Unsettled at childminders

3 weeks is a long time to not be used to a childminder ☹️ Do you know what a typical day for them looks like?

@Parris I do but he’s only there twice a week

@Lucie my baby loves being looked after by my husband’s aunt, and is excited to see her, although he’s very shy and attached to us, and that’s only once every couple of weeks. Could it be that your LO doesn’t enjoy their time with the childminder?

@Parris Possibly. He used to be with a family friend but she’s in her 60s and struggling with her health but he adored her

@Lucie it’s a tough one. Personally I’d not feel comfortable if my baby was upset with going to her after 3 weeks, even if it’s only twice a week but this may be normal, I’m not sure! Does he sleep and eat well when he’s there?

He does

@Lucie then maybe it’s just the initial separation. Sorry I’m not of much help with any tips it’s difficult because it sounds like he doesn’t want to go, perhaps he doesn’t enjoy his time there or maybe it’s just separation, but if he enjoyed his time with your family friend then it would indicate to me there’s something particular he doesn’t like about being with your childminder. I’d ask the childminder to send videos throughout the day for your own peace of mind, and maybe switch up activities to help stimulate him a bit more

3 weeks when they only go twice a week is not a long time at all. 6 days, with lots of days off inbetween. This is SO SO normal. Great if your kid settles quickly, but there’s just as many children that don’t take to childcare arrangements immediately and with a smile on their face, totally at ease. If he’s eating and sleeping, what does it mean when you say unsettled? Because eating and sleeping is a great sign! Lots of babies don’t do either of those at first in a new setting! It’s okay, and normal, that they don’t want to be apart from you. That they don’t initially enjoy or handle the separation well. It’s okay, and normal, if they need more time.

@Chloe He’s clingy basically. Wants to be clung to the childminder constantly which is difficult when she has other children to care for too. Everytime she tries to settle him down with toys, he just gets upset I’m starting to worry if he doesn’t like her. He’s thrown up before going a few times but been ok when he gets there - no temperature and himself, so unsure if that is anxiety too

Okay, that’s normal!!! It’s difficult, it’s hard to manage for the childminder of course, and it makes you feel guilty/anxious/worried, but it’s really normal. What does the childminder say about it? My youngest has been much the same settling into nursery- he’s also been going for 3 weeks and only the past couple of times has been less clingy, happy to go off and explore etc. And if he’s clinging to her, wanting to be held by her, he’s building a relationship with her- he’s seeking comfort and reassurance from her. And whilst babies obviously can experience anxiety, I don’t think you can attribute the sickness directly to that- they don’t know what days are nursery days and what ones aren’t, where they’re going in the pram or car etc until they get there. That could literally just be coincidence. He might not like her- likely initially because you’re not there and she’s still unfamiliar, and it will improve, or it won’t. But he’s wanting to be with her.

Absolutely what Chloe has said 3 weeks only going twice a week is not a long time at all. It’s really natural for them to be unsure during this time as they adjust to it and build the relationship with the childminder. Does your childminder send you updates? Are they sad all day there or just when you hand them over? I know it’s hard so sending solidarity! ❤️

@Lucy Sends updates, gets upset at drop off. He plays with other kids but he’s now teething so I’m wondering if he’s being clingy because of that too