Accepting yourself?

So I've been doing my meditation consistently for several months and that has helped me appreciate my girls ages and things that are going well. But man this summer is still kicking my butt. Sometimes it's the heat, sometimes it's my oldest wearing me out, definitely the toddlers wakeups, sometimes I can't wake up for hours in the morning. The worst part is I am slipping on being consistent with my supplements or taking my pm dose too late. It's just painfully obvious that even with taking a break from freelance and my oldest having a few camps here and there I still am way below average parent in terms of what I can manage in a day. I was cooking through our CSA stuff for a few days this week and on the third day I just couldn't get up. My husband wfh and that day was no big deal, but it sucks because he has to squeeze those hours like blood from stone, he always takes on whatever falls off my plate, but then has no time to train.

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You are sick. But no one can see this illness. My children don't go to camps and sports and we are not a run-around family...because mommy's body is a caution/yield/yellow light walking sign...Don't force a busy life because the other families do/can. We don't have to live up to anyone's expectations. Not our own, or hubs, or even kids and certainly not our wacked out society. Accept that God chose YOU and only you, to be the mother of your children. Look to only His expectations of being the woman He created you to be. He graciously loves you. Lately I've been praying for His supernatural strengths (and the fruits of His Spirit) to fill me up and energize me.God I can't do any of this without You, please be my strength. And He has delivered. I cannot believe the amount of chipping away I've been able to do with 3 kids! The house has stayed clean for almost a week. That has nothing to do with my own strength, I can tell you that. So as far as acceptance goes...adopt a slow lifestyle, accept Jesus's strength💛

So a little more information. I am Jewish/agnostic. So I'll definitely consider talking to the rabbi's wife, she's a high achiever, she puts together all the kid and adult events. I actually really like heading out with my kids, I feel like it creates memories I actually remember. The way I do things is contrast, few days out, few days in. I love it and I don't really do it to keep up with anyone, I don't use social media much. I feel like my treatment is really the best so far. I've been off gluten and dairy for years. My only thing that puts the stress on the stress hormones, duh, is that my toddler wakes up because of teething and my older child needs me to be a very mindful parent that is not parenting the way my parents did. I suppose the only area of comparison is other moms on peanut and the art moms in my art mentorship that managed to either homeschool their kid while building a business or be a single parent and keep up work and art. My mentor points out that if I consistently had no choice

to make money then I would push myself more. I am scared to think what kind of a mother my kids would get in that situation.

It sounds like you've already figured out what you like/don't like, treatments and lifestyle. So what's missing? What's the part you're needing acceptance for? And forgive me if I'm not seeing it plainly, I'm frazzled myself making lunch & holding down the fort! But if I can understand I'm happy to help with your question from my own perspective anyways 🤷🏻‍♀️

@🌻Desy🌻 I think it's the fact that what most people in my life refer to as 'privilege' is actually bare necessities when it comes to being the kind of parent I would like to be. It's something to appreciate but I do slip into anxiety, what if 'x' situation ends, I have no way to prepare except more meditation. When it comes to comparing myself to myself, I am doing pretty darn good. I use peanut to chat with moms that work in the industries I was in or ones I am thinking to get into, and I am blown away by how much others manage. I feel like my illness is a drag on my whole family, but pushing through is not an option. My husband had a dad that had Parkinson's for fourty years. I think it's what made him both compassionate and able to read people even before they talk. So there is value, just not the kind of value I thought I would provide in my imagination. I just got through lunch lol. May the fort be with you!

I THINK I understand in terms of certain privileges being necessity because of physical condition ...like having a supportive husband! Mine is in a medical field so there's some understanding there, and instead of having expectations on me...he puts things on himself, "what do I need to get done around here today" type thing. There are some ppl that don't get the support they need from their hubs and have become passive aggressive with me over my lifestyle boundaries/limitations. Like for me, I don't go out with my kids alone-we plan for the whole family and tag team whatever the occasion is. So ppl say things like...its nice you have a "helper." When in reality, in a marriage...every man should be doing everything he can to be there for his wife/kids/home needs. That should be the norm, but its not. And there is always the worse case scenario what-ifs that want to invade my thinking...but that is honestly combated by my faith. I think you have Deuteronomy 28:1-14 in the Torah, right? In 2022 I almost died...

I was 4w postpartum & my pancreas & gallbladder decided that I didn't need to be at home with my brand new baby. I was hospitalized a few weeks. God had previously given hubs and I a response to our question, "God, what's your marital vision for us?" It was Deut 28:1-14 & DREAM BIG. So we did! We found land & built a house. Had the 3rd baby He told my old bones to have! But getting to that promised land was not pretty. I was fighting for my life and nothing looked the way it was supposed to. So I clung to that promise in Deuteronomy. It was a MARITAL vision...hubs AND me. So I had faith that God would be faithful to bring it to fruition and my health was just a stepping stone. I am here! Down a gallbladder but He restored me in many ways. But, I still have to ask for more. The autoimmune life isn't won and done. So I pray that you find that balance, and fulfillment. I pray you meet your passions and purpose and parenting altogether with ease and enjoyment and endurance that is far more than you could imagine!

Okay so I heard this song recently and it shot through my heart like an arrow...the singer is coming from a place of having been ill, too... Flowers https://g.co/kgs/ouXq1BF