Am I in the wrong here?
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if you don’t speak their language then i personally think it’s rude of them to speak it in front of you as long as their english is good but at the same time it would be nice for you to also try and learn their language too!
I’ve always made an effort with my husband to understand words. They can speak fluent English. I’ve also been taking lessons unbeknownst to everyone as we just had a baby 6 weeks ago. I feel like it’s really really rude and cruel when I’m feeling left out and excluded and ask to have it explained that I’m told I should learn the language.
They should definitely have explained it that was rude of them to say it like that but also definitely keep learning their language, my dad's side are from another country and speak a different language and my mum refused to learn insisting they all speak English to her it felt very unfair to deny that language in our home growing up x
He was rude. Even if you do learn the language it can take years so you’re not going to understand everything they say all the time. It’s rude to talk to each other in a different language knowing that one person can’t understand when you are perfectly capable of speaking English.
That’s what I think @Lucy. They have made me feel so small. And now arguing with husband because my reaction was over the top (left room and didn’t want to talk to them before they left as I was upset and crying).
My husband/in-laws first language is Arabic. I’m multilingual because of my family but unfortunately Arabic isn’t in the repertoire and it is NOT an easy language to just pick up. They usually default to Arabic when speaking even if the conversation starts in English because they are able to express themselves more but at least one of them ALWAYS translates for me, even though they all know I’ve picked up quite a bit and even if they’re talking shit about me lol I’d be absolutely livid if my FIL (or anyone else) said this to me.
That’s what I’m feeling @Lexi but instead of being validated I’ve been told that me being upset by it is wrong. I think it’s so wrong and hurtful and they are trying to pass it off as a joke. And that I am the one in the wrong for being upset.
They’re gaslighting you because they don’t want to admit it’s disrespect. If the tables were turned they would not be happy about it. If it were me I would let them know if they’re going to purposefully exclude me from conversations they’re not welcome in my home but I’m a hot head 😅 Does your husband stand up for you at all? I saw in a previous comment you made he was arguing with them but I mean like does he truly stand up for you?
It's rude AF to speak in another language when they know you can't join in with it, especially when they speak English fluently! Whenever I've been to visit friends in another country they would always speak in English, as they knew it was rude otherwise!
Why doesn’t your husband translate?
If they speak English they should speak English in front of you.
Have any AirPods? Pop an AirPod on and put the translate on your phone and listen to the convo, helps you learn a bit but also have an idea of what’s being said.
Use the translate app when they start speaking so it’s automatically translate into English until you can learn
Who just expects someone to become fluent in another language? I've been studying another language for a couple years now and no where fluent. That's ridiculous and rude.
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@Lexi he thinks he stands up for me. But mostly he tries to justify and is defensive about there actions. I never feel like he’s on my side. I was pretty much at the point that when he said that I should learn the language in my own home I wanted him out. And I’m not a hot head. I already feel super vulnerable as 6 weeks post new baby. So I wanted him out.
@Brenda I could do that. But the idea is it makes me feel like an outcast. Again I feel like in my own home that’s not ok. I’ve been doing audible lessons for a while. @Kathryn yeah that’s what I feel. @Cerys sometimes he does but lately everyone has gotten lazy. I very politely asked what was said and someone could have just nicely told me what it meant in English. But instead I got told it wouldn’t be a problem if I just taught myself the language.
I can relate to this very much. If they can speak proper english they can speak it infront of you it’s just common courtesy if you know a language they don’t would you speak it infront of them? speaking their language will take time and it’s not that easy to do.
It is disrespectful. Did you husband stand up for you? If not, why not?
@Ciara I’m learning more and more that I am not the priority to my husband; they are. He told his dad to not say anything but he went right ahead anyway: then I got upset and left the room and because my reaction was deemed “over the top” it turned on me to me being wrong and trying to force me to go and sort it out with them. I didn’t want to and so now I’m the bad guy: Husband is never on my side and I’m never the priority.
Why don’t you learn their language? You married into his family. I think it’s a great way to show respect to their culture.