Husband Refusing to Move
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@LeKenya i agree with you 100%! when i’ve asked him if he even wants a family, he has said “i don’t know” and says that he doesn’t prioritize family because he didn’t “choose” when it happened. i’m really trying to hold on but just feel like i am wasting my time at times because we don’t prioritize family in the same way
It sounds like you are doing all the work and comprising to make him happy and to make this relationship work when he is literally saying no I don’t want to move forward with you… like he is wanting to move to the literal opposite coast! That’s him trying to do things his way. And having zero consideration for you and your future. You are wasting your time. He clearly has no interest in being committed to you or your child. It just seems like this relationship has run its course.
I dont understand, you wanted to go there he wouldn't go so you decided to apply for where you are and he is telling to go else where..for years and he won't go with you...that to me is so weird especially when he has opportunity to work! Would you have the child woth you or would the child be with him..I wouldn't trust this..this sounds weird. Is he saying he doesn't want to be with you. I feel like as soon as you move you may not hear from him..I dono
For anyone with experience in how men behave or what their saying... dating around will give you enough insight on how men and women think. But for those who don't know or have life experience or don't research.. guys usually will tell you they don't want to be married they don't want a baby ( many don't want it, some cultures the men do but most don't) they don't want burden of kid, they don't have it in them. Was the baby an accident and you wanted baby or did the baby come as soon as you met and he said OK but after seeing baby, he's like nah I can't do this? There no attachment, I haven't heard you say, he's great dad, he loving, etc or he was great man before baby or are you guys married or was it your desire, are you 23 or 35. he is telling you he doesn't want to be part of the family he has with you and isn't man enough to say he wants to be free, but u know he's checked out and ur leaving is easier for him to leave too, to start over.we don't know if u gave him ultimatum to choose u or breakup?
@Kat so essentially i applied to both CA and WA programs to make sure i have enough to match to residency. you rank any program you interview with and i was willing to rank WA as #1, and i had a very high chance of matching there. my husband and i had originally agreed that WA was a place we would both be willing to live in for a few years but then he changed his mind in the last few months and no longer wants to live in WA for another 3 years (duration of my residency), which is why his preference is now for me to move with our daughter to California because he says if i match here he would still move out of WA (likely to east coast) if given the opportunity
@Ali yes so essentially the baby was not planned. i was 24 and studying for my boards, he was 27 and working as software engineer. we had been together for about 1.5 years at that point and had been actually planning for engagement sometime that year. when meeting, we both came from divorced parents and really valued a child being born into wedlock, so when we first found out about the pregnancy, he originally proposed going to the courthouse to get legally married a couple months before my due date. the next day he asked me to get an abortion and i say no. we actually looked at rings 10 days later on our originally ring looking appointment date. about 1 month later, after i did my board exam, he tells me that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him and asks me again if i would consider abortion and i said no. then he says he wants to be with me still but doesn’t know if marriage is for him. i then give him three option: sign away birth rights and i raise baby by myself, we coparent,
or he marries me and we raise the child together. he unhappily chose the third option and things have not been well ever since. i would not call him a great father or husband and i very much feel as though he just wants to be single. we get along really well if the baby is being cared for by someone else, otherwise 90% of our arguments involve me getting upset with him not doing his agreed share of parenting which is literally 2hours a day. he never woke up at night to help me during my schooling, even though i had to be up wayyy earlier than him. he felt that paying for stuff was doing “a lot” and said he simply did not want to wake up at night. he has said multiple times that he wasn’t to do “as little childcare as possible.”
I couldn't be with a person like this..why would you guys make plans and get married for him to want you to have an abortion, it sounds very much like this situation here, where you and he make life plans around you finishing up your degree and then he says he changes his mind when he originally told you he didn't want to move so you put it as number 1, and then says go where you want ill stay and try and move as soon as I can..sweet this guy does not want to be with you, he is messing around with you and flipping his choices, I honestly would try and work out if something else is going on that he is hiding
@Kat wait sorry for the last part, you’re saying you would try to work it out?
I would be asking questions and trying to find out if he was hiding something, if he treats you this way, I think he either doesn't love you..by a. Not willing to stay even of you do, he wants to move without you. That's his plans..that to me I would need the real truth, and the whole thing about your bub..this would make you question every single thing. Look at his phone try and get answers, but no I dont think this guy is worth it..I think he is hiding things. Please make plans for you beacsue you want to, do what you want not because he's telling you to do these things. Make your own plans
Unfortunately the kid suffered the most.. if you came from divorced parents, why have a baby with a guy before marriage and why keep baby if he didn't want it. All of that is too late, but your probably very young still. And he didn't want this, but how can you get an abortion, a few months before the due date that is crazy , your so young, you could of had a baby at any time.. unless you thought this was your only chance to have a baby and with him..... think you wanted the baby, or did you both not have that conversation.. men that have babies with married life, they barley put in enough effort and slack off, but your expectating a guy that didn't want the baby, to put in his time? The arguments never end in homes where the baby is wanted by both is worse if the baby is unwanted. He's not going to change unless the baby comes to him as an adult, maybe. . He not gong to be a dad cause I'm his head, he has no attachment and he didn't want this and to him, he was pushed into it, even though he participated
But then it wasn't equal decision, you chose the baby, so therefore his logic is... it's not really his job and ir maybe, maybe he resents being a dad and doesn't want either
He wanted the baby but didn't, and your pinning this on her? He wanted marriage and then changed his mind..they made plans together which he changed his mind on..its like okay I'll donate a kidney two weeks after doing wants his kidney back and then blaming it on the recipient for not giving it back
@Ali i also understand your point but for me abortion was not an option so it was either i raise the kid with him or alone. in hindsight once he started backing out of the marriage i should of just called things off. but i also did mention to him while we were dating that if i were ever to get pregnant i would keep it. so i feel like he is still at fault for still choosing to proceed knowing that
It sounds like he already has his mind made up and his plans aren’t necessarily involving you. I’ve never encountered a problem like this but if it’s that easy for him to say he just refuses to live there and he refuses to move with you, he’s not exactly committed to the marriage or to doing what it takes for you two to stay together. Maybe he has checked out. I wouldn’t trust it easier after he changed his mind the first time.