Is this rude or am I over reacting?

That shits for the birds and I wouldn't be surprised if he's over exaggerating his pain and injuries so he doesn't have to help.

How bad was this hit to the head?! I have health anxiety, I suffer with regular panic attacks and always jump to the worst case scenario. However, I also work, take care of my child, take care of my house, cook, clean etc etc etc......

@Genna it’s just making me annoyed because for the last few months I prioritised his needs, and helping him. And now that he came back like this, just makes me not want to do anything.

I feel like I’ve read this head hitting story so many times. Leave this broken record alone, what do you actually gain from this man he sounds so draining .

Basically your husband ⬆️⬆️⬆️

@Laura according to him he suffers from a concussion. He had a ct because he was worried and it was normal. That’s what I said, if it was the other way round I would still be expected to do things. He always had an underlying health anxiety, but a few days after hitting his head and googling things it got worse. So he didn’t sleep for a few days. Now his anxiety level is lower but keeps complaining about having tingling, vibrating feeling on his limbs, hot cold sensation on his body etc. Did you have these symptoms post panic attacks? He has been off work for a few months now as well. So I am worried he will lose the job.

You’re supporting him just fine, but what a lot of people who has health issues tend to use it as an excuse for their behaviour, which is a big 🚩 You can be the most supportive and most understanding person next to him and he’d still be able to find something to say to you to bring you down and make you feel like “you’re not doing enough”, or that you’re not being sympathetic to his condition. But with people with anxiety issue, that might be the reasons why it has aggravated him to say all of these things to as well, if this isn’t a regular occurrence. I would maybe leave him alone for a couple of days and go stay your parents. If he doesn’t want to do anything then he can be alone. Just say all you need to say like “sorry again about you hitting your head but I’m just going to let you rest while I take the kids to the grandparents” - then we if that will help you two to patch things up a bit after he has calmed down.

That's really hard. Lots of symptoms like pins and needles in arms/legs (which could be the vibrating feeling?) can absolutely be caused by anxiety. It's a symptom I get a lot, when you have a panic or anxiety attack your body goes into "fight or flight" mode and produces adrenaline which can cause tingly feelings. Lack of sleep can also really heighten anxiety - mine is SO much worse when I'm tired. To the point for me, I feel like I start to loose control of my hands because they start feeling numb (again that fight or flight response), and that makes me panic that I'm having something like a heart attack or something which makes it all spiral out of control. It's honestly horrible, if he is suffering with health anxiety he needs some support because it can be really debilitating. That said; I struggle to see how you can just not do anything like help out around the house etc, life does still go on 😅

For me, once I learnt that it was health anxiety it did help, because I can then notice it in my times of high anxiety and talk myself down. I had to learn coping strategies, but he can't do that unless he can understand that it is all anxiety related

@Nattinan I’m not sure if he’s using or if he really does feel like he has these issues. I feel like now he’s also got depression as he doesn’t want to do anything. He says because he’s in pain he doesn’t want to

@Laura thank you so much. It really does sound like his symptoms. Except he keeps saying he’s not anxious/nervous. So refusing to believe that it’s due to that. But once you do have a panic attack I think the symptoms linger for longer anyway. He does have sleep issues too, so he didn’t sleep last night which may be the reason why he’s in a lot more pain/feeling those sensations a lot more today. He keeps thinking he’s having a heart attack- as he keeps getting chest pain. But he has had ecgs before and all came back normal. How long have you had the health anxiety for? Did it suddenly appear one day? Or were they always there but just got worser? ( if it’s not too personal ) 🥲

Symptoms of my panic attacks can last days, it can really throw me off and put me on edge. I had my first health-related panic attack when I was age 8, and I'm now 32 so a long time 😂 it was on and off over the years and manageable, but then I had some actual genuine health problems (I had a stroke) when my baby was 6 months old (he's now almost 3), and that just caused everything to skyrocket and I haven't really been able to get it under control since then. I have therapy for it, I've had a lot of close family go through many health problems so they think that triggered it when I was younger, being exposed to a lot of serious conditions

To add - I've also had multiple ECGs and tests done, because honestly it can feel like the most real thing in the world!

