Unreasonable?
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We did a 4 day birthday for our girl so people could drop presents round and have her open them at the same time. Only my husband and I spent time with her on her actual birthday though as went out to a farm park just us 3. I personally don’t think birthdays are that relevant at this age as how will they even know what is going off, whether it’s the right day, what a present even is 😂 my gir just wanted to rip paper and open boxes. The gifts and seeing people were just a bonus!
I personally would stand your ground- my whole life my family has always done this and its always disrupted our plans and allowed other people to dictate what we’re doing, same at Christmas, people would just call in unannounced. Now I have my own family I am being more strict with boundaries even for grandparents- for example we did not allow visitors in hospital
It's your baby!! You should spend the day with her, u don't have to care about anyone else's feelings!! It's nice that your mum wants to see your daughter, but you have already made plans. If you want, maybe say she can pop around before you leave or after you come back
Do you know what she’s actually bought her? Can you see her on the Friday to keep the peace? If you can’t that’s ok just explain that you are busy etc. Keep in mind you are not being unreasonable with what you are doing. We did the same as you. Went out for the day on her birthday and then a little party the day after. I hate family occasions for this exact reason. There is always disagreements with when to see everyone xx