Husband being lazy ?

First off you can’t be intimate for like 6 weeks, and you aren’t being extra sensitive, you need recover. You birthed an alien. Honestly, what is with these men??!

Sounds like no accountability on your husband part. What I have learned to do is accept that I can’t depend on anyone but myself. Is it sad, yes it is but it is my reality

I repeated all throughout my pregnancy that I’m going to need A LOT of help and that’s what I expect. And if he feels like he can’t do it, we’re going to need a parent to move in or hire some help bc there’s no way I can do it all especially the first few weeks. And I don’t. I’m 7 days pp and I have no idea how you’re doing it! I haven’t touched laundry at all and can’t even imagine doing that right now 😫 Kudos to you mom!!! 💖

@Anela he was meaning more so a blow job. But like when you are still bleeding, getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a day, not getting the support you would like in areas around the house, that's the last thing you want to do. I feel like if he were to do more housework I would be like hell yeah let me give you some head lol. Idk it's just pure laziness in my opinion. I was lucky to have my mom stay with me for 3.5 days while he was working. And honestly it was easier to do it alone while he was working. The only nice thing is he is taking his daughter to school and her activities because I can't right now. So that's literally the only benefit.

@Chandra that's how I feel. And in our marriage I already was there. I think he is just lazy and I agree, no accountability. And it's almost like he takes my frustrations for his actions and puts it back on me like it's my fault. Ughhhh.

@Holli it’s unacceptable, it’s laziness and you aren’t the first person to bring this up, every single post I see refers to men being lazy and not understanding the whole process and it’s just so disappointing. It’s really part of a larger problem with society as a whole.

@Holli to me that’s not cool…. You just birthed a human being and are recovering. He needs to put his needs aside and make sure you recover. Not be worrying about getting a BJ? Like the fuck? I’m almost due my son can come any moment and even while I was pregnant, if I cook, my husband does the dishes and even vacumes and cleans the cats litter box even without asking him. Men need to be more supportive. We can’t do it all!

@Kedra I did this too and said look the more pregnant I get the more help I need and when I have the baby I'm gonna need more help. So I brought it up again last night that I need them to pick up their trash and dishes and take care of them because it would help me alot. And that was the only thing that was well received. I got so upset about him sleeping all day yesterday and he did one thing besides do school pickup and drop off. It's like look I get no sleep, no naps, and am keeping up on the housework. Because I can't handle when the kitchen is dirty and messy and same with the house. It gives me more stress to have the house dirty and messy than it does to just do it myself. My husband wants me to make a list and that just grinds my gears. Like open your eyes. You live here too.

@Anela I agree ! I think men just expect it to be done or they just don't care if it is done. But I can't and won't live in a pig stye. Because eventually I will have to clean it because it got backed up for so long and then it's gonna take me forever. So sadly it is just easier to do it.

@Shazia I wish that was the case for me. I mowed the lawn my whole pregnancy and even up until I was 38.5 weeks pregnant. 🙃 he is the only bread winner and I think sometimes some men think that's all they have to do. Like what the fuck ? Like I can give a quick bj but like I feel like I need you to earn that a little more than you are. Like that feels like a reward for something you are not doing. I luckily feel pretty recovered for the most part. Like I'm still slightly bleeding but it's very minimal and I don't have alot of pain anymore. But I'm still not supposed to be lifting shit. So he feels so accomplished for moving the laundry basket from the laundry room to the bedroom. Like wtf, you could also help fold and put it away. I just wish it was different and I wish I didn't have to lower my expectations of him. I feel like it's going to make me bitter and angry.

@Holli Sounds so frustrating! I really think men are just dull 🤦🏾‍♀️ when I was pregnant, mine asked me to make a chore list too. I’m like sir u don’t need a list. If u see dishes in the sink just wash them instead of ignoring the pile - like Duh. But if it helps, May have to bite that bullet and send him a list bc it’s just unreasonable for u to do everything. I don’t even know how you’re doing it girl 😩 He may be mad now but he’ll get over it. Someone has to tell him the truth lol

What is up with that !? Like i dont need a list to use my eyes lol. Do I enjoy using a list for myself, sure. So maybe you go around and make your own damn list lol. I'm not your mama. You are a grown ass adult dude. To be honest I don't know how I'm doing it either. But it's only day 3 of his 3 weeks home and im ready for him to go to work already. Like leave me the f alone lol.