I accidentally voted wrong but I would be annoyed

I think he should go to therapy.

Oh, I have so many questions. What was the nature of the head hit? (I see the CT was clear, but how scary the situation was may be important.) Has this been a complete personality change? If he's taking months of work (I'm assuming disability?), who is vouching for his illness? Did he used to help more? Regardless of what the answers are, I'd be very, very over it. There's nothing wrong with having health issues, or needing support. That being said, after a certain point, you need to take responsibility for your own healing - especially when you have people counting on you. And I don't say this lightly - I know it can be extremely difficult, as someone currently dealing with extreme undiagnosed mystery pain and who has had a whole textbook of mental health diagnoses. Lol.

Lol smells like a victim mind set ewww

He needs to address this with a trained professional imo. I also deal with anxiety and panic attacks. When you have a panic attack, your brain then connects whatever you were doing with the panic. So you think if you do it again, you will have another panic attack. And it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. But he cannot use his mental health as an excuse to be an absence partner and father

Is this the same guy who hit his head on the cabinet? I feel like I read that forever ago. He needs to let. It. Go. It sounds like he's using it as an excuse. Or has an absolutely debilitating mental illness. In which case he needs to see a professional. My husband has horrible health anxiety but he still shows up for me and the kids. And when it's out of control he gets help.

He needs professional help. Since he's off of work anyway, I'd suggest an intensive outpatient program. I've done 2 and both times they really helped me get my life back on track.

I agree with Kee. He sounds like a man child who I couldn’t have the patience for. I take it he’s been to the drs/ had investigations and on meds etc. physio?

How did he hurt his head ?

Send him back to his mother's house and move on even, he sounds too needy, what does he do for you??

Honestly I’d take him to the drs and ask what’s wrong with him if he says it’s that bad. Sounds like he’s just trying to get out of doing things which is beyond pathetic

@Laura his panic attack was 3 -4 months ago and he has been complaining of these symptoms ever since :(

@Victoria~ he gets cbt for his health anxiety, but I can’t really see any improvements so far.

@Katy I think it’s related to his family as well. He had a close family member die from hitting his head on a cabinet. So was thinking his fate will be the same. Prior to the head injury he was acting much more angry for a few weeks. He didn’t actually used to help more that’s the thing I told him. What sort of mystery pain do you have? X

@Sam some doctors think it’s health anxiety so don’t do much. The others referred him to spinal team/neuro team to investigate further. But even to be referred it has taken 3-4 months. So the anxiety just keeps building

@Michelle not much at the moment. Just blames his health condition. I feel so exhausted. Constantly have to be on edge and think about him and his needs as well as the kids. And unfortunately it’s not that easy to break a relationship in my culture.

Weaponized incompetence

I understand your frustration, but your health and mental health are important too, if your partner is not willing to seek help then there is not much you can do. It sounds like it will be excuse after excuses and also you need to think about boundaries and taking an element of practical control over your life. Cultural issues are hard to overcome like divorce or separation but at what cost, if that means you and your kids stay unhappy unless he is willing to work it out. I think you have to set the boundaries and say either you seek help, perhaps go to the Doctor's with him, if not you feel a temporary separation would be on the cards until he can focus what he wants and how to get out of it. As otherwise your partnership with him will no longer be a partnership but more like a carer or mother role to him and in sure that's not what you want. Do you and forget what others think it's not their life really

Is he putting in work to change or just wallowing in anxiety? He has to want to change for the therapy to work. Idk he sounds selfish but I don’t really know your relationship. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this

@Incognito - yeah, that sounds like trauma. He needs to address his psychological symptoms as well as his physical ones. And damn joint pain! Lol. Ever since I had my son two years ago. Knees, hips, back. By the end of the day, I can barely walk. It's taken over a year and 3 PCPs to even get an xray ordered 🤦‍♀️

Sorry but i have 2 chronic health conditions and i still get up every day do house work, look after the children ect. If he has been doctors and they have said nothing is wrong then he has no excuse not to help

Oh girl I feel for you, you have the patience of a saint, my biological dad is just like this and I can’t stand it! He’s been getting therapy for years and hasn’t changed a bit but honestly I don’t think he wants to change, he moved in with my nan and is a pampered little prince there and he loves it. My mum on the other hand left him behind in the 90’s, that’s how long this has been going on for. I’d stop being his nurse and giving him the time of day if he’s giving you nothing in return, pandering doesn’t do any good once you’ve heard them out and given them initial support as he’s just using it as an excuse for everything, either they decide to crack on and overcome their demons for their family or they don’t.

