AITA: my husband joining the gym sent me into a blind rageeee 😤 (please read first)

Have you discussed a day or two where you could go to the gym and he looks after your daughter?

He does 2 evenings,you do 2 evenings then a session each at the weekend. If he can’t get on board with that then nobody goes 🤷🏼‍♀️

If you keep doing everything without speaking to him about how it’s affecting you or asking for help then he won’t know how you feel and you’ll just continue being blind with rage. He may have assumed you actually like taking those walks or hikes to get healthy so you have to communicate.

Have you thought about going once your daughters in bed? You shouldn’t have to wait for her to be asleep but that’s when I go because my daughters BF so I put her to bed and then go to the gym for 7:30 and if she wakes up at all then my partner goes in to her

@Aaliyah I would but my local gym (the only walkable one) closes at 9pm, my daughter’s bedtime is 8… so it wouldn’t really work

Oh sorry I clicked the wrong answer! He’s the AH! You should ideally both be joining and alternating days to share the load, mums need some time to prioritise themselves too xx

You should join the gym also and take it in turns to go in the evening that’s only fair !! X

Could you join a gym too and then certain nights he goes and you go on the others? Then the other puts to bed x

I don't think him joining the gym is the problem, it's the fact he didn't ask/discuss it with you, and find a way for you to both go in turns since you've made it clear you want to exercise too

Take it in turns, communicate how it’s made you feel and I’d hope he just hasn’t thought about it from your perspective

He should be supporting you too, so if it’s ok for him to go to the gym then there should be an agreement on where you can nip out for an hour..

I would be so mad ngl - to do it without talking to you first or considering you and your child’s schedule is annoying AF

Yes that’s not on at all, he’s taking you for granted. Outside of his working hours you should be equal parents so anything that affects that should be discussed. Taking it in turns is the only fair way.

Why can't you join a gym also? My husband and I both work 5 days a week with a 10 month old and we both go to the gym 3 times a week. He does Mon/wed/Fri and I go the alternative days after work when baby is already in bed.

Girl … tell him this , go to the gym and stop being so concerned about your daughter when she has two active parents in her life. This would probably be a good time to let go a bit and allow her and yourself to step out of those comfort zones. Babies adjust just as we do so a more positive approach would be good. Go to the gym and prioritize yourself. (This is coming from someone who works overnights 3 nights a week, attends school, and still is able to balance it all just so I myself can feel good too. . Personally wouldn’t let anyone mess that up for me. 🫶🏾🤷🏾‍♀️)

Can you guys take turns going? Each of you goes every other day?

Trusty old paper calendar in the kitchen... divvy up the days... some days he goes, other days you go. Also start getting him to take lo solo to the inlaws for afternoons/ mornings when he's off so he can get a taste of solo parenting. If you are on mat leave/Sahm your work is full time.... parenting should be 50/50 minimum when he's home. I remember having this convo with my partner... I explained that although I was at home I didn't have the luxury of peeing without being screamed at. I didn't get to call in sick, take a 30 minute lunch break or clock out at the end of a busy shift.

Are there any gyms out there with child care? We have a gym in our garage because of this. We both workout in our garage bc it because tough to have all three of our kids in child care at the gym. They charge per kid. I say, do what works best for all of you. It literally takes a simple conversation. And if it doesn’t make sense for you to go to the gym as well, make your own gym like you’ve been doing. You know. Make life easy for you.

My husband goes to the gym in the mornings before work, so he leaves the house at like 5 am to make sure he can be home for dinner. I workout at home even when my kids are awake and I get interrupted 900 times but I get it done. This works for us and we both get our needs met! Is there a mama friend you could trade childcare with to get gym time during the day and would your husband be open to working out during lunch break or in the mornings so he can still be a part of your family? It’s not the gym necessarily that’s the issue but the timing and how to also let you take care of yourself too

Joining a gym when he knows you want to join a gym but can’t because he doesn’t help enough with your daughter is a dick move. I would be pissed.

I'd discuss joining the YMCA, they have 2 hours of included childcare per day with your membership

He needs to let you go some nights too. Switch off bc it’s not right, your not the A**hole

Why can’t you go gym in the evening too if he watches the child ?

stand your ground girl! closed mouth dont get fed.

I’d join too and just say the deal is we alternate nights, one night you go and I do bedtime but the next night is my night for myself

I don’t understand why you can’t take turns going to the gym?

Could you not just take it in turns? Did he said before he joined that you weren't allowed to?

Thankyou ladies! The main issue is his work is a little all over the place, he often works over (he’s a chef) so I can never be sure what time he’ll be home, so I never wanted to pay for a membership that I couldn’t use. I also work 3 days (10-12hrs each) so I can’t do the gym on those days 🥱. I was more frustrated because he’s now going to make an effort to finish work on time so he has time to go to the gym. But when it was me wanting to go, he would just say oh I dunno what time I’m going to finish etc. I will speak to him about it though, you’ve offered some great advice, thankyou!