Struggling

I have a son who just turned 4 a little bit ago. I am struggling... a lot, and I have no idea who to talk to about it. I feel alone and keep holding everything in. T my knowledge no one can tell, and I feel like I am just breaking. I don't feel as connected to my son as I did when he was younger, and I don't know why. I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it. He keeps trying to push the boundaries, and when I say no to something such as making him a different dinner than what I have spent a long time cooking, he gets upset and has a tantrum. Today, we got into two pretty big fights, and I couldn't shake off being so angry and mad. I couldn't regulate my emotions, as he was crying and saying he was sorry. He kept asking for a hug, but I was so mad I didn't want to want one. Normally, we talk about it afterward, but I just made him food, and he ate a little while and then went outside to play. I was so angry, and I was still angry and frustrated for at least 3 hours afterward. I showered and felt a little better...now I am sitting on my couch alone, sobbing. I feel guilty and like a bad mom for denying him a hug when I was so upset. There's more details as to what happened when we fought, but it's too much to type right now. Any support or suggestions would be greatly appreciated...validation is good. On another note, there's a lot going on in my head, and I feel very stressed, upset, and stuck. I'm tired of feeling alone, and like I have no one to talk to, that's not going to judge me or use it against me later or anything of the sort.

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I am SO sorry to hear you're struggling like that!! I can totally relate..when tough situations happen and they are mentally too young to understand how to reason and regulate their emotions. Meanwhile you as a mom are getting the brunt of it! Please try some of the parenting classes offered by the city of Hamilton, they have a variety of classes and tips offered. I believe it's called Healthy Babies Healthy Children 905 546-3550. Also, mention the behaviors to your family doctor, there could be some more help needed by a pediatrician. I feel for you!! I'm sure lots of moms here will offer more advice. Im in your shoes currently with my older son and it is HARD. Don't ever feel alone, you're not. Your feelings are valid but there is hope. Don't feel bad you denied the hug either, when you're feeling that bad or "seeing red " it's best to step back. Give the hugs later, it will be genuine at that point.

No advice, unfortunately, just here to say you are super not alone. My child is nearly 3 and I find myself in this headspace a lot too. I have outright refused a hug as well, but I come back later when I've calmed, and ask if he still wants a hug, and usually it is a yes. That's a lesson for them too, to see space and time is needed sometimes and then you close the loop on it with respect, so give yourself some grace there. One thing I saw that helps me when I'm reaching a boiling point is to tell him "I love you more than xyz" where xyz is whatever is upsetting me. It grounds me and sometimes helps my son feel seen/supported.

Wanted to respond right away when I read this, as I feel so much of it. You are in no way alone. If you want someone to rant to, please feel free to message me any time, day or night. I promise to listen without judgement 💙 I am also increasingly reaching my breaking point. I'm a SaHM. My son will be 4 in July. My daughter is nearly 2.5. I thought it was hard having 2 under 2... But this age, these attitudes are way harder than when they didn't talk back. And they stayed where you put them. I also have ADHD on both sides of the family. My son is without a doubt hyperactive. I'm still in a queue to get him seen and diagnosed for developmental concerns. Every day with him feels like a battle. And by the time my husband gets home from work, I'm just completely spent. It's important to show him that boundaries are not a bad thing. After you've calmed down, it's absolutely acceptable to talk with him and explain that you were upset and didn't want a hug. You are not a bad mom. 💙 Being a mom is so so so hard

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