Husband ignores crying baby

The cry it out method works for some and doesn’t for others… I personally wouldn’t use it 🤷‍♀️ He sounds like a right knob. You’re not too emotional it’s just against your moral compass and that’s ok because it’s your child.

Next time he comes to you upset about something, leave the room. Then tell him that you don't want to create a social retard, if ignoring your child's discomfort is okay, than he can deal with his own stuff too

He’s a dick

I’m not usually a violent person but this would push me pretty close to it tbh. He’s a fucking dick.

My partner isn’t exactly like this but he does tend to not pay attention to my son. It really infuriates me. He never plays with him, would rather just sit on the sofa and have him play with his toys alone in the room. If he does get upset, he tends to just look at him and say “Why are you crying” and not actually take any steps to soothe him. It does really frustrate me because it just makes my son even more desperate for his attention and cry for him, and he continues to get ignored. I’ll never understand it

He sounds awful and clearly not in a place to listen to your needs or the baby. You both need to sit down and talk about your expectations as parents and present him with the facts that ignoring a child will create a social retard rather than empathising and nurturing them by attending to their needs.

One of the best lines I’ve read on this page is ‘you can never spoil a baby, you’re showing them love’. Give your baby as much cuddles and attention they want, they grow up too fast. Love on your child!

@Hayley the cry it out method tells your baby you aren’t coming to them when they are signalling (crying) to you they need comfort. The rise is cortisol the crying causes has been proven to cause issues down the line.

I’d be threatening divorce. How can you put yourself and your breakfast before your crying baby!

I am sorry to be rude.. actually I am not.. but next time your MIL tells you what great job she’s done raising her kids.. point out what a dick her son is.. he’s the one who’s cold and emotionally stunted because he saw his mom’s “tough love” and thinks he can get away with ignoring his own child. You need to sit with him face to face and tell him he needs to do better. Maybe even a professional counselor so that he doesn’t go on the defense when you try to talk to him. Hang in there, mama. ❤️

I agree with @Lenka if he’s all about ignoring the emotional and physical needs of his loved ones then when he’s next upset about something, i.e. from work, or he’s hungry, or not feeling well, ignore him and say you don’t want him to become a “social retard” see how he likes it! Knobhead

You’re not being too emotional this is a concerning comment he made… I wouldn’t take this lightly

The cry out method is very old fashioned and has been proven to have a negative impact on a babys development. Basically they will stop crying eventually because they have worked out that nobody is coming to help them. A baby that young cannot be spoilt x

My husband says this kind of thing to me often about how everyone else says we need to do this and that with our daughter and not pick her up when she gets upset and he often just ignores her for his phone too. I hate it and its caused so many issues in our marriage. Your husband is out of line. It's very concerning that you can't even leave your baby with him to have a shower. Ask him why he wanted to be a parent and say that he needs to step up. He will be sorry when your son only wants to go to you and only bonds with you (that's what's ended up happening with us and now my husband has started to make more effort). It sounds like you're doing a great job and being a very responsive, loving mother that is providing the care and emotional stability your son needs

Girl. Now I know why he is the way he is. The efficacy of the cry it out method has been disproven by neuroscientists already. It has incredibly negative effects on the brain. Babies that are forced to self soothe learn that there’s no one to trust, no one to help. Their brains never get the support they need to regulate emotions, and empathy gets turned off. https://raisedgood.com/self-soothing-biggest-con-new-parenthood/ Please read that article. I have sisters who babysat for one mother that wanted them to use cry it out for her son. After the baby would scream alone in the dark for hours, banging himself against the crib asking for his mother, eventually they would hear him crying softly and singing himself a lullaby. They said it was gut-wrenching.

Look up attachment theory and show him the brain scans of the children in Russian orphanages left to “cry it out”. It makes my blood go cold. Babies cry to communicate an unmet need. If we don’t support them to meet that need then they learn no one is coming, no one will help. It’s heartbreaking!

WOW! what an arsehole, babies communicate their needs via crying. I’d be having a serious talk to him about what is expected when he cares for the baby. As for the “social retard” comment, babies that are soothed and feel secure grow to be more independent and confident. There are studies on the effect that sleeping in the same room as your baby has on their development, the key factor being that the babies needs are attended to quicker. I’ve heard that some Dads don’t start feeling the close bond with their children until they can play with their children and have a back and forth exchange. It may be that he hasn’t formed a strong bond yet, regardless caring for your baby should be a non negotiable. Sorry that you are going through this 💔

I'd be furious. I deal with similar things with my partner with our 3 mo, but he has been improving since I've had talks with him about how our daughter needs her dad to interact with her, and I need to feel like I can leave her with him without worrying that she's being neglected.

