Am I the worst mom to exist ?!!

No judging please. I already feel so bad and guilty for even saying this. I am a big believer in "speaking it into existence" but honestly I said this more out of spite to my husband but didn't think about how it could affect my reality and I can't stop thinking about it and I feel so guilty.   Story:   So this week we have been working on training my 3 yo daughther to sleep in her room through the night, along with establishing a routine again since we had been on holiday vacatio and it was all out of wack. She is great at going to sleep in her room but always gets up at 1-2am crying to come to our bed. So in order to stop this we said we would take turns getting up to go to her room comfort her untill she falls back asleep and come back to our bed, this has been working so far. So Monday, I got up, Tuesday he got up, Wednesday I got up, and then last night, as she was crying I noticed he didnt get up so I nudged him to go and he tells me "go, go, ill go if she wakes again or tomorrow. " So I get up annoyed and as I am walking away from the bed to my daugthers room I tell him something along the lines like, I dont remember my exact words but I said something like "Your going to regret, if one day she doesnt wake up anymore". Honestly I think I meant to say like "oh when she stops needing us, or when she gets older and doesnt want to sleep with us... etc". Anyways, I am so scared now, what if i spoke this into existence, It is eating at my brain, I am at work and I cant even focus because I cant stop thinking about it. I am already an extremely anxious person and I create thsi unnecessary scenarios in my head.     Ughhh, can someone please help me. Has this ever happend to you? Am I a horrible mom?!
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Please be easy on yourself. We say things we don’t really mean when we really need sleep. You did not speak it into existence. Your baby will be ok.

I feel you so much on this. You’re literally feeling guilty for what you said when all you were trying to do was prove a point like hey can I get some help and I’m so sorry because most of us moms are stuck inside of our own heads just reliving our own worst hells, creating them all by ourselves. You’re fine and she’s fine too.

Give yourself some grace, it'll be okay. I say the worst possible things when I'm overtired and it's the middle of the night, I've honestly said worse than that.. I regret it immediately after and feel like shit for saying it. We're all sleep deprived parents and say things out of anger and exhaustion.

Thank you all 😭 you have no idea how your responses helped me ❤️‍🩹 it’s been very tough this past month. Anything makes me feel guilty, idk I just feel like the worst mother of time. Today I started thinking that I haven’t enrolled her in swimming lessons, nor have I exposed her to like daycare or pre k, nor any activity. I see all my other m friends and they are enrolled in all these things and I’m just here like I haven’t done anything. My friends are not wealthy but they don’t need to worry about their bills. I unfortunately do, and I do with what I can. I started looking today to enroll her in something and everything is either registration close or just not affordable to me. She will be turning four in march so I want her to have some type of interaction. Ugg just so many things 💔

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