Motherhood is unfair
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I understand that wholeheartedly. My fiancé wasn’t there through the pregnancy at all and i felt so alone in it. I understood that it wasn’t planned and we had only known each other for less than two months but it just felt unfair that he could just leave me. I felt a little betrayed and a lot hurt that he knocked me up and then pretty much disappeared other than texting here and there. But he came through when i gave birth and he fell in love with his son and has been so apologetic and helpful since but it doesn’t change that i feel hurt by it still.
You're absolutely right it is unfair. Last night my baby was screaming for 2+ hours because he's teething, sore from diarrhea from his jabs and was running a temp. Because my partner was tired from work instead of being empathetic and considering that him being at work meant I had been doing this on my own all day, he was short tempered, unhelpful and outright made the situation worse. I sat rocking my baby after telling him to fuck off to bed just silently seething at the inequality of it. I could never walk into the room of my crying baby and overstimulated, exhausted partner and be so *selfish*. And it's for that reason I believe we women are the ones who shoulder the heavy load, because if it was down to men to do what we do the human race would cease to exist. I don't have a solution for you, but I do have solidarity and total understanding for your anger. It is completely valid.
It’s complete bullshit. I legit said weekly on this date and time I won’t be home and I’ve decided that’s my time. The mall, nail salon, whatever it’s my personal time. He knows weekly that is my slot of time and he can plan accordingly. Maybe he wants to invite his mom over to help or plan an outing but don’t include me my ass wont be available. Set boundaries early!
I have gone through this with my oldest, who is now 22 months old and will be 2 in May. My husband was useless and he will admit to that. He didn’t start stepping up until I was 5 or six months pregnant with our twin girls who will be 3 months on Wednesday. And with him being on Prenatal leave these last few months he’s had to step up huge and has gone through the sleepless nights and be responsible for a not one baby alone but two
You're not alone I really went through a phase of internalised resentment....now it's more overt! Reality of shared parenting have not lived up to reality this far. Sometimes you have to literally tell a man at 6pm I'm showering you are on baby duty ! Or have you considered expressing so dad can do a feed to give you a little break or rest during the night?