Grandparents treating me like nothing but a babysitter

Ok i really need to vent. So my parents are still pretty young. Both of them are turning 43 and 44 this year and still have a 10 year old and a 12 year old at home. Maybe that's why every time they are around me and my 16 month old daughter they act like SHE is their daughter and I'm just her overnight babysitter. They tell everyone she is THEIR baby girl and only admit to being grandparents if I bring it up or someone presses them about her being my daughter. They undermine my parenting and do stuff without asking or my permission constantly. They have literally left the building with her without telling me and sent me into a panic attack and told me that she was happier going with them anyways. They have told me that she loves them more. I am sick of being treated like I am not my daughter's mother. They treat her dad, my husband, the same way. It hurts us both and every time I bring it up to confront them they go off and accuse us of being jealous and ungrateful for their help. If we didn't need the free childcare because we both work and go to school then I would cut them off from seeing her completely. I have had multiple breakdowns over this and it makes me so depressed to have my daughter yanked from my arms in public and have people treat them like her parents instead of me because they like to keep her from me and act like they they are her parents Sorry I know I'm being so repetitive but my mom "jokingly" said they should petition for custody since she likes being with them more anyways and now I'm crying in the bathroom at a restaurant.

Show your support

most states offer assistance for child care, definitely consider looking into that. the way your parents are acting is disgustingly disrespectful and it will only get worse if you continue to allow them access. i’m so so sorry you’re going through this

You need to be firm with them and set boundaries. And if you can, find other means of childcare if they do watch her. Cut their time with your daughter if they are gonna act like that They can see her and be with her on your time with your rules. I also understand what you’re going through I went through something similar with my mom.

What about his parents can you go to them for child care at this point I'd beg his parents and never talk to mine again

That's awful. There's been things my MIL has done that has pissed me off. Once at a charity event she passed my son off to someone and I didn't know where he was. I was in full on panic mode. Thankfully it was in a small town so I knew who it was but my husband went and ripped his mom about it. Saying just passing him off without telling us isn't okay. He was very firm and clear that it DOES NOT happen again or she will not hold him again. Maybe you need to set these boundaries and say if it continues to happen then they won't see your child. Make sure you have a back up plan for daycare though. Look into government assistance or his parents may be able to help.

Unfortunately his parents live 2 hours away so although they would love to help watch her, that's not much of an option. I have also tried looking into daycare options but there is currently a 2 year waiting list for every daycare center my area. Even if I wanted to get her in, I would have to wait for a spot to open up. Unfortunately, every time I confront them and try setting boundaries, they go off on me and tell me they won't watch her for us anymore and tell some kind of story that turns the rest of the family that might be able to watch her for a little while against us. I've actually had to miss exams for school because of them pulling something like this and my husband couldn't get off work in time. I just feel like I can't win. At this point, me and my husband both are just trying to ride it out until we can finish college since we are both almost done. After that he will hopefully be able to get a remote job so he can watch her from home and we won't have to rely on them anymore

You can say “she’s my daughter. These are her grandparents and they love her very much” if you meet someone in public. Or if they do something that you don’t like, you can say “I am her mother and I want to do x, y and x. Please don’t bring this topic up again.”

You can always take baby and walk out of the room if they won’t listen. Just walk out

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