Bitter ??

Many have asked for the dress code! I often times wear shorts (mid thigh) and a tank top around the house. Because i was breast feeding, i was wearing mid-thigh shorts, a nursing bra (no shirt). This is what i often times wear around the house as i am comfortable.

How old is your step child? Is there any reason she might not want them to see you in just a short and nursing bra? How long have you been in this child's life? Whilst she has no right to tell you how to dress in your own home there is potentially a fair reason for her not wanting her child to see you like that. There's absolutely no need for her outburst though 😂 she definitely sounds bitter.

She's just being a drama queen I'd ignore her drama queens thrive on attention

@Emily bonus son is 7. He has been in my life for 1 year. He has seen me (and other female family members) in bathing suits 👙 and other similar attire.

Oooh 7, yeh I agree with Emily and the ex . Sorry babe

Yeah at 7 I would say she's valid for wanting you to be a little less exposed around him day to day. It's not really comparable to being in swimwear at a pool etc. She's still his mother and she's looking out for her child. She's just gone about it all in the wrong way.

@Emily being devils advocate, what’s the difference between shorts and nursing/sports bra versus a two piece swimsuit?

Why do you need to wear shorts for breastfeeding, though? You don't feed your child with your legs. You could at least wear some jogging bottoms or something.

In my opinion you should never have given her this power over you. I am not a step mom but I have a son from a previous relationship and his dad has had girlfriends. I try to be friendly but never, not once have I grilled them about how they dress or what they do in their own home. It's not even on my radar unless my kid came home saying she was walking around naked or something. She is definitely bitter. The fact of the matter is when her son is with his dad, she has no say. The only thing I would maaaybe do is not wear a bra only. Going forward I would be polite but let the dad handle the coparenting. There's no reason for you to be an open book to her. Unpopular opinion but I feel like a lot of women have this mama bear mindset that they can control every aspect of their bd life and it's just bullshit. He's his father and can make decisions himself even if she doesn't agree with them

These comments are wild. Bodies aren't inherently sexual. Shorts and nursing bra seem perfectly reasonable to me. And to answer your question to another commenter: no difference between shorts and a bathing suit. Is this a hyper conservative family? If not, she's just picking on you. Time to have your partner step up and manage the communications. You don't need this and I don't think it benefits anyone for her and you to be getting into it.

@Rachel Shorts are perfectly reasonable lounge attire. What's wrong with legs? 😂

@Katy Thank god someone said it! These comments had me soo confused!! 🤣🤣 Picking on shorts! 🤯 I’m so glad she stood her ground!

There is literally no reason to continue to antagonise the situation by insisting on being around her son in a bra and trying to justify it because he's seen you in swimwear 🤷‍♀️ There are plenty of tops that are easy for feeding, pick your battles. This isn't the hill to choose to die on in my opinion.

@Philomena "You don't feed the baby w your legs"!? You don't feed the baby w sweatpants either 😂 This woman is in HER OWN HOME. And I was a step to a beautiful little girl for a very long time. I get the tricky dynamics. But the mom's criticism has nothing to do with the safety or health of the child.

@Katy 🤣🤣🤣 Nothing more needs to be said! 🫳🎤

Giving the ex the benefit of the doubt here- is there a chance the stepson has expressed that he's uncomfortable and asked her to say something?

@Emily I understand thinking about it like this, but here's why this is tricky: one woman's attire cannot harm a child. Women in mixed families still deserve to live their lives and practice bodily autonomy - by which I mean, a woman has a right to tend (or dress) her own body how she deems fit. We do not have the right to dictate how people manage their bodies or live, especially in their own homes. By giving the mom the win here, it sets a dangerous precedent with someone who clearly does not understand boundaries.

Well I think on her end that's inappropriate conversation to bring up in your home. Also, if your attire is inappropriate to the point it might inspire the child in the home I'd suggest wearing for clothing more modest. Children have a mind of their own and can be easily influenced. Since you are in this child's life I'd suggest try to look at it in a mother's perspective and you are her step mom so be someone she can look up too.

You guys are to grown to be arguing about something so petty and exploting on the internet is kind of childish too you guys could've talked this through and came up some kind of solution or agreement. Sometimes in situations like this try not to take offence and hear the person out always be the bigger person

You are doing nothing wrong. I would argue your bonus child will grow up with a clearer respect for the female body because of his understanding of the way it provides for a child and the way it changes over time. SO MANY STUDIES backup the idea that normalizing female bodies through family exposure reduces sexual violence in sons later as well as drug use and risk behavior.

Hm. Idk cause I for real dunno why she’s so upset with that. If I think of it from the mom point of view, (I have 3 daughters no son) I might have asked at most if she could have a blanket around her? I also wonder how my partner would feel if I had another boyfriend and he walked around in his boxers/no shirt around my 7 year old daughter’s? Probably not too comfortable either. But it is her home and she needs to be comfortable. How long is the son over for? A couple hours? But from OP it does seem like she’s alittle in her feelings to jump at her about it.

@Katy it is fine around your own child, but inappropriate around other people's children.

@Rachel Can you explain why? Especially if it's around your own home and your own family? (Her stepchild is part of her family)

@Rachel not that i know of and i have asked him if he is uncomfortable. He literally said “no [insert name] you have on clothes”. I am very adamant about comfortability, anatomy and consent in my household for this reason. I never want him to go home and say he feels uncomfortable.