@Holli yeah my husband was raised in a Pakistani family so his mom would beat his was if he would be a lazy fuck lol so he learned that growing up which is nice to help out women even if he’s the breadwinner. We both work, but how pregnant I am, if I’m tired he tries his best even after being tired from work and I also try to do what I can. Maybe you need to actually talk to him? Or give him a chore list he can help with. My husband does 85-90 hours per 2 weeks sometimes and still tries to help

I have the opposite problem. My husband will do the housework but God forbid he helps with the baby. And when he does it's usually after I snap and his interactions with the baby are horrible.

But they have to want to help. Im tired of ladies having to encourage them with a soft talk and list like f that, it’s either you help or there’s the door, I want a strong man, I want a manly man to take care of me. These men out there are useless. We can grow a baby, birth a baby, and feed a baby all on our own, we don’t need them, but the support would be nice.

In 24 hours How many Diapers has he changed Bottles has he fed Burped the baby Meals has he cooked for everyone Times he’s checked in on you, how you are doing and recovering Gotten you a beverage without being asked to ensure you are staying hydrated Ect. If it’s less than 5 or none then this guy don’t give a shit about you Postpartum can change your whole life if you don’t recover properly And he ought to know you can’t have sex for 6 weeks

@Sonja he hasn't changed a diaper since we came home from the hospital. He will fix my plate for dinner If I'm feeding but alot of times he has to be asked to do most things. It's very frustrating. He will ask if I need help changing his bum while I'm mid change and almost done. They say that a woman will never forget how she is treated by her partner during pregnancy and post partum.

@Anela I totally agree. I think that's where my frustration comes from is I want him to want to help and I don't feel like I should have to baby him to do it. It feels like I have 3 kids including my husband. And he knows he is messy and all that. He talks about how I'm always picking up after him. Then why don't you change it !? Men...... ugh.

@Krizia oh man thats rough! I wish my husband would interact with the baby more. He says he doesn't like babies until they are 6 months. And then he admitted that it was a cop out. I'm like wtf. It's your baby, how do you not "like" your baby ?

@Shazia I wish that's how my husband was raised. His mom created a monster in regards to his cleanliness. She just was a maid it seems like. And now that's how he expects life to be.

@Holli the other day he said he'll be a better dad once the baby can talk. 🙄

@Krizia oh lord 👀😢

Yeah I'm not going to want to be intimate with my husband if he's not helping around the house. Not happening.

Remember that you all have new roles around the house and perhaps he isn’t stepping up where you think he should. Be extra verbal in sharing your opinions but try to come from a place of respect (even if you don’t feel like he deserves it). I read this book which talks about how men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved. This mindset helped the way I approach any discussion or argument and has led to much more peaceful resolutions over issues. It disarms them and then you can have a real conversation instead of them trying to defend themselves immediately. It sounds like you definitely need more help from him especially during this early postpartum stage. I had to be very clear with my husband with our first. Like “I need you to do this this and this” and that helped for sure. Now the second time around I haven’t had to ask for anything really.

@Allison you are better then me, I have no patience for stuff like this, I grew up with a father who just got shit done, no questions asked, not all of them need a talk. I guess I'm just used to that.

@Allison absolutely. & I’ve noticed that telling him or others the things he’s helpful with that I do like really makes him eager to do more. Whenever my mom stops by, I tell her how helpful he was today (listing specific things) and he blushes like crazy lol so once she’s gone, and I ask for him to do more, it doesn’t turn into resentment or this big fight bc he knows he will get recognition and I’m appreciative. It’s a bit childish, but in hindsight we all want to feel loved and appreciated right

@Holli lol right 🤣😂🤣 I think things that are common sense for us, just don’t click with men. They are not very bright lol 🙊