Overbearing mother

Long post- What should I do? TIA for the read My mother has been pushing boundaries I didn’t even know existed since I told her I was pregnant. This is her first grandchild, and she’s already treating him like some shared asset that she gets rights to. To name a few things that made me uneasy; she had her coworkers throw her a “grandma shower” for baby things and didn’t invite me. She has an entire nursery set up in her house (that I didn’t even visit that often pre baby) but no bed for me. She keeps saying things like “whenever you let me have him to myself,” etc. She excitedly showed me some wall art that she’d kept from MY childhood nursery and from her childhood bedroom, I thought she was giving them to me but a week later sent a photo of them hanging in *her* nursery. Sends photos of random baby items that I actually need but doesn’t ask if I need them just lets me know they’re all set up at her house. I know she’s just excited and whatever but I don’t know how to set boundaries that I don’t know what they are yet. I am due in 11 days and I was waiting until things came up after he’s here to address but at this point she’s setting herself up for major disappointment. I am planning on breastfeeding so in theory he’s not going to leave my side for months. It’s like she has this fantasy idea that my baby is going to be living at her house (without me! Because again- no adult bed). I’m planning on just addressing boundaries as they come up but at this rate I’m worried she’s gonna be butthurt all of the time.

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Tbh that is super weird. People can be excited about their grandchild being born but acting like that is just overboard. If my mum did that I’d probably get really angry at her and block her because why is your mum acting like she’s about to be the mum of your child??! That baby is yours not hers.

I think you should tell her straight that he’s your baby and to stop acting like she’s about to be the mother. If she don’t listen you should tell her your gonna distance you and your baby from her till she gets her act right.

@Sylvia it’s weird right! thank you for affirming… I know she’s coming from a good place so that conversation is going to hurt her feelings a lot but it’s just gotten worse the further along I get. I’ve been very factual about the reality of him not staying with her anytime soon or often but it’s like she doesn’t hear it and just continues preparing.

If I was you I would be mad at the fact that she doesn’t even care how YOU feel she only cares how she feels and how she wants him staying with her and has a nursery set up for him. She hasn’t sat and thought about how this makes her daughter feel. She’s being selfish and that’s just really sad because this is your first child and she’s basically ruining it by trying to make it all about herself. I’m trying to not sound rude about it but for me if this happened to me I would feel very disrespected because it’s like she tryna make it about herself and I think you shouldn’t let her think she can do that so I say maybe tell her straight it doesn’t matter if she’s butthurt because why is she butthurt? If someone’s was to be butthurt it should be YOU, true?

If she doesn’t hear what ur saying when he’s here you show her what you’re saying okay? It’s not your fault if she’s suddenly shocked because it’s her fault she decided to not listen.

@Sylvia you’re so right honestly. It is ruining the experience for me a bit because like I mentioned the wall art from my nursery I would LOVE to have for my son but no, they’re already established at her house… what am I gonna do? take them off the wall? She clearly didn’t even care to offer them up. It’s just becoming more stressful than anything when I think she’s trying to be helpful and supportive it’s not realistic at all. She lives over 30 minutes away from me and I only see her like once every other month so I’m not sure what she’s expecting. I will have to have a conversation with her about overstepping once he’s here cuz I don’t even know where to begin until we establish a routine…

@Sylvia thank you for the input🫶

Firstly I’m sorry youve been put in this position by your own mother, it’s very hard. You need to put yourself and your family first, I know it’s hard as you may feel guilty because she is excited but she’s being way to much and quite selfish as it seems she hasn’t thought about you attal during this, just herself and the baby. It’s YOU having the baby and she needs to let you enjoy being a mother. I’m a big believer of being a grandparent is a privilege, it doesn’t make them automatically entitled to your baby. I’d definitely lay down your boundaries and how this has made you feel before the baby is here if you can. Once baby is here you don’t need the stress of this on top of having a newborn xx

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