Partner troubles

Has anyone noticed their partners becoming careless and distant recently? I’m 8 weeks pregnant and I feel like my partner isn’t necessarily mean to me but isn’t particularly nice either. He just ignores me. When we first started dating I got the good morning messages and he’d do ANYTHING I needed. Now it’s rare I get a reply before 7pm. Me and all of his mates used to play games together and I adored it as it made me feel so liked and included yet recently he’s been playing with them non stop til 7am some nights and doesn’t even think to invite me unless I ask. He used to cook me meals to make sure I was eating properly but now when I’m at his I eat 1 meal a day max because he “can’t be assed” cooking for me knowing I have mobility issues so struggle to myself plus I’m not allowed to bring up how I feel about any of this because he’ll start sobbing abt how he’s “failed” me and then his dad sees him upset and begins comforting him telling him it’s all okay and that it doesn’t matter when the reason I brought it up is because it does matter. I cannot be angry or upset with him without feeling guilty for upsetting him. And I have to be the bad guy to his family because his dad who’s a borderline alcoholic who’s never cared for any of his other grandchildren requested he be in the waiting room while I’m giving birth. I told my boyfriend (Dan) that I honestly do not want that. I’m not even sure I want my own mum there nevermind him however Dan won’t tell him that himself so it’ll have to be me. His mum calls my baby “our baby” as in…her included. I told Dan she cannot rlly be doing that. He won’t do anything. She’s buying stuff I haven’t even approved of for her house for when baby’s over. I’ve met the woman 2 times. Why on earth does she think baby will be staying with her and again Dan won’t tell her that. I’m sick of being the bad guy and him just looking like the victim with a “controlling girlfriend”. A few weeks ago I got upset with Dan as I told him I was coming to his (as he requested) and told him when I was in my taxi and how close I was. Regardless he went to Asda with his dad and left his pregnant gf standing on a random street in bootle at 11pm. Scary. I had a bit of a go at him for it as he knew I was close. His dad saw me crying cuz I was so frustrated which made Dan start crying. His dad came to comfort his crying son as per usual not knowing why I was upset said to me “is the baby okay?” I said “yes” and he said “well that’s all that matters then” I don’t feel like I matter anymore. I feel like my feelings are irrelevant and no one can see me as anything more than this baby factory which btw my bf quite literally made that my name infront of all his mates and told all of his mates I peed myself while throwing up. There was a time as I said he’d do anything I requested at all and never be so careless. He’s not being “mean” but I also can’t remember the last time he told me he loved me without me saying it first yk
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Not “mean”?? Youre still trying to make him look better than he is!! I wish I could help you, but that is not normal. His behavior is sick. If he and his family is like this at 8 weeks…how will they be when the baby is born? Will you still be able to really do your thing as momma without them trying to “make it better than you” or making you feel like a bad mother to your child? I would consider having a conversation with your man, without any family nearby. Be direct and honest. You also can bring up an ultimatum. He needs to man up and stop crying like a child whenever he wants to be the good one in front of his family, if he wants to be a dad to this child. And he also needs to show you, that he is serious and really wants this… Maybe search for alternatives and such…would you consider being a mom without any man?

Remind him the reasons you fell in love with him, and you still love him, but you don’t feel the love he once gave and all you want from him is to tell you what’s wrong? Sometimes they’re stressed about being a dad and they want to soak up the single guy responsibilities before they’re dads and technically “forced to” it’s awful and I find it disheartening that they feel that way but maybe actually telling him you’re in this together and you’re also scared will help if not. You might have to be ready to accept he’s gonna follow in his father’s footsteps and become an alcoholic himself.

honestly my son’s dad and his family are the same way and it never got any better even after i had my son it actually got a whole lot worse so i left him when my son was 2 months old you should really start thinking if this is really the life you want for you and your child if he treats you this way he would treat the child the same

Honestly, sounds like that’s just going to get worse. You’re in a good position to leave him you’re so young and have no other dependents so take the opportunity to make a clean exit. Of course you can discuss him seeing the baby and how often etc but honestly it sounds like he’ll hold you back and be a hindrance rather than a help when baby comes. Have you got strong family support of your own? And close friends to lean on? Sorry to be so direct but this is completely unacceptable and you deserve 1milX better xx

im going to keep this short and sweet… leave. doesn’t matter your situation with him or yours. you deserve better and i’m sure you can give your baby better without him!

@Jo yeah I’ve got plenty of amazing supportive family and friends it’s just a shame. I never wanted to even have to consider leaving him but he just doesn’t feel like the man he was when we got together anymore

That’s amazing, I can only imagine how hard it will be to action but you will be doing the best thing for yourself and baby, even probably for your partner too. Sometimes having children makes you realise you’re not meant for each other and that’s ok 🤍

It doesn’t change. How they are through your pregnancy is how they are when the baby is here if not worse.

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