Nope I'm with you I think cio is horrendous and archaeic in this day and age when we know better RE brain development in babes. I'd stop meeting his needs, no chores that include him, no shopping for his items, no cooking etc and see how quickly he gets upset and I'd simply say it's the same thing. If he can't be arsed to care for a child that is literally half of him, he doesn't deserve to be cared for either. It's not something I'd stand in a relationship and I'd want him out if it was me but I appreciate it's not as straight forward for others xx Eta I will caveat however if it was just when he's sleeping himself it is actually a biological phenomenon that the primary care giver, usually the birthing parent, has a lot more changes to adapt to babe than secondary, but doesn't mean some won't also have it too if that makes sense but it can be excuse able in that one instance especially if they worry about it too, but not here imo xx

It sounds like he’s a bit brainwashed by his mom. Who is this “everyone we speak to”? Assure him that there will be plenty of time for baby to learn to self soothe later, and that research shows that babies with attentive parents have lower rates of behavioral problems. He also needs to hear this from someone other than you.

Your husband is emotionally devoid. Be very very careful, going forward because a man who can leave a screaming crying infant on their own whilst he sits eating and goes on his phone ignoring them is also giving psychopathic and sociopathic tendencies. It’s not normal. AT ALL. Read up on men who have killed/injured babies. It all starts with little things like this. Ignoring babies when they cry, crazy outdated theories of child rearing, leaving them to starve, thinking a baby should have logic and understanding etc to hitting/punching them, throwing them against walls when they can’t take their cries anymore. I don’t think you’re taking it serious enough. I would personally be looking to divorce over this because these deep ingrained behaviours in him are not going to change. He will seriously fuck your child up emotionally long term, if not physically too if you stay. Heed this warning!

First person that tells me I'm spoiling my baby by holding them, they will not get a nice reaction. Can't even imagine my own husband saying that. Fortunately mine has said he will hold the baby for 9 months because I already had them for 9 months 😅 But yeah, he's a dick. And it looks like he purposely do things wrong so you don't ask him to do it again.

How emotionally detached and cold he’s being, sounds like he was left to cry it out as a young baby

Sounds similar to my husband. He also had experience of being locked in his room when he was little and left to just cry :/ maybe it’s a thing to do with that. Altho when I’ve confronted my husband about it he didn’t respond like that it was more that he won’t stop crying for him so he’s given up etc. but I know how frustrating it can be. Not sure what to do as I end up taking everything on to do with our 17 month old son and I’m Currently 24 weeks with our second and been in hospital a lot of last week with severely high blood pressure so I’m trying to take a step back and let him deal with him sometimes but it’s so hard when you hear them crying and it’s not how you’d deal with it ❤️❤️. Hope to gets easier for you ❤️xx

What an idiot, listening to other people (probably other men) on how to raise a baby

wow i can’t believe someone can just sit and eat while their baby is crying right next to them.. idk how but you need to make him see that what he is doing is wrong!! not only is it terrible for your child, but how is it fair to you that you can’t have a moment to yourself without having to worry about your husband properly caring for your baby.. i’m sorry you have to deal with this

He’s disgusting. I wouldn’t be putting up with that BS and his awful excuses to ignore his child. If that continued, he’d be gone.

@Becca omg I’d never marry a man like this! How hideous 😢

I don’t agree with the crying out method but even at that this is not how it’s done you said you he was fine after having a bottle correct? With the crying it out method ur supposed to make sure baby doesn’t need anything first make sure he’s not hungry or needed a diaper change or anything and if he’s still crying then you let him cry it out but even at that I don’t agree when it and for him to make that comment I would be so pissed off

@Rose I was about to say this. I never tried CIO but as far as I know the first thing is making sure the baby is fed, doesn’t need to be changed and is not in pain for something, so he should still have tried to feed the baby even if he wanted to use CIO.

I am really sorry. You are in a tough situation and I know you will figure out what’s right. Your baby is lucky to have you as his mother ❤️

Holy shit. I would literally divorce my husband over this. Babies have no way to communicate other than crying so that's disgusting for him to ignore him. There's a ton of research that says cry it out is not ok. You can show him that research but it sounds like someone who would be on his phone and ignore him like that is not going to listen. You're not being too emotional, he's a shitty father and a shitty partner based on his reaction to you. Babies aren't supposed to sleep through the night from birth because their bellies are too little for big meals so they need to eat a lot. Your MIL is basically bragging about neglecting her kids and she should stop bragging because he's proof of what a bad job she did.

Leave him he sucks

Sounds like your husband's mother has created her very own social retard 🙄 You sound like a great mum, and he sounds like an awful dad. I'd be VERY concerned about leaving my child with someone like that.... which is a pretty scary situation when you are married to him. Personally I'd be taking a long hard look at my relationship, and deciding whether it was worth the potential long term damage to my baby's well being.

To the people that use the cry it out method and say that their kids are “fine”, this is a good example of “fine”! What a FUCKING LOSER!

I've been told I'm going to spoil my daughter by not letting her cry her head off and I say screw it. She's my kid and I'll see to her needs how I see fit. I've been criticized about her sleeping in too late, not forcing her on the grass because she's scared of it, not letting the cat scratch her so she will "learn". Screw them.

Cry it out. Guess ho invented method. Men .. 😢 They don't have so much connection with the baby. Old generations didn't care about emotional support. Look how many narcissistic people around. , psychos, addiction..... If a baby can't trust parents how difficult it is to trust the world 😭✨ It's easy to go on auto pilot.(Animalistic , reactive):It takes strength to break the generational trauma. To choose 💕 love and healing. To be better then your grandparents 😉✨ Wish you best luck dear. You know what it's right