Uncomfortable around in laws
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I feel a bit like this sometimes but both family's are respectful of me still. My in law family are really close by and we see them frequently, I get on with his family really well. They never ask to hold her, I always offer. My family are 4.5 hours away so have only seen them every other month since my baby was born. I have two rules, no kissing and if she cries hand her straight back to me. Everyone washes their hands before holding her, but I still sometimes get anxiety someone will kiss her even though we've said not to. My parents once made a joke about taking my daughter back down with them as they had my nephew's car seat in the car (they look after him weekly). This made me really uncomfortable but I took it too literally. I know they all act this way out of love and excitement for their granddaughter but I've become a particularly protective mama! It does sound like your anxiety is coming from a place of them disrespecting your boundaries though!
I get this completely. We were living in a property at the in laws when our baby was born (major house renovation). We'd text ahead of time and said "we're going straight to our bit when we get home, we're all tired and want to be alone". They ambushed us by locking the gate meaning we HAD to go through their house to get to ours. I was furious. I'd had a c-section, spent a night not sleeping, had a 50 minute car journey home & was exhausted. I was bleeding a lot & terrified I was going to leave a puddle in their kitchen. We were furious. This has paved the way for how I feel about them now. They put their wants & needs & those of their granddaughter (who SCREAMED in my LO face & had the day off school even though we weren't discharged until 7.30 that night) above mine & my newborn baby. I know it's stupid but I can't forgive them for this because it ruined my first night home with my little family. My LB screams hysterically if they try and hold him - made worse when MIL won't give him back!!!
Mm going through this too, constantly asking for us to come up and always wanting to hold him, always hovering near me when I'm feeding him or soothing him. But he's very wriggly now and wants to be trying to crawl on the floor, not cradled for hours 🙃 they don't seem to get it. I'd try talking with them but sometimes they just can't or won't understand what you're trying to say x
So sorry to read what you are going through. I have some anxiety over other people holding my baby too. I ask that everyone washes their hands and don’t touch or kiss her face. Pretty much everyone abides by it but there have been some mishaps and some relatives that stretch the rules a bit which can be uncomfortable. It’s difficult when there’s new grandchild excitement but try to be firm about what you’re comfortable with, it’s important that Mamas well-being is a priority too. I get that it can feel really awkward to say these things out loud to in laws. Are you able to talk to your husband about it? Maybe he could have a quiet word and explain to his family that you’re finding it difficult? Otherwise you could explain that you’ve re-read some guidance online and you’d still prefer for people to wash hands etc before touching your baby. Just be clear and firm and strong for your little one xxx
I just have to say am so sorry you are going through this. It’s definitely normal to feel this way. I feel like this with my fiancé mum and dad. They do the same get up in her face. Always want a hold even if am only visiting for a short period. And when am holding her. They had a hold and will stand so close to me to get a hold. It annoys me as they will plenty of time with her when I go back to work. Also they have her every Tuesday for 4 hours. I know it’s their 1st grand baby. But it’s my first and only baby. So I want this time with her. When I first had my sister came over one day same time as in laws and it was so uncomfortable. I had to actually say come on different days as my sister felt so uncomfortable. As they both have different ways of doing things. And very strong willed women but it didn’t make it easy for me which is why they came over. As I was so doped up in pain meds. So I kind of get how you’re feeling. As here if you need to talk only a message away. X ❤️