Am I over thinking my situation? Does it get better?

It doesn’t get better unless someone changes. So unless you get your kids to do their chores everyday or he decides to just let it go and spend time with them, it will never change.

He has tight standards and there’s nothing wrong with that but he needs to accept that if that’s the role he’s going to play, those are the results he’s going to get. Nobody likes someone who they feel is always breathing down their neck and, while your kids do need to clean their room, when they do it, is he telling them “Good job”? Is there any positivity coming from him towards them at all? If the only time they’re interacting with him is when he disapproves of something they’re doing, they aren’t going to have a very positive reaction to him.

@LeKenya he does not give them much positive feedback at all. Even when we go on small road trips he's always on them about something, from the way they sit or the way they eat. The main problem is that it affects our relationship. He comes in and just goes off or he just wants to go to bed and not talk.

@Danielle I do everything I can to make sure that their chores are done and their rooms are clean. Mind you we have a soon to be one year old together and are currently expecting so I'm limited. I also work outside the home. He does things like run his hand along the counter top to see if it's dirty or check their drawers to see if their clothes are folded neatly

I think the question is how do you feel about his standards? Are these things that you expect as well? Neatly folded clothes and a crumb free counter top? Are the kids alone while you’re at work? Either way you can’t expect an 8 and 13 year old to come home from school and immediately want to do chores especially if they are unsupervised. He comes in and goes to bed but they come home and have to do a ton of things to please him? A happy medium would be a cleaning day together. A day you’re both off on the weekend if any. If they see you guys putting the same effort they may feel differently. If you’re not off together I would still recommend one big cleaning day. They can’t go out and play on Saturdays until their chores are done. This may entice them to clean up after themselves during the week if they’ll miss time with their friends on the weekend.

@Alyson I suggested the same thing. He often uses work as an excuse not to put in. I will say that he does our laundry and cooks at least once a week. I started making sure our room was clean to set a better example and it has helped some, but it's still not good enough. I just want peace in the house. I feel like I'm a constant mediator between him and the kids.

At the end of the day you are their parent. Not him. If you feel this is too harsh or not how you want your children raised it’s up to you to act on it. I agree children should have chores, but the way he is going about it is giving prison warden. He has to learn to pick and choose his battles. The resentment is going to grow tremendously and fast, especially if he doesn’t treat “his” children the same. And if he doesn’t treat his children the same that alone is enough for me to walk away. It’s almost like he’s punishing them at that point for not being his biological children.

@Alyson While I understand he is trying to teach them responsibility, I think he needs to understand that they are kids at the end of the

Encourage the kids to keep their doors closed when they are not in their rooms. Out of sight, out of mind. Instead of a cleaning day, try enforcing that they have fun trips out together (without you present) - it's easier to tell someone they have to go to Starbucks or for Frosties than to clean their room. 😉