Post shower venting

I just had my shower this weekend and I’m a tad upset. The shower itself literally couldn’t have gone any better. It was wayyy better than I ever imagined and I was so grateful for everything, even from my MIL. However, I noticed my MIL kept pulling my husband aside for extended periods of time. After the shower my husband starts asking me about my birth plan and who is allowed at the hospital. I was suspicious immediately as to why he was asking now since we already discussed the plan and the hospital guest list. Apparently, he told her the day before the shower that she would not be allowed at the hospital. She was offended and at the shower she started going on about how it’s not all about me and she needs to be there for him. She started getting him anxious about my well being. “Who is gonna be there for you if she goes into a coma? What if something goes wrong? You need me there for you” 😑 Manipulation at its best. I’m pissed now. She’s not welcome at the hospital because she has treated this whole pregnancy as if I’m the wrapping paper on a present for her and her family. She was overbearing on our wedding day and I’ll be damned if I let her ruin the memories of the birth of our first child. The petty cherry on top was she started arguing with him about our circumcision decision. I discussed this thoroughly with my husband and did lots of research before making a decision for my child that he will not be able to consent to. She is not welcome to discuss my son’s genitals with us as it’s not her place. This crazy woman literally kept both of her son’s foreskins and announced that she kept them at our wedding. I don’t need her thinking she’s entitled to my son’s anything.

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Keeping their foreskins is wild!

She’s wayyyy out of line. First off - good on you and your hubs for having these big conversations and being on the same page! If you haven’t already, I’d recommend also chatting about how long you will (or won’t) be accepting visitors postpartum and setting other boundaries now so you don’t need to after the baby gets here. I really wish I understood what it is about birth that makes MIL’s act like this.

You do you girl! This is absolutely 100% about you, your husband, and your baby, that’s it. No one else is entitled to be there. One of my family members also argued about our choice to not circumcise our boys. To the point where we were getting Bible verses daily. 🙄. Why people think they are entitled to any decision regarding your child is beyond me.

Omg this what is wrong with the world and why our kids have no relationship with their grandkids. Mine kept telling me she will feed muly kids chocolate and soda every time they visit because I said I'll never introduce them to soda (chocolate when they are older obviously) , they were upset because I didn't let anyone come see my kids for 2 weeks pp. Needless to say I've never taken my kids over by my in laws. My son is 2 , my daughter 11 months. Don't stress it out , have your husband in the delivery room (I had my mom as well to take pictures and because I was petrified) and enjoy the moment. No one can ruin what you two create, you just have to be on the same page.

Glad you guys can have these chats! The labor and delivery is completely your day. My husband wanted his parents to come to visit us at the hospital, but it was a hard no. I only wanted him, my mom (for a quick visit only after delivery) and my best friend. You're at such a vulnerable state, having anyone other than those YOU need aren't necessary. And it's completely about you. My husband jokingly (i think?) Said he'd "need" his mom too. But that was a hard no haha. I also didn't let anyone visit PP until I was comfortable having guests. It was so uncomfortable to walk for a while. I also didn't want to share my baby with anyone. Even around 2 months, I hated seeing her in anyone else's arms. Your MIL needs to step back as she already had her spotlight with her kids. It's your turn!

@Ema right! I tried not to judge her when she said it because I didn’t have a son at the time so maybe it was a normal thing to do. Then when I found out I was having a son I was like, “ohhh, she’s just psycho. Got it”

@Emily yes ma’am! We had to have that conversation very early in the pregnancy actually since she wanted to move in with us after we had the baby. We have agreed that I should at least have two weeks before even thinking of entertaining guests.

@Rachel thank you! I’ll never understand why people feel so entitled to share opinions about other people’s bodies, especially when it’s a child’s.

@Simona absolutely! We have the same plan too. At least two weeks before having grandparents over. (Except for my mother who I want there to help me through this new phase in life). I hate when grandparents talk about how they’ll defy my parenting style too! There’s absolutely no health benefits to soda, why are they so insistent on giving it to YOUR children after you said no 🤦‍♀️

@Jessica absolutely! I appreciate you sharing your experience. I haven’t given birth before so I feel selfish telling him that my comfort trumps her feelings (which he has not argued with me about at all, I just feel bad about it because I rarely put my foot down like this) Hearing other mothers express the importance of remaining calm and comfortable is reassuring to say the least.

She kept their foreskins? 🤢 I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, she sounds toxic and exhausting.

👏 yess mama !! Put her in her place! She’s doing too much & trying to turn your husband against you just so she can get her way 🚩 she needs to be respectful! The audacity of some people. I’m glad your husband is manly enough to stand up to her ( bkoz some men are weak Cough cough *my bd / story for another time* )