam is alot to take on tell him think of being naked in a room full of people . Does he have sensory issues with sound I have mild autism and use loop ear buds temu do a dupe dont have them but I wonder if crying is overwhelming him but tbh I think would be good for anyone with newborn I'm using them atm for the screaming phase and he is 14 month

My mom said I never like being held as a baby. I was in an orphanage for the first 8 months of my life and didn’t like being held by anyone. I’m 22 years old now and constantly call my mom and find excuses to talk to her. I go to her for everything and I still need her.

^this was to help you feel your importance throughout your child’s life. They love you and will ALWAYS need you. Some babies just prefer independence at times

It is hard and unfortunately Dads won’t really ever understand it from a woman’s point of view because they have a completely different experience of having a baby than we do. Of course you’re emotional, you carried a baby, she was born early an you’re her mum! That’s totally normal. Can you maybe join some mum and baby groups? It sounds like you may benefit from being around others who understand your situation more than your husband does

It is hard. You’re not failing, that’s a for sure. Big hugs

Being a first time mom isn’t easy it gets overwhelming and sometimes feel like nothing is working and it’s frustrating but it gets better ❤️ we have more good days then bad days ❤️ I hope you’re doing much better now best of luck xxx dm open if you need to chat

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