HELP

I’d say point 1 exactly how it is. As for point 2 is it you or your partner that is telling her this information, either way to stop her spreading this information you need to stop telling her these things and then people you don’t know wouldn’t be able to know. Point 3- may be a bit against what you want but you could tell your mother/sister whoever you want to come and see baby what day your going into be induced/when you’ve given birth and they could hopefully come and see baby first. Just to kinda rub it in your MILs face. Like yes I live with you but my mum still got to meet them first. But otherwise get your partner to help make it understood that you do not want people you barely know meeting baby without your knowledge. Make it clear it’s not just you wanting that but he wants that as well.

@Poppie it’s not about rubbing it in MILs face it’s just making sure she remembers she’s not my mum nor the babies mum to make decisions for. My family can’t get here while baby is being delivered, my mum owns a business that she has to legally be in the building for it to run, hence why we are going to her as she can’t leave shut for days, also there are disabilities that prevent them doing the journey ☹️ My MIL is going to know the information as she has been taking me to my appointments etc because my partners work won’t let him have the time off, and like i say, has been super supportive but just doesn’t take some boundaries serious , she’s not doing anything to intentionally hurt me for me to intentionally hurt her back… she has to know the details because i live here and some of the conditions i’m facing need immediate medical help etc so she has to know since she’s the one home with me while my partners out at work. this is the difficult part… my partner is COMPLETELY on the

@Poppie same page as me, but his mum thinks he’s passing messages on for me, which is why i need to address it myself because she thinks he’s just agreeing but he genuinely wants the same! she’s going to be at hospital during induction (as can take days and my partner can’t be off until established labour) but is aware she won’t be in the room during the “pushing stage” so she will be the first to meet baby when leaving hospital, but that’s why this is so important! we want her to know that is a privilege and that next is my mum, to keep it fair, not her mum as she’s not the one who birthed xxx

Is there a way your partner could address this with his family gently instead to above? I don’t know them nor how they would feel but if I lived with my MIL in HER house and sent her something like that she really wouldn’t take it well. Not that she won’t understand the message but I think the method. Tone reads different in texts from person to person.

@Lily this is what i mean, he’s tried to, but because he’s so laid back she doesn’t take it serious, i’d never ever say it the way i have typed it , that’s why the post asks how i can word it to say it to her … how would you word each point in a face to face convo if you were me? i really don’t want to upset her but don’t think that im asking for much other than a few days to birth and love on my baby alone, that’s all! cxx

You’re not asking for much at all and I went through the same situation with my mum that’s why I know it can be tricky. We lived with her so there was a lot of back and forth with boundaries. Ultimately I had to just realise I wasn’t going to get the bubble I needed because I didn’t have my own space and pick my battles with the things that were of utmost importance to me. 1.) I wouldn’t stress that they’re lucky to live with him as it’s their house, to some extent you’re lucky to live with them. I would just say something along the lines of we’re so lucky to have all of you around. I’ve been looking into lots/attending lots of classes about baby and would like a chance to try things out myself. I know you’re very helpful and can’t wait to help us but we will take the lead on our baby and ask for help as and when we need it. As far as her spreading things I would say the onus is on you to just not let her know anything you don’t want known. If she does overhear something

Or something is obvious then at that point I would just say we/I would prefer to keep this to my/ourselves so please do not share

As for visitors, depending on whether you plan to vaccinate. We would just stress that there is a lot of viruses etc going around and baby’s immune system and temporarily yours will need to build back up before you can safely mingle. In order to keep baby safe you would like to wait X amount of time before people can come see baby. Apart from close friends and family we just said after vaccinations x

@Lily thank you! we could be living alone, she asked us to stay for a bit so that’s why i hope she respects our boundaries as we didn’t have to be here, she needed my help with some bits so now just staying until it’s easier to move (didn’t want to do it heavily pregnant ) i hope that helps her see that we made sacrifices and now it’s her turn to let us decide xxx

@Ezra we haven’t moved for their benefit , not ours… that’s my point. we are here to help THEM , so expect OUR baby to have OUR rules since we don’t need to be there if that makes sense?

also their house does not mean their rules for a child i grew and birthed🫣

Sounds like you should move out lol

@Brittany sorry?????? as in i’m in the wrong?

If you’re purely living there for their own good I’d move out. You can be there for them from a distance and don’t really need to be in the house to help them. Too many chiefs in one house is never going to work with a new born, you guys need your space to work out parenthood

I honestly don't think you can stop people just coming over to her house. Also, people will take it upon themselves to turn up in some situations, but because it's not your house, you can not force them rules. You already know it's going to be an issue, so I would suggest moving out. That way, you can get all that space and recovery, and you won't end up falling out with the MIL and family. I think the MIL will naturally just want to hold and be involved with the baby if you are there with the baby. I don't think it's ok for people to wander in your room and invade that space, though. I stayed with family from the hospital for a few days after one of my children and it wasn't their fault as in intentional but for me it was uncomfortable, overwhelming, people everywhere and I couldn't relax or recover as needed. I have also experienced everyone piling in at the same time and all wanting to pass the parcel with baby when living close to everyone. It was my partner who told them it was ok! When are you due?

@Kirsty i can’t exactly move in the next 2 days, due to complications i have an induction booked hence why we didn’t move while heavily pregnant once not needed there. i never said people shouldn’t come over, but they won’t be meeting baby if they do, as in don’t come over planning to meet baby because baby will be in our space we pay for if that makes sense? like we know MIL will be in and around baby and their space, it’s their friends etc and rest of her side of family we don’t want “fast tracking” to our baby just because of the situation - im willing to fall out with people over it because my baby shouldn’t be treated like a toy and requires time to settle too, plus her friends have no right to my child when i don’t know them anyway - it’s just more chance of baby getting sick so i wont be rushing any visits xx