@Syriah to me, this isn’t petty, this is very much her trying to dictate what i do in my home, however i was trying to think from a mothers perspective (as i am a mother of a smaller child) would i want another woman around my child in the same attire? And the answer is yes! My child would know about anatomy, and know that a body is a body, it’s the social construct that we put behind that body part that becomes sexualized. My bonus son doesn’t sexualize me. His mother hyper sexualized what i wore and now has a problem with it.

I guess what I take away from responses here is that some people do feel the same way as the ex so it's not necessarily coming from a place of bitterness. So maybe in that aspect you have been a bit unfair, but it seems like she was pretty rude and personal in the lead up to you saying that! She still doesn't have the right to tell you how you can and cannot dress in your own home, I think she does have the right to not particularly like it if that's how she feels but that doesn't mean you have to go along with any dress code.

@Rachel But remember, OP didn't say she was bitter for the clothing piece. She called her out on being bitter when the ex tried to insinuate OP's partner never wanted to end the old relationship. I mean, I'm not sure calling her bitter was a great decision (I probably would have just told her it was time to leave, but I certainly haven't always behaved perfectly, so I'm not judging), but I think it's important to remember the whole chronology of the story.

@Katy you're right, I didn't fully follow that train of thought. I do think if it was me I probably would have made a similar argument back after so much rudeness but I like to think I'd also try to be the bigger person and apologise for the bitter comment, for the sake of the stepson. Hopefully the ex can reflect on the argument and apologise as well because it sounds like one is owed.

@Rachel It definitely sounds like a situation that devolved rapidly and OP eventually clapped back warrantedly 😂

@Katy because it isn't her child, so it is disrespectful to not do what the parent of the child wants her to do.

@Rachel But that's not what you said. You said specifically that dressing a certain way in front of someone else's child is "inappropriate". I'm asking why you say that.

@Katy because he is a little boy & starting to be more impressionable at that age.

@Rachel And what impression would he get, exactly?

@Paulina Of course. No disagreement with that hypothetical. But OP addressed that that was not a part of the issue. Also, let's not use this post as a creative writing prompt and imagine things that aren't explicitly said. I think we're here to support one another, so I'm going to assume OP wouldn't lie about that.

@Katy that all women walk around half naked & that it's ok?

@Rachel Why wouldn't it be okay to dress casually at home? Kids understand the concept of bathing suits, for example, and that certain dress is appropriate in certain settings. Why would this be any different?

Dress how you prefer in your home and advise her she has the freedom to do the same. Does she cover his eyes in public when people are dressed in a way she disproves of? I'm sure he sees inappropriate attire in public. Theres nothing wrong with shorts and a nursing bra, bathing suits are more revealing. I think she just wants control tbh. My step son is 7 also and if I was breast feeding and wanted to dress that way in my home no one is telling me otherwise. If you were naked that would be different, you are wearing clothes and have given the child the chance to speak out if they weren't comfortable. If the child said they weren't comfortable I'd personally wear something different for that reason not because the mother is dictating though.

Can you show us a picture?

@Olh Gross.

@Olh i understand the wanting for a picture to grasp a more in depth perspective, however im a bit more on the curvy side and while i find my body very comfortable, others have problems with plus sized women. I don’t want to take a chance and hear a negative comment/opinion about my body (which has already been hyper sexualized). I’m going to firmly decline.

Well.. if you think sharing a cropped photo is inappropriate then youv proven a point. People get uncomfortable = clothing infront of your step son. x

@Paulina i haven’t proven your point. I don’t want random ass people like you fat shaming me for being a curvier person.

@Paulina absolutely not, you can be comfortable around family without wanting to share a picture of yourself and your curves to a bunch of strange judgemental women on the internet!!

@Katy because bathing suits have a purpose - to be worn in swimming pools and nowhere else. You wouldn't walk around your house in your bathing suit, would you?

I’m baffled by these comments. Are you all sexualising a woman for wearing a sports bra and shorts in her own house around a 7year old kid? Seriously? If you’re first thought was that, then seems to me that you’re the problem

@Beatriz this!

** just speaking on the bra alone. I think the shorts are totally fine** So I get the bathing suit pour of view but it’s time and place too. It’s intimate to see a woman in less clothes AT HOME for a young boy vs the beach where that’s acceptable and by the masses. I’m in your same position as far as dealing with a mom from a previous relationship but it’s daughters, not sons. Now MY son that we had together will see me in less clothes because he is literally my own flesh and blood and came out of me. However if his other daughters were sons, I would have to adjust to what the mom feels comfortable with because big picture, I think she’s just trying to monitor her sons exposure in an overly sexualized world. Not because of you personally. Also, curves are amazing!

@Rachel Totally have! I wear them gardening often (with shorts but since the shorts don't help me pull weeds, I imagine that won't make a difference to you). And yes, the bathing suit purpose is for swimming - casual and undergarments are for support and comfort. At home, there's no reason not to wear them on their own. Once again, you did not answer my question - home is where people are comfortable and casual and it makes sense that in that setting the clothing reflects that specific purpose. Children understand that. Why are you unable to specify why you think casual attire is "inappropriate" for women in their own homes? Can you truly not articulate why?

@Paulina ... you really don't see the difference between the comfort of one's own home and the INTERNET? get outta here.

@Beatriz Yeah, this is a "threat coming from inside the house" situation for sure.