Advice

Not selfish at all IMO, is he seeking any help for his mental health at all?

Not selfish, I'd never allow this!

@Caitlin he’s on tablets and seen a doctor and councillor but hasn’t seen him since before Christmas I honestly don’t know how much more I can take but he makes me feel like I’m being selfish and I don’t care about his mental health etc

Are there any times that he has the kids on his own? I would 100% be annoyed despite the mental health problems. Me and my partner both struggle at times (both have ADHD) but we both pull our weight with childcare because it's top priority. His view is probably that if he was at work you would have to do it all anyway. Have you spoken to him about it? Even if he can get up and sit & play with the little ones this could improve his mental health (because of bonding hormones/ brain chemicals) and would give you space to do chores without juggling it all. Can you discuss the night before and tell him you need an hour to do something? Run errands ect and then it can force a routine and reality check on his responsibilities? Also 100% agree he should be seeking support xx

@Corin I never get any free time to myself it’s always me who has them to be honest I feel like I’m a single parent I do everything I’m going out Saturday for the first time in 2 years for my friends birthday and I’ve had to arrange child care …. He might have them while pop over to shop but that when he’s finally got out of bed u have to wait around for him all the time I speak to him all the time about it but I just get well I’m depressed you know I struggle to get up and then I’m selfish and I don’t car about his mental health blah blah blah

The way he is saying you are selfish and don't care about his mental health sounds very much like he is weaponising the situation. There is a difference between having sympathy and empathy for him and expressing your feeling and talking about how the situation is affecting you. Your feelings and frustrations are as valid as his mental health struggles, the difference is that you are taking on the entire load and responsibilities and he isn't. There is a mental health element but there is also a behavioural element. If he can't improve his mental health that is fair but he does have control over his attitude and actions/ words towards you. Unfortuanlty depression is a very selfish disease. You can understand his struggles but it does not mean you have to accept his actions and behaviour if they are detrimental for you and your family. He needs to want to help himself out of this or things will not change unfortuantly. If you'd like to message I'm free for a chat, it's not an easy situation at all xx

Leave him with the kids and go for a day out see how he likes it x

I'm so sorry this must be really tricky because as mothers most of us have no option but to get up and crack on when we feel like we've got nothing left to give 😕

I’ve struggled with post natal mental health this time around. Im on medication and have been in therapy. The last thing I’d think to be doing would be lying in bed as that would just be sending me on a huge downward spiral. What helps is spending time with the people I love, going with the kids to playgroups, out for walks and having some sort of routine. No doctor or therapist would be advising him to hide away :-/