I’m not saying health anxiety isn’t real, I was given two antisickness injections by accident in the hospital and thought I was going to die so my pulse went to 190 and they thought I was having a heart attack but it was literally just my anxiety, I had to scroll through instagram to calm down then I knew I was fine while they were stood their with the resus paddles so it can do wild stuff to your body BUT you can’t let it control your life like that you have to fight it, mind over matter and all that. I’d say i’ve had enough of your excuses now help me raise our family end of.

It is difficult to say if he’s known to have made up stories before, and not telling you the whole truth. I know people can definitely exaggerate things they’ve experienced or are experiencing to make themselves seem more vulnerable and get more sympathy out of you. But again, if it’s that serious then I’d just take him to see a doctor, or specialist, and actually sit with him in the room while getting diagnosed. That should help clear up what’s real and isn’t, at least. But if he refused all that then there’s only so much you can do if he’s not willing to admit and get all the right help. Then I’d go back to my previous comment about giving him some space to be alone, but you’d also be getting a break from him as well, and that should help you both to be calmer and think things through better. When you’re back you can both sit down and talk about the next step together, rationally, if you want to work on your relationship with one another, and fight on.

@Michelle yeah it definitely feels like I’m his mother. The thing is I need someone to drop and collect my eldest while I am at work, and to look after my youngest while im at work. Otherwise on my single income I won’t be able to survive paying for childcare and rent and all the other necessities. So there’s also the financial aspect of it unfortunately. I have been attending majority of his appointments, but neither do they say nothing is wrong, or that there is something wrong. They just referred onto specialists to do scans, and as per usual it takes time

@Victoria~ he is getting therapy but I don’t think he is actually following what the therapist is saying. He prefers me to be in all his appointments apart from the therapy sessions, so I have no idea what the therapist advised. Only what he tells me… but he doesn’t follow that through either and makes excuses.

@Lor oh no :( I am So sorry! I’m glad your mum was Able to move on. It’s always the same things and because he has sleeping issues it makes his pain worse which then puts his down too

@Lor sometimes the anti sickness meds could make your heart rate increase if they administered it fast depending on the med. I wish I could say that! He gets so offended and switches on me so quickly. And then I’m having to deal with double trouble. I feel bad as I want to help but I feel like I’ve done everything I can and then I get treated like the above.

@Nattinan I feel like he wants sympathy. He had a hard childhood so I don’t know whether he feels like he wants to carry this on so he can feel loved or just be vulnerable in general. Even before this at his workplace he had the victim mind set. So it’s never ending. But I really don’t know if it’s health anxiety, if it’s his mind set, or if it’s anything physical. He has been going to the hospital/gp very very often. But they refer him to another specialist and so we are waiting. Some doctors at the practice dismissed what he said saying it’s because he is anxious, so he doesn’t go to them but goes to the ones that do referrals etc. It’s very exhausting

Now he’s looking for people going through similar things which means he may get bad advice. He thinks he has trapped nerve and that causes these issues.

One of the worst things that a lot of people with mental issues do is using their diagnoses as excuses to get their ways, which, to me, sounds like he’s doing exactly just that. Playing the victim-card all the time to guilt other people into doing things the way they want, or to get out of things they don’t want to do. Some would always find ways to get themselves seen or noted as a clinical patient who often needs attentions and minding. Unfortunately, not everyone can be helped, or wants actual helps. It is all up to you on what you want to do next.

Oh you seem so lovely you deserve so much better! You can only do what you can do but if he is making you unhappy or your life difficult then eventually you just have to put yourself and your little ones first you don’t need another baby to look after! Also didn’t know that about the antisickness, makes a lot of sense it was cyclizine